What do you call a date?

Discussion in 'Youth Forum' started by cality, Apr 22, 2002.

  1. cality

    cality
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    I see very often the word "date", in the american literature but I sometimes have the impression that this word don't have the same meaning in the USA than in some other countries. in france, there's no date but just friendship between a girl and a boy, as long as they don't have any physicall relation (at least holding hands). i have the impression that in the USA a date can be something like regulary meeting a boy/ a girl, even if there's no physicall relation. Am I right?
     
  2. Bible Believing Bill

    Bible Believing Bill
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    An example of a date would be April 22, 2002.

    Just kidding.

    To seriously answer your question for the most part you are correct in what you say. A date usually carries an implied romantic interest on the part of both the boy and the girl. There does not have to be a physical relationship for it to be a date, but a date will very often lead to some type of physical relationship (even a so-called "innocent" one like holding hands).

    Bill
     
  3. Grace

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    I define "date" a little differently. To me, a date is when a guy picks me up at my house, takes me somewhere like dinner, a movie etc.(he pays, but I don't go overboard in what I want)Then, he takes me home BEFORE my daddy is ready to run around town hunting the guy who took his "baby" out for the night. I've only had two dates. Both with the same guy. They were fun, but I prefer group stuff better. (we didn't lack for conversation because this guy and I have been "best" friends for several years) Once I went to a theme park with a guy, but I consider that we only rode together to the same place, because I got in the park for free, I bought my own coke, and he wouldn't take me home, even though I asked him very nicely. If that was a 'date' it doesn't count in my book, because it was awful ;)
     
  4. Rev. Joshua

    Rev. Joshua
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    Generally speaking in the US teenagers (and it's been a while since I've been one but I doubt it has changed that much) pair off fairly quickly. They often start "dating" fairly quickly, which means that they are a romantically involved couple.

    In college and certainly as single adults, it is more common for people to go out on dates with different people over a period of time, without making any kind of commitment. These are usually short outings between two people who share common interests and are romantically attracted to each other. Dinner and a movie, a picnic, camping, etc. If a couple decides to start seeing each other exclusively, it's not uncommon to say that the two of them are "dating."

    There is a movement among a small number of fundamentalist Christians (who are, I think, primarily concerned about premarital sex) that opposes this model. The movement is called the "courtship" movement, and I don't know enough about it to describe it.

    I do think, however, that our teenagers tend to "pair off" too quickly, and that they tend to take those High School relationships too seriously.

    Of course, in another time, "kids" their age would have been married and starting families.

    Joshua
     
  5. Brother Adam

    Brother Adam
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    Actually Joshua, I'm one of those crazy young adults that believes in courting. Baptistforever and myself have been courting for over six months now and I for one believe it is a far better way to be in an intimite relationship than worldly dating. I've done the whole dating thing. The whole go out with several people no commitment thing. They don't work any where near as well as being in a strong courting relationship.

    A courting relationship is a friendship with commitment. That means two people have already established a strong friendship before they talk about courting. Courting is explicitely for the purpose of trying to figure out if you are going to marry this other person (the only reason for anyone to be in any kind of intimate relationship should be for this purpose). While there is touching, and I actually believe touch is an important part of a intimate relationship, it is not much compared to some "dating" relationships. As far as touch in my relationship with Teresa- we hold hands (actually we ask permission [ie can i hold your hand?] first), we cuddle when watching tv or a movie, and everyonce in a while we will give each other a back massage when we need it.

    Courting today is not like courting was a long time ago, where you have to sit 10 feet away from each other and your parents are always there when you are around each other. When two responsible Christians decide to court and keep their relationship focused on God, there is no need for that type of supervision.

    As far as teens getting too involved too early, I agree many do. I don't believe you should be in an intimate relationship with anyone if you are not ready to get married.

    UNP
    Adam
     
  6. Rev. Joshua

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    Adam,

    To be honest I don't know if the courting model is any more or less effective than the dating model. Since the folks who are likely to use it are generally very conservative and are likely to take the marriage commitment very seriously; I would imagine that marriages built on courtship are probably statistically more likely to endure. My guess is that this is more of a product of the types of people drawn to courtship than of courtship itself.

