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What Would You Do? (Sensitive/Not family-friendly)

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by Batt4Christ, Feb 7, 2012.

  1. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    If I were the pastor, I would gather a few of the dependable, trustworthy, and spiritually mature couples (including the wives since they are the ones who 99% of the time work with the children and youth) and anyone else in charge of children and tell them that he was a registered sex offender that had finished his prison sentence. I would not go into the gory details and I would pray with them to do a few things:
    • stifle any gossip
    • watch the children
    • watch him
    • love him and his family
    • present it to any guardian of a child who they prayed about and felt like they needed to know
    I would let both him and his wife know that I was going to do this before I did it.
     
    #41 Scarlett O., Feb 8, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2012
  2. Batt4Christ

    Batt4Christ Member
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    Way over my head? Maybe so. But there are details not listed as well that are contributing factors.

    By the way- 3 Deacons. 5% of average Sunday attendance.

    I have spend hours in the phone with the daughter. The mans record is not leaving him - and she is making sure of it. No-reasonable person expects her to "reconcile" after years of systematic sexual abuse. Further, this man still has no spirit of repentance for the acts he committed- only continuing anger towards his victim and his ex wife (who he places the blame on for his acts).

    He also had a Facebook account. Through this, he had connected with several church members. When his account was nuked by FB, those going to his page were greeted with Bing search results listing his sex offender reports. He tried to re-register, and that account was nuked by FB in less than 8 hours. He had sent out many friend requests to church members with this new account. When they tried to respond- there were the search results again (FB has a "no registered sex offenders) policy.

    This man's "crime", for lack of a better term, against the church is his omission. Omission, that he as a former preacher/pastor should have known would eventually catch up to him. Something like his crime is not a simple one-time slip. It is a lifelong condition that must be battle to keep under control. It would have been in the best interest of all parties had he visited with me when he and his wife decided to join the church. As a bit if additional back-story. I am a former member of his previous church. I served as the assistant pastor there, under his brother. Inconsider myself a friend (or at least thought we were) for a couple of years prior to me moving to this pastorate. He never shared the details of his conviction with me. He mislead me from early on to believe his crime was essentially that he sexually assaulted his wife who was estranged at the time. I was t even aware that he had a daughter until the phone call that initiated this.

    Since I first visited with this man after the call, his outward remorse has. Even essentially limited to what HE has gone through, not what his former family, and especially his daughter were subjected to.

    Had he come in and been open from the get-go when he joined the church, a plan could have been put into place to deal with the situation. Indeed the church would have been able to make an informed decision regarding his membership. And the reality, we don't have the resources to extensively help him.

    I won't even introduce the absolutely heanous details of the years of abuse that he inflicted on his daughter that he apparently hasn't apparently come to grips with- nor has he made any effort to offer his daughter a sincere apology (that might help her to heal some).
     
  3. Jkdbuck76

    Jkdbuck76 Well-Known Member
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    The Pastor's job is to protect the sheep from the wolves all of the time. This includes child predators. What did Jesus say about those who offended little ones???

    Surely if some child rapist got saved and repented and knows the Lord for real, then they would also understand that their mere presence at a typical church would not be a good idea for MANY reasons--not the least of which would be:
    1) temptation
    2) freaking everyone else out and causing all these problems in a church.

    If you love Christ, you'll love His Church and refrain from hurting it!!!!!!!!!!

    A pedophile joining a "normal" church filled with all ages is nothing but trouble. And the guy mentioned in the OP is looking for trouble if you ask me. If the aforementioned (and hypothetical) person understands the gravity of their sins, if they LOVE the Body of Christ, then they wouldn't WANT to go disrupt an otherwise nice local body of believers and stay at home and watch Charles Stanley or somebody else on Sunday morning. Who but a creep would want to disrupt a church with their presence?

    Reformed alcoholics must avoid bars and liquor stores. P-rn addicts must stay off filthy websites. And pedophiles must stay away from ANY place that has children---especially churches!!!!!

    There are missions out there for pedophiles. My wife's older brother goes to one. He raped 5 young boys. He is NEVER welcome in our home because we have a 4 year old son---even if we were childless I wouldn't