Theological Lightbulbs...

Discussion in 'Clean Humor' started by ReformedBaptist, Aug 24, 2008.

  1. ReformedBaptist

    ReformedBaptist
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    I found this funny..
    http://home.flash.net/~go4crown/lightbulb.htm

    How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
    One - since his or her hands are in the air anyway.
    How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. God has predestined when the lights will be on..

    How many Baptists?
    CHANGE?? But we have NEVER done it that way before!

    How many Neo-evangelicals?
    No one knows. They cannot tell the difference between light and darkness.

    How many Pentecostals?
    Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness...

    How many TV evangelists?
    One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation...

    How many Fundamentalists?
    ONLY ONE because any more would be compromise and ecumenical... (standards of light would slip.)

    How many Charismatics?
    None - unless the Lord leads.

    How many Dispensationalists?
    Two - one to change the bulb and one to keep the promises to the old bulb.

    How many Promise Keepers?
    None - unless Coach McCartney says it's manly to do so.

    How many Calvinists?
    Every Calvinist knows only God can change a lightbulb.

    How many Episcopalians?
    None, they assume darkness is the nature of the bulb and it would be harmful and disrespecful to violate personality of the bulb.

    How many Charismatics?
    Two - one to change the bulb, the other to have a breakthrough.

    How many Quakers?
    Someone will, but there is no one officially called to be a bulb changer.

    How many Arminians?
    Only one, but first the bulb must want to be changed.

    How many Charismatics?
    None - unless the Spirit witnesses to their spirit man that it should be done.

    How many Baptists?
    Two, one to change the bulb, the other to preach on tithing in order to pay for the new bulb.

    How many Premillennialists?
    While knowing where the lightbulbs are, they are persuaded to wait for the official lightbulb changer but no one knows when he will arrive.

    How many Arminians?
    Since the bulb has free will - it must make the decision.

    How many Amillennialists?
    Two, one to change the bulb, the other to remind others not to fear the
    old darkness or trust the new light--both are only symbolic.

    How many Postmillennialists?
    One, but now he has to rethink his eschatology....

    How Many Liberal Christians?
    None - they don't think it needs to be changed.

    How many Evolutionists?
    None - it will change itself - it will just take billions and billions of years.

    How many Lutherans?
    17 - 5 to form a commitee to find and nominate 9 people to a committee which shall then discuss the issues of light bulb changing, from which that commitee shall appoint three other people to carry out the final resolution of the second committee - which is that one person shall supervise while one changes the bulb and one will follow up in one month's time to investigate the performance of the bulb.

    How many Modern Evangelicals?
    It doesn't matter as long as we love each other.

    How many Seventh Day Adventists?
    Just one - as long as it isn't Saturday.

    How many Charismatics?
    30 - 1 to change the bulb and 29 to laugh about it!

    How many Mormons?
    None - it's beneath the character of a god to stoop and change a light bulb.

    How many Atheists?
    1 - but they are still in darkness.

    How many Independent Baptists?
    Only one, anymore than that would be considered ecumenical.
     
  2. jilphn1022

    jilphn1022
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    :laugh:..............
     
  3. chuck2336

    chuck2336
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    I have seen this before, but it always cracks me up!
     
  4. Carolina Baptist

    Carolina Baptist
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    How many Unitarians does it take to Change a lightbulb?
    We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual Light Bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
     

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