On another board where I post, there was a comical thread started on "ways not to begin a sermon". I thought it might be fun here as well. I will start with a couple of mine from the other board: "Today we will have a living illustration of what Solomon was writing about in his Songs." "This morning my second personality will be speaking." And for all the KJVO folks, "Our sermon this morning from the old KJV on Balaam's talking ass reminds me of our deacons." Any other suggestions???