Wedding Heartache

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by hawg_427, Oct 17, 2006.

  1. hawg_427

    hawg_427
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    My Wife's 26 y/o son is getting married in May 07 and they want to fly to one of the islands in the carribian to do it. Total cost approx. 8,000.00 dollars. They want each family( there are 3) from a divorce to split the costs. They will have the reception back in the US. I told my Wife that we couldn't do it and that it wasn't right for us to do it anyway. Because of the broken marriages they don't want a local wedding. Proper ediquite stated the Brides family pays for the wedding and the groom pays for the rehersal dinner. My Wife's Son is how do I say, SPOILED and it's time the silver spoon gets pulled out of his mouth. He borrowed 4,000 from us for his engagement ring and has yet made an attempt to repay us although he is supped to pay it in full this month. This situation is causing friction in OUR household. Any insight to this would be appreciated.
     
  2. 2BHizown

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    I guess I'm horrified that a 26 yo would ask relatives to foot the bill for his trip to the Carribean, no matter what the reason!
    Give him your blessings, your prayers(he surely needs them) and no more!
    Starting out in a new marraige should be a joyous time, but not a time to expect others to give you a royal send off!
    Just my 2 cents.:godisgood:
     
  3. webdog

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    Hogwash. This might be tradition, but hardly proper. I got married at 29, and my wife and I paid for our own wedding, as I see most people do. To demand that three families foot the bill for what they want...and not need...is selfish and rude. I wouldn't pay it. Buy them some nice tropical shirts, give them your blessing, and pay for your own way. As a wedding gift, you could always pay for their air fare or more, but that's a gift out of love...not necessity of human tradition. It makes no sense to go into debt over a wedding.
     
  4. StefanM

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    IMO, the tradition holds more frequently when the bride and groom are younger, but as marriage age increases, the tradition wanes.
     
  5. Joshua Rhodes

    Joshua Rhodes
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    My wife's family disowned her when she was 17. She was emancipated from them and lived with my family until she graduated high school. (I was already away at college.)

    When the time for our wedding came, they didn't offer to help at all. Fine with me. We had a small but awesome wedding, and God gets the glory for it. I think they expected us to come over and ask, but all they got from us was an invitation.
     
  6. webdog

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    My point is, it's just that...tradition. It's not a mandatory statute for any age. If we followed the world's tradition regarding marriage, the husband would submit to the wife's "religion", too.
     
  7. Mary Diana Lynn Harper

    Mary Diana Lynn Harper
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    Wedding

    Sounds like he has you right where he wants you. If you give in, you will be doing this the rest of their married life. Sorry but they have to start somewhere. If you don't have it you don't have it. :wavey:
     
  8. Joshua Rhodes

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    Get them a set of dishes, or sheets.

    Leave and cleave, baby. Leave and cleave.

    They need to start ON THEIR OWN.
     
  9. menageriekeeper

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    HE borrowed money for the engagement ring? AND YOU GAVE IT TO HIM?????

    Whoa! Young folks sure have it easier now days than when I was young. Well some do anyway.

    I personally wouldn't have accepted a ring my future husband couldn't have paid for. If your (step?)son can't afford a ring, how on earth will he support a family?

    He is really brave to expect everyone will just kick in so he can have what he wants. :rolleyes:

    Now you do need to forget this business of the brides family paying for the wedding. That's nice but not always practical. In my case, we paid for what we could afford and his family sprang for the rest. Why? Because they were the ones that wanted the wedding! He and I wanted just a small wedding in the preacher's office with only immediate family present. My family was pretty much estranged from us and there were very few of them in attendence. It was a very lopsided affair let me tell you!

    You give what you want to give money wise. If your wife wants to give more, compromise! Do not let this become a stumbling block to your own marriage.

    I agree with Joshua, only I've always heard it as "you marry off, not on!" :D
     
  10. PJ

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    I agree with Joshua. Especially after no effort was made on their part to pay back borrowed money on the engagement ring. Get them a nice gift, and suggest to your wife that it's time for tough love.
     
  11. Hope of Glory

    Hope of Glory
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    When we were married, our families paid for the rehearsal dinner, and they did pay for our honeymoon. They did not borrow, nor put themselves in a hardship to do it. We got in my pickup, drove about 4 hours to the place, and spent the weekend having pizza (with feta cheese and jalapenos, with beef and pepperoni) delivered to our room. We did some sightseeing, and came back home.

    Going into debt for an engagement ring (or anything of a non-necessity) right off the bat is ludicrous. Our engagement ring contained her birth stone and my birth stone, and I had the cash to pay for it. 18 years later, she still has it, and it means just as much. Our wedding bands, which were stolen in a robbery, were paid for out of pocket. So were the replacements.