    The nature of marriage has gone through so many different revisions and means so many different things to couples, it's hard to predict what will be the best preparation for couples. Even in the Bible, we see several different models of successful marriage.

    Somehow, though, people manage to find each other and want to make a lifetime commitment to each other. Sometimes it even works.

    Joshua
     
  7. Brother Adam

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    Maybe those in worldly dating relationships will endure, but I'd rather follow a bibical model.

    [​IMG]

    UNP
    Adam
     
  8. Rev. Joshua

    Rev. Joshua
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    Adam,

    Perhaps you rember this little ditty that circulated on the Internet for a while:

    In all seriousness, the "biblical" model for marriage varies according to the period in which the particular biblical passage was written. Personally, I strongly discourage couples from a "biblical" model of marriage when I'm counseling them since we no longer view the wife as the property of the husband.

    Joshua
     
  9. Brother Adam

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    Hrm...Let me try:

    1 Cor. 13:1-13
    Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. [2] And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. [3] And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. [4] Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, [5] Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; [6] Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; [7] Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. [8] Charity never faileth:

    Now, find those characteristics in a worldly dating relationship. You will find them sorely lacking in a world of do anything you please.

    UNP
    Adam
     
  10. Sularis

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    He He - Im not conservative enough to "court" - and not liberal enough to "date" [​IMG]

    I've gone on several "Dates" - here's the simple definition of a date - Its a date the instant one of the SOLE pair says so. Of course if men go around foolishly calling stuff dates - they will end up lonely - we come to realize that its a date when the girl says its a date. ;)

    A little more serious a date doesnt have to include physicality - but it does include the intention of getting to know a person better. Thats my prerequisite of date

    Two people just spending time together - with just the intention of having fun is not a date; yes even if the guy pays for it all; unless it develops into a routine.
     
  11. Brother Adam

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    If you want to get technical, you may have been on more dates then you might have at first thought- in fact you may have been on dates with your parents or brothers and sisters!

    A date is considered a "prearranged social visit" or an "appointment". So if you ever have said "Sure mom, I'll meet you for lunch at 2pm", you've technically went on a date.

    Just food for thought [​IMG]

    UNP
    Adam
     
  12. SaggyWoman

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    To me personally, a date is when two parties of different genders make an agreement to meet together for the purposes of getting to know one another better and spend time together. This would be in the formal sense.

    Hanging out would be in the less formal sense, and you happened to go out after church as a pair or in a group.

    Personally, I reserve dating for the men I wish to get to know better more seriously. I have dated some over the years, but usually knew within a date or two that nothing more needed to develop. I recently started dating someone who I would like to continue seeing.

    I hang out a lot, too.
     
  13. Speedpass

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    At this point of my life, if I were to date a woman I would see it as more of a testing ground for marriage than I would if I were a teenager. Maybe it's because I'm almost 40, and there's not alot of never married Christian woman my age.
     
  14. donnA

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    I have two boys I just saw throught the teenage years. I can tell you they rarely call it dating. It's hanging out together. Either just the two of them, or in groups. I keep saying when them and a girl get together to go somewhere it's a date. They keep telling me no, it's hanging out.
    Oh, Joshua, I see a lot of really young people dating, 10 years on up. But my boys were not allowed to date until they were 16. And they knew that we believed dating was for the purpose of searching for a wife. They have not taken dating lightly. I don't know how the oldest one is going to be when he gets home, but my youngest hardly ever dates, the last time we talked he said he wasn't ready to marry and didn't need to date till he was. That means dating wife like girl, not something else.
    Todays dating just confuses me. I dated my husband and we married. We went out together, and called it dating.
    And by the way, he was the only one I ever dated.
     
  15. redwhitenblue

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    Ya know, people think regular dating is worldly but it doesn't have to be. I went on regular dates and had a great time without getting phsyical aside from holding hands or a totally innocent good night kiss.

    In fact I've even had a typical type of date with just good friends in which there was no physical contact at all even when there was a little romantic interest there was no hand holding or anything...just dinner or movie and that was it.

    People make what they want to make of a regular date, it can lead into physical things but to be honest so can courtship. No matter what you call it, the feelings are still there and the urges to do wrong are still there and you are still very capable of doing wrong. That's just my personal thought.

    karen
     
  16. Brother Adam

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    Actually Karen,

    In courting the urges to do wrong are not there. If you are being tempted in whatever style of dating you choose, then there is something wrong. Whenever either I or the person I court feel there is some area of temptation arising we evaluate why, and cease that activity in the future.

    I am not trying to lift myself on a pedistal, but when I told Teresa I would honor her in our relationship, whether that lead to marriage or not, that meant I would honor her by keeping my thoughts clean too.

    UNP
    Adam
     
  17. SaggyWoman

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    I didn't just start doing this, but always have felt the way you do, Jimmy. I don't care to date unless it is in prep for marriage. What is the point. But I can hang with the best of them.
     
  18. cality

    cality
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    Well, if I understand right, when a girl for example spends time with several men for pic nic or movies, she is unfaithfull, because she must spend time with one, since it is a date. In the USA, there's no place for a simple friendship. As long as you spend time alone with a guy, you date, even if you don't want. So how do you show, you just want to be a friend and not to marry or date?
    Are you commited to a man, if you date with him?
    What does the church say, when she sees to young people always together?
    I hope you understand what I mean; it is hard to explain it in english.
     
  19. AdoptedDaughter

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    In the United States, many young people think that they have to be with someone, which is why so many young people have girlfriends/boyfriends. During the younger years, the view on dating is different from the older years.

    There are two types of dating relationships:
    1.A non-exclusive, or open
    and 2. an exclusive.

    In a non-exclusive dating relationship, both parties are free to see whom they want, no matter how many whoms there are. In an exclusive relationship, the parties have agreed to not see anyone but each other, which is also called going steady.

    If two people are in an open relationship, then no unfaithfulness can occur. However, when two parties enter into an exclusive relationship, then if one party sees someone else while in this relationship, then that party has been unfaithful.

    In open relationships, the two parties are pretty much just friends and nothing more. They use "dates" to determine whether they want to progress to the next level(usually occurs in Christian dating,I will get to secular dating later.) This time is spent watching how others react and deciding whether they are material for the future. Some people believe that the more you date, the better the chance at finding that "one".

    With this relationship, the church sees them as mainly, just very good friends.

    In secular dating, a guy will see a girl(or vice-versa) from across the room that is pleasing to the eye and become attracted to each other. They then will go and talk to that person. If they date, it's not because they are trying to find a wife/husband, but because the other person is ther and attractive and they just want to be with them at that time. These relationships rarely lead to marriage.

    The courting model says that each party will have their family involved in their relationship, whether it be praying or getting to know the person. When courting, there is almost always another person around, and a lot of time is spent near the family.

    In courting, the family is usually introduced early on in the relationship, while in dating, the family is not introduced until the parties are considering marriage and one party is ready to propose.

    Rev. Joshua, the family is the BIG difference between dating and courting. Not only are you deciding whether you want to marry that person, but you are also deciding whether you want to marry into that family. So, in a sense, more than two people are courting when there is a courting relationship.

    In many dating practices, the focus is: How can I be pleased, or how can this person benefit me.

    In a courting relationship, the focus is: How can I honor this person, or how can I make this person happy.

    There are huge differences between dating and courting. The majority of them have to do with the attitude.

    Now, which method is safer? Courting or dating? While both have the temptations, dating, I believe, is much more dangerous than courting. While dating, both parties are much more vulnerable and the best foot is trying to be set foward. The relationship is away from the family, and not much protection is there.
    In a courting relationship, the only foot foward is the true one. In courting, all sides of you are revealed, and vulneribilty is not as high because you know each other. Also, there is a sense of protection because the families are invloved in the relationship. You will do everything that you can, not only to honor the oter person, but also to honor yours and theirs family.

    Cality, I hope that this has been some help.

    If you would like any futher explanations on anything I said, feel free to PM me.

    In Christ's gracious love,
    Teresa
     
  20. cality

    cality
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    Oh! thanks a lot that you explained me that!!!!! [​IMG]
    I will perharps go to the USA three years and it is important for me to know this, because I don't want to date without knowing it, just because my culture is different and because things works an other way in France.

    The american way to marry, date... seems very complicated to me, and I hope I remember everything if I come in the USA. If I have problems and don't understand, I'll ask you some advice!!!

    I think, if I understand right, that I am for courtship, because it is important to me that my parents know and pray.
     

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