To spank or not to spank?

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by 12strings, Mar 20, 2012.

  1. 12strings

    12strings
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    Let's have at it!

    Should you spank your children? What age should you start, what age should you stop?

    Whatever position you take, do you believe the other side to be in disobedience to scripture, or is it a personal decision each parent (or couple) has to make?

    (I have a 19-month old boy and a 3-week old girl...The boy gets spanked for disobedience, and has been since around 9-10 mos. old...the girl does not get spanked)
     
  2. convicted1

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    Well, I personally see nothing wrong with spanking a child. There's a difference between spanking and beating. I think time-outs only go so far. When dad told me to go get him a switch, that was just as bad as getting switched. But, after seeing what he was doing, I appreciate it now. He was making sure that if I did that again, I'd get another dose of that switch. The message came across LOUD AND CLEAR.
     
  3. abcgrad94

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    Oh my goodness. . .I'll say this as nicely as I can. If you are spanking your kids at nine months of age, there is a MAJOR problem in your home, and it's NOT the children. Spanking babies is nothing less than child abuse! Who told you it was okay to do that? Why would you even need to clarify that the three week old doesn't get spanked? Shouldn't that be understood?

    Sorry, but your post greatly disturbs me.
     
    #3 abcgrad94, Mar 20, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2012
  4. targus

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    My wife and I have never spanked our children.

    Fortunately there was never a reason to do so.

    They are all now grown productive adults out on their own with on problems.
     
  5. menageriekeeper

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    I have to agree with ABC, 9 months is WAY to young even for a spat on the diaper or hand. At that age, redirection, redirection and just plain letting them scream their temper away (in their crib if you don't have a pair of earplugs). But spanking is uncalled for.

    matter of fact, mine didn't get a spat on their diaper until I was CERTAIN they understood the word no, meant no every single time. Which meant *I* had to be consistant in my enforcement. And it meant they were about 2.

    Even then, the rule for spanking was that whatever they were doing was going to hurt them more than the spank I would give them. My kids remember clearly just one: when they all three were playing on the roof. (at 2, 5 and 7) They all remember it and we never had a repeat lol.

    That doesn't mean they didn't get any others, just that one was IMPRESSIVE. And that was what we used them for. You don't have to make an impression out of most things. 99% of what kids get themselves into can be dealt with calmly and matter of factly. No spanking (or time out for that matter) needed.

    What "method" did I use? Supervision, supervision, supervision. Some people call this "tomato staking". If your kids are right beside you, you can stop micheif before it ever gets started. Just saying no, we aren't going to act that way/do that was enough for most things. My kids knew that even if I wasn't right beside them, I could hear or see them and I WAS paying attention. Punitive measures for misbehavior waited until they were old enough to understand: what they had done wrong, why they had done so (they need to be able to verbalize this) and what they could do to recify the problem (I always had an idea for this if they couldn't come up with one).

    I had one who WISHED I would spank him. But I knew him to well. Separation from the group is what got him to thinking that maybe throwing things at his sisters (or whatever) wasn't such a good idea. But he was 4 or 5 before that was effective. Time out in my lap until he was calm (very excitable child) was a better choice before that.

    Train your children diligently and you'll find you don't have to punish very often and you'll spank even less.
     
  6. Oldtimer

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    I used to hate to have to go get a switch off the peach tree. As I walked as slow as I could, it gave me plently of time to think about why I had to go get one. For some reason those off the peach tree had just the right amount of "sting" to them to make the point one of my parents wanted to make.

    Just enough sting that I usually didn't repeat the same bad behavior again. If a switch wasn't handy, a good swat with an open hand on my bottom (and my siblings) was enough, too.

    When we started school, the rule was that if we were spanked at school, we'd get another one at home. Back then, spanking for misbehavior was normal punishment. IMHO, that was enough to keep students in their seats without medications.

    As we grew older, the spankings grew fewer and other forms of punishment took their place, when punishment was needed. Which wasn't very often. We knew our parents didn't make idle threats. As we grew older, we were taught what was and was not appropriate behavior, regardless of where we were. The night before I was to be married the next day, at age 21, I still had to be back home by 10:30 pm. And I was.