    I agree completely with the "spoiled" statement. I bought a low mileage, but older car for my daughter once. She told me that she would be embarrassed to be seen in a car that old. So, I just suggested that she see how embarrassed she would be to be seen walking. Of course, her mother bought her a new car, which she promptly trashed, then bought her another one.

    I would not acquiesce into their demands that the three families split the expenses. If it would not put me in a financial bind, I might volunteer it, but not after the demand was made. Buy them some dishes or towels or sheets or something like that, and suggest they not start out married life by going into debt for trivialities.

    So, the Reader's Digest condensed version of my answer: NO!
     
  12. mcdirector

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    Ron and I got married at my parents house. I think it cost $500. Ron's folks gave us money for the honeymoon, but there wasn't a rehearsal dinner.

    I will say that I was a bit shocked (ahem -- OK, a bit doesn't even begin to describe it) at what we were asked to pay for with my son's wedding. AND to be honest, I was ever so glad to be the wife (in all my humble submissiveness) and let Ron make those decisions. He paid for quite a bit and I kept my mouth shut. (really, I did!)
     
  13. menageriekeeper

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    Sometimes submissiveness is a good thing, LOL!
     
  14. Brother Bob

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    My wife didn't have enough money to take care of me either when we got married! :)
     
  15. Helen

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    That young man is fiscally irresponsible and his wife-to-be is in for a lot of pain and heartaches. Don't contribute to the problem further.
     
  16. blackbird

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    Goodness gracious alive, "Mitsy" Bitsy!!! Your momma and daddy charged you five hundred "dolla-reenies" to get married in the house where you GREW UP?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Blackbird hopes you got some change back!!!!

    We got married at my wife's Home church in Talladega, Alabama----rehearsal supperr???? A Cajun fish fry!! Fried Catfish, Hushpuppies, Cajun Fries-----eat at your own risk--and eat with your own hands!!!

    Blackbird doesn't remember very much of what happened after the Preacher told him to say, "I do!":smilewinkgrin: :love2: :love2:
     
  17. menageriekeeper

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    So long as you remember what date you got married all will be well, Blackbird. But forget that date even once and :eek: :eek: !

    :laugh:
     
  18. PamelaK

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    Has this couple received any premarital counseling of any kind? They're going to need it.
    If your wife wants to witness her son get married she needs to tell him to grow up and be a man and accept the fact his families aren't perfect. Don't run away from them, but respect them, get married here, invite all, and take the honeymoon he can afford.
    At this point considering the ring situation I don't think you should give them anything for a wedding gift except your prayers, good wishes, and, well, maybe a good book on financial planning. :wavey:
     
  19. Filmproducer

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    I agree PK. Sounds like he needs to grow up, and fast, if his marriage has any chance of working. Joshua said it best, "Leave and cleave". Sorry, but why should you foot even a fraction of the wedding expenses after shelling out a whopping $4,000 for an engagement ring?!? When my husband proposed he gave me a cheap, ($20), silver ring with little hearts banded together. That was all he could afford, and I didn't care. I still wear it to this day even though he has since given me much more expensive jewelry, (though never to the tune of $4,000). As for the actual wedding, if they are truly in love it won't matter where the wedding is. I have been married for almost 11 years, and I have never regretted the disaster my wedding turned out to be. Let me tell you, the church was booked for the wrong day so I ended up getting married earlier than expected and all of our flowers and things were not to be ready for another couple of weeks. My MIL chose a dress I HATED and paid for it so I felt obligated to wear it. In fact, the wedding was in her church and since there was a "clerical error", she was the one that called me at 10 AM and told me I was getting married at 4 PM. Since we did not have a wedding cake someone ordered a sheet cake, and they picked up the wrong cake so our wedding cake said, "Congratulations Bob". I was allergic to my fresh flower bouquet, and not only did the pollen in the flowers stain my face after my SIL had me smell them, but I ended up with a killer sinus headache. Through it all I was focussed on the fact that I was getting married, and I haven't ever regretted it.
     
  20. Scarlett O.

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    So he wants a group of parents to pay for a wedding that they will not be attending because it is out of the country?

    :BangHead: This boy and his bride-to-be need a "rip the bandaid off" introduction to reality. It isn't painless, but it's quick....it's called "No!".

    If the reception is to be local with friends and family attending, then you should definitely contribute a little towards that.

    That silver spoon definitely needs to be yanked from his mouth and if he balks about it, you can tell him that there is another place it can be inserted if he so chooses!

    No, I'm just kidding there. Don't say that. (Even though you might think it.)

    If he is 26 years old, it is looong past time for his parents to foot any of his bills, unless there is a dire emergency.



     

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