What should I do when my unsaved husband will not let me tithe?

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by Carolyn, Apr 28, 2003.

  1. Carolyn

    Carolyn
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    I found a wonderful church finally! The people are really nice. I am in a wonderful ladies Sunday school class with the Pastors wife teaching. I just love it so much. My problem is my husband is very and I mean very controlling. God meant what he said about marying evenly yoked and I was blinded. I do know that honoring the covent that God has made is a priority in my life. But what do I do in this situation? I understand the importance of tithing. But he does not, and since he controls the money............................, now that I have become a member of this church adn they are so helpful in helping me learn the bible when I have spent years learning the wrong things in a Pentacostal church, I feel so guilty not tithing....... And I have my own envelopes and everything..................
    Any advice?

    Thank you


    Ps, wish there was a spell check, sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  2. Istherenotacause

    Istherenotacause
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    Tithe on what you can. If he says you can't even do that, then don't. I already know many will say, "If it's your own money he has no say in the matter!" As the wife in subjection to her husband, obey him, he will give account to the Lord for everything under that authority and responsibilty concerning this, and you will have done your part as the wife. God rewards obedience, punishes disobedience.

    Just a note for all those N.O.W. and E.R.A. activists, if you want the "storybook" marriage, obey God, submit to your husband as head of the family, and don't give me that,"What if he wants me to do something illegal?" You had better know the answer to that already! (and you really don't want to know my definitions of those abbreviations!) :D :eek: [​IMG]

    In Christ,

    Brother Ricky
     
  3. dianetavegia

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    Give the church your time! Your time is worth quite a bit! Can you call the shut-ins, bake bread for new members, visit those in the hospital, send email reminders about prayer needs??? There's a lot more to God's work than money!

    In my humble opinion.... tithing is an Old Testament command. Giving, today, is from one's heart. You honor God when you submit to your husband's rules. God will not hold this money issue against you. Do what you can and when you can!

    Also, you might ask your husband if you save money by using coupons, can you donate the money you saved to the church. I sort of feel that you're embarassed that you aren't able to put an envelope into the plate each week. Let me say, that as our class S/S secretary that there are those who write in bold black ink when they give $1,500. and those who put nothing on their envelopes. I cannot help but see those big black numbers... but it reminds me of the pharisees praying loudly in the synagogue.... and the widows mite.

    Diane
     
  4. Don

    Don
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    No guilt, dear one.

    1 Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

    Honor your marraige, that he might see God through you.
     
  5. Carolyn

    Carolyn
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    I guess it is a little embarrasing. I want to be a good example and I am ashamed when I am not being one.
    I also know that I should be least judged at church.....................
    Its hard, but with prayer I have been able to keep a peaceful marriage. Believe you & me, I tried to preach to him, that surely does not work..............
     
  6. Johnv

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    Don't worry about tithing. The next time you're at church, just drop in whatever you can afford out of your pocket.

    His feelings about tithing are understandable. If I weren't a chuched individual, I'd be wary of letting my money go to a place with which I was unfamiliar.

    It's my hope and prayer that he'll eventually see God through you. Give that part of your life time, and worry not about the rest.
     
  7. Grasshopper

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    I would say all these have been good advice. Talk to your Pastor about the situation and then just be the kind of wife God would have you to be.
     
  8. Dr. Bob

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    I Peter 3:1-2 reminds you that you have a responsibility . . and it is NOT tithing! It is by your submissive spirit to your hubby even though HE is disobedient to the Word.

    Please God by your attitude toward your husband.
     
  9. Bible Believing Bill

    Bible Believing Bill
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    For many years I was the unsaved husband, and I let Jeanne give $5 a week. I really didn't see the point in giving more. What she did was to give her time, and not to complain about the paltry amount of money I was letting her give. I took ten years but I finally got saved, and now I see things differently.

    Bill
     
  10. RaptureReady

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    Give as you can. Obey your husband and let him answer to God.
     
  11. superdave

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    tithing is an expression of worship, but is no longer commanded for New Testament Christians.

