I don't know, but I think that the term "personal relationship" is used a bit inflationary among christians. When do I have a personal relationship with God? What does this include? I think when christians say personal relationship they simply mean praying to God but praying is a one-sided monologue, what exactly is personal about this? I don't know anything personal about God. Every atheist who reads the bible knows the same things about God as me. Personal means knowing something which others don't know. I don't know anything which others don't know. So many christians advertise for God and make it look soooo easy. "Oh, you just have to open your heart and then you can know God." Oh really? They make it look so easy, but it's not easy at all. They make it look like God is only waiting to be able to share stuff with you. If it is so easy then why doesn't he share stuff with me? But how should he even share stuff with me? He doesn't talk, right? This makes it a bit complicated to share stuff with me. Somehow I'm so sick and disillusioned with this whole "get to know God" stuff. A few years ago I still thought that somehow one day I will get this great mystical breakthrough and then suddenly everything will be fine. I'll suddenly hear God and everything will be better. But now I think that this was just wishful thinking. Or when I posted at other forums in the past some charismatics would tell me stuff like "Oh God's waiting for you, he wants to talk to you" and I took this seriously and felt guilty because since I didn't hear anything I must be doing something wrong and then I thought I have to seek harder and try to "spend" more time with God but the more I tried the more frustrated and burnt out I got. And now I'm simply sick of it. I cannot hear these "You can know God" phrases anymore. What does "know" even mean to them? Do they mean know in the sense of "I know Sylvester Stallone"? Sure, I know him. I have seen his movies. But do I actually know him? Of course not. And just a few minutes ago I was watching some guy on the God Channel talking the same ol' stuff about knowing God and this made me so angry. They make it look so easy. As if all you had to do is call God's number and then he picks up the phone. I'm simply so sick and tired of trying to "seek" God. Trying in a totally clumsy way to talk to God. It only burns you out and frustrates you when you want something but don't know how to get it. Sooner or later you simply give up and I think this is where I am. I simply don't have the patience and the strength to start another odyssey of trying to "find" God and to get in touch with him. A few years ago I would have used every chance to go to a christian event or to go to church expecting to get a sign from God or expecting something great to happen but not anymore. I'm so sick of these events where christians are promised to receive something. The promise of healing or the promise of getting anointed. All this stuff repels me. What is all of this good for? Going to church or going to house meetings when you don't gain anything from it? I don't want to simply live a "christian lifestyle" which is only about social activities which have become a routine. Simply going to church because it has become a routine or simply going to a house meeting because it's a routine. If God isn't in it then what's this good for? Then it's not good for anything! Then I can as well stay at home.