I don't know what to do. My problem is that I'm so rebellious. I don't know what to do about it. There are days when I already don't feel well because of other things and then I get such rebellious thoughts against God. I don't know how to deal with them. For example I get thoughts like "God only wants to be prayed to and only wants to be worshipped" and then I think about what heaven will be like and I ask myself what if everything we do there will be bowing down to God all day? What if I don't like this? Somehow I sense a resistance against this in me. Or when I read Romans 9:21 then it sounds like God created people only for destruction. Can he do this? I mean if God only created us to torture us would you also agree with this and say that this is his right? I know this is only hypothetical but does the fact that you created something really give you the right to do with it whatever you want? Is this even what Romans 9:21 means? I feel really rotten. What if I'm simply to rebellious to be a christian? I have prayed about this so often but nothing changes. What if I'm simply not destined to be a christian? What if my own will is too strong? I also have problems with authorities. I cannot stand it when somebody wants to tell me what to do. In school I also argued with teachers. Often I feel like God wants to take everything from me which I like and that he only wants me to be like a puppet which is only there to please him. Maybe my view of God is also distorted and too negative. I don't know what to do against this. It really drags me down. When christians for example say something like "We were made to make God happy" or something like that then it's like there is something in me which screams "what about me! I wanna do what I wanna do!". Is this me? What is this? What if I'm simply too rebellious to be a christian? Does God want to break our will? Often I imagine God like a dictator who says "Either you do what I want or you go to hell". This scares me. Will we be like robots in heaven? For example disagreeing with God is already a sin. How does God make sure we cannot sin anymore in heaven?