    Give what he allows you to, if that is nothing, and he controls the money, than you are not going to be held responsible for that. The key to tithes and offerings in the NT is the attitude, you need to be placing your dependance upon God, the amount is not a significant factor, especially when in the God-given authority structure of your life, you are unable to give a specific amount! If your church is preaching the tithe as a specific necessity, than they really need to get back to scripture and evaluate what the Word really says. On the other hand, If you rebel against the wishes of your husband, who has been placed by God in a position of authority, in spite of his equality to you in essense, and you will be held accountable if you do not submit to him. The Bible even indicates that your obedience and respect may eventually cause him to see the difference in your heart and accept Christ for himself. Explain to him why giving is important to you, and even request that you are able to give from what money you control, and show him that you respect his leadership, even when it is not in line with what a Christian husband would reasonably do. The attitude that you have wanting to give indicates that your heart is right, and that is the important thing when it comes to giving. The amount is secondary.

    Thoughts on the tithe
    - Real "tithe" for the OT saints was probably around 30%, not a measly 10 (10% is a good start)

    - OT saints were in a theocracy, they were supporting a government system, and a religious system, a portion of their "tithes" went to non-religious activities (although much more difficult to separate in a theocracy), similar to our Taxes

    - Paul spoke volumes about the attitudes to have when we give, not the specific amount.

    - Tithing is an expression of worship, a declaration of our dependence on God, the amount should reflect our lack of devotion and dependence on our own means, but obviously, we are to be able to provide for our families, its not an unreasonable standard!


    [​IMG]
     
  12. tyndale1946

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    I agree with everything said... Give your TIME [​IMG] ... That money cannot buy [​IMG] ... Brother Glen [​IMG] & [​IMG] Sister Charlotte [​IMG]
     
  13. TurboMike

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    Make a challenge to him. Set a certain amount...say $50.00 a month for example. tell him that you would like for him to agree to give $50.00 a month to the church. In one year you will review your finances. If you are in BETTER shape then you would like to tithe, if not you will stop. The only time God says to test him is with money (mal Chapter 3). If may just show him the true power of God which may in turn lead to his salvation.
     
  14. rsr

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    I understand the stance on submission here, and will not disagree with the case at hand.

    But I am confused about something.

    When I was married, I understood that everything we had, we had together. There is not "my" money or "your" money. Is a husband to have final say over all spending, limiting the wife, and yet not be accountable for what he spends?
     
  15. superdave

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    In a Christian marriage, sure, but we cannot expect the unregenerate heart to act in a way in keeping with how a Christian should act.

    He is responsible for his actions yes, but there is a different purpose, an unequal yoke as the Bible says, two people tied together going in at least somewhat different directions. There is bound to be some struggle there.

    The key is attitude. Her desire to tithe is important, but her commitment to submit her will to her husband is also important in showing him Christ's love through her. If her "religion" as he views it is one that causes friction in their relationship, he may want nothing to do with it, where if he sees genuine change and a heart of love, it may cause him to be open to the gospel.
     
  16. Artimaeus

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    Carolyn , there has been some really good advice in this thread. God is much more interested in your heart, your time, and your attitude than He is in your money. He doesn't need any of your money. The only reason He even mentions money is because it is a clear indication to US as to what our attitudes are. If you heart is willing, He is pleased.
     
  17. Harald

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    Tithing has no part in the New Covenant economy. The basis for giving must not be looked for in an economy that has passed away (the OT economy). Paul teaches about giving in his epistles but he does not preach tithing.


    Harald
     
  18. LauraB

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    Maybe in the enveolpe you can leave a note on what you will do for the church that week.
    Maybe you can do something to earn a little money. I sell Avon and although it doesn't pay a whole lot, I always have something to put into the plate and I always have enough to pay a bill. If it is something that would interest you send me a PM and we will see if we can get you started ok. [​IMG]

    Be faithful, give and you shall recieve. I don't know where the money comes from half the time, but I always seem to get my own bills paid..

    You may not be able to tithe with money but you can certainly tithe with doing things for God in the church. I am sure the church would greatly appreciate it too!!

    Don't fret too much Dear, God is watching you and he knows just what you are going through, just be faithful. ;)
     

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