These are GREAT!

Discussion in 'Clean Humor' started by givengrace, Dec 4, 2008.

  1. givengrace

    givengrace
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    393
    Likes Received:
    0
    WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
    She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

    Keep reading-they get better!!!


    WOMEN'S REVENGE
    'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
    purchase.
    As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television
    set in her purse.
    'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
    'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'


    UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
    (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
    I know I'm not going to understand women.
    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
    pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
    and still be afraid of a spider.



    CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
    He answers th at he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
    She directs him down the correct aisle.
    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
    string on the counter.
    She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for
    your wife?
    He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the
    store
    to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
    and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
    So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
    (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)



    WIFE VS. HUSBAND
    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
    neither of them wanted to concede their position.
    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
    the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
    'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'


    WORDS
    A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
    day.
    30,000 to a man's 15,000.
    The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
    everything to men...
    The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'



    CREATION
    A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
    so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
    'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
    God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


    WHO DOES WHAT
    A man and his wife were having an argument about who
    should brew the coffee each morning.
    The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
    and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
    The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
    you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
    coffee.'
    Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that
    the man should do the coffee.'
    Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at
    the top of several pages, that it indeed says .. 'HEBREWS'


    The Silent Treatment
    A man and his wife were having some problems at home
    and were giving each other the silent treatment.
    Suddenly, th e man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to
    wake him
    at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
    a piece of paper,
    'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
    had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
    hadn't wakened him,
    when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
    The paper said, 'It is 5:0 0 AM. Wake up.'
    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


    God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
    before the masterpiece
     
  2. abcgrad94

    abcgrad94
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2007
    Messages:
    5,533
    Likes Received:
    0
    Spew alert! Now I have to clean my computer screen!:laugh:
     
  3. Jon-Marc

    Jon-Marc
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2007
    Messages:
    2,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yes, I suppose they are great--to a woman.
     
  4. givengrace

    givengrace
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    393
    Likes Received:
    0
    My husband found them Funny Too. Sorry if you didn't.
     
  5. Amy.G

    Amy.G
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2006
    Messages:
    13,103
    Likes Received:
    0
    :laugh: :laugh:

    Those are great!
     
  6. tinytim

    tinytim
    Expand Collapse
    <img src =/tim2.jpg>

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2003
    Messages:
    11,250
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hardy har har!!!


    lol
     
  7. HeDied4U

    HeDied4U
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2001
    Messages:
    1,135
    Likes Received:
    10
    Pretty funny.

    My wife enjoyed them too.

    :laugh:
     

Share This Page

Loading...