    There's a big difference between spanking to get a child's attention and child abuse. There's a big difference between the sting of a peachtree switch and black & blue from a beating. Spare the rod and spoil the child is true. As are the rest of the scriptures directed towards parents with regard to their children. If the rest of the scriptures are followed, children wouldn't be abused, in any form.
     
  7. Winman

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    I remember getting a few "switchings" from my Dad when I was around 6 years old. Like Oldtimer, my Dad would make us get our own switch off a weeping willow tree we had. I tried to find a soft switch. He would hit us a few times on our lower legs, it stung like a bee! But it didn't hurt us, and I have never thought of my Dad as abusive EVER. He was a very good and loving man. Later as we got older, he would make us work if we misbehaved. We would have to scrub the bathroom from top to bottom, or rake the yard. I would rather have had the switching!

    I have given my kids maybe two spankings in their life, and they were "fake" spankings. I would make them lie over my lap and place my left hand over their bottom, and then slap my left hand with my right as loudly as possible. :laugh:

    It really worked, the noise scared them, they thought they had been spanked and would behave.

    But this was long ago when they were maybe 5 years old and only once or twice. I really never had trouble with my kids.

    The thing is to be consistent. If you tell them they have to stay in all week and can't go out and play, stick to it. If you do so they will respect you and behave. If you give in they will run all over you. But never blurt out a punishment before you think about it and intend to stick to it.
     
  8. matt wade

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    12strings I'm sorry you have to deal with posts like this one. Spanking is a choice that each parent needs to make. There's nothing wrong with spanking a child, as long as it is not done in anger, but done in a spirit of love and correction.

    Spanking a 9 month old is not child abuse.
     
  9. annsni

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    I have spanked my children from toddlerhood when it was the right parenting tool. I have never spanked an infant and am pretty much finished with using spanking by six years old because there are other tools that work better when they are older. It is certainly not my first choice for most discipline and it is not the last either. It is used for defiance and/or disobedience and that is it.
     
  10. InTheLight

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    Under certain circumstances, yes. For example, repeated disobedience, excessive back sassing, and to reinforce safety issues. By reinforcing safety issues I mean things like lightly spanking them if they run out into the street, or if they open the oven, etc.

    I'd say I've spanked my two boys, now 11 and 14 years old, less than a half dozen times.

    Once they've started walking. Don't need to wallop the child just spank them hard enough to let them know you mean business. I'd say by the age of 5 or 6 you've pretty much exhausted the effectiveness of spanking.

    Personal decision.
     
  11. 12strings

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    At 9 months old, our child knew what "NO" meant, and he learned that direct disobedience was not ok through immediate consequences (a slap on the thigh), followed by a hug. After a bout a week of learning some bounderies in our home, he has rarely needed a spanking in the last 9 months, maybe 2-3 a month.

    We did discuss it as a couple, and read a few things, and talked to parents who were a few years ahead of us in this kid-rearing thing.

    Our decisions were based on several factors:
    -Scripture clearly teaches that corporal punishment is one way to teach and train a child. The age at which one begins this is not in scripture, so I wonder what basis we are to use in deciding such things. Our son could definitely understand that he was doing something we were telling him not to do, and deciding to do it anyway.
    -We believe part of this is to learn that disobedience is not ok, and learning to submit to the authority of parents helps prepare them to submit to God's authority.
    -We differ with the premise of spanking only for very dangerous activities. We rather spank ONLY for direct disobedience. Accidents and childish foolishness do not get spankings.
    -Spanking can be, in many cases, the easier punishment on the child, if it is not done in anger, but calmly, and if it is followed by affirmations of love for the child...because after the spanking everyone can move on. The child has learned his lesson, and he does not have to worry about further judgement or dissaproval...as he might if simply told to go sit in a room and think about what he has done. It is a short term pain to learn a lesson, that if done properly is completely forgotten a minute later.
    -I would actually argue that the youngest ages (once the child comes to understand what disobedience is, which is probably nearing age one in most children) is the BEST time to utilze immediate punishments like spanking, since their world is one of very short memories; Probably by age 4 or 5, spanking will give way to other forms of discipline as understanding increases.


    I'm sorry that some of you feel I am abusing my child. Our child is extremely happy, and loves to cuddle with both of his parents. He is not scared of us. He learns new rules and boundaries very quickly, usually needing only 2-3 spankings for him to not repeat the offending behavior.

    I do think there is room for debate about this issue, and Hopefully this thread will draw out more comments.
     
  12. agedman

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    It isn't a matter of weather one chooses to spank or not, rather one chooses to be consistent with the discipline.

    Any discipline form (with in reason, folks), when applied consistently, and with appropriate understanding by the child (if they don't know the consequences before the misdeed, then the discipline needs to be instruction not punishment), will build security within the boundaries of the home.

    However, if anger is the result of the discipline, then the discipline is faulty. Proper discipline builds, it does not destroy. Anger destroys. This doesn't mean that a child won't display disapproval or disappointment, but unacceptable anger would be considered pouting and temper tantrum types.

    Here is a short to do when disciplining:

    First, remind the child of the infraction and why it is so very sinful.
    Second, discipline should be like the flu. Swift. Enough to get the attention. Over quickly (long drawn out "time out" is detrimental - better a timer is placed next to the child with it ticking off the one to five minutes the parent determines is suitable).
    Third, abundant love is shown immediately. This demonstrates the unity of the family and the unconditional forgiveness.
    Fourth, IF one gives spanking, IMMEDIATELY follow it up with a hug and hang on!!!! Do not turn loose until the child has a "cleansing breath" and hugs back. The hug back is not just a flimsy one but one of strength and acceptance.​

    Don't forget to remember that even parents have the obligation to "follow the rules." It is well worth the experience when the child must "punish" the parent. :)
     
  13. Iconoclast

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    You have correctly obeyed the clear teaching of scripture:
    62.Proverbs 22:15
    Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
    .Proverbs 23:13
    Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

    Proverbs 29:15
    The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

    Some would rather obey Dr.Spock...than God;)

    24He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes
     
  14. saturneptune

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    Having raised by children years ago, my first thought on spanking is that it is up to the parents concerned and no one else's business. In our case, I believe we spanked one of them a time or two with a paddle in their early teens. Spanking is just not something we used for correction. Both today have careers, families, have degrees, and go to church which I am very thankful for.

    Although we did not spank, we did wash their mouths out with Tobasco sauce and put their hands on the hot oven. Seriously, the funniest story I can remember was taking two on a trip across country. They were constantly fighting in the back seat. After I got enough, I made each sit by the window and stick their nose to the glass for a short period of time. It solved the problem. Like I said above, I would never presume to tell any set of parents how to raise their kids, but for us, hitting and spanking were not part of the mix.
     
  15. Thousand Hills

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    Not at the same time I hope? :eek::eek:
     
  16. Thousand Hills

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    :thumbs::thumbs::thumbs:

    My dear ole Pappy used to tell me "Son this is going to hurt me more than its goin to hurt you".
     
  17. righteousdude2

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    When All is Said and Done...

    ...after completing a course in Child Psych (masters level), the professor made an unusual statement. He told us that, as parents, when all was said and done, and after we exhausted everything to get through to the child and if their negative behavior continued, "Hit them with the book ( (used for that course)! He got some laughs, and a hearty round of applause, for his honesty.

    I know I will be told that I have misunderstood, or misapplied the meaning of this verse, but, there is some truth in the words, "Spare the rod, spoil the child!"
     
  18. saturneptune

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    No, never at the same time, but once the stove was broken, and I used the cigarette lighter. We also taught our kids to set the dog and cat on fire.

    [​IMG]
     
  19. convicted1

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    With the stove or the tobasco? ;)
     
  20. HeirofSalvation

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    12 Strings I think you are doing the right thing:

    Scripture Does indeed admonish us to utilize corporal punishment.
    The age of the child is not the key it is their understanding/ our policy was this:
    If they understood what NO meant, then they were subject to corporal punishment for ACTIVE disobedience only:

    Once they became roughly 1.5 to 2 they were subject to spanking for PASSIVE disobedience as well....etc. The key was their understanding. It is critical with a little one for wrongdoing to be instantly corrected. they cannot "Wait till their father comes home" to talk about it and then be subject to punishment only when they are older will that work.

    Although other forms of punishment are viable, Scripture CLEARLY admonishes the use of the Rod (it is not as though the ancients were too stupid to come up with alternative options had they tried) It has an integral place I daresay it is DISOBEDIENCE to refuse to spank them. You are doing the right thing.:thumbs:
     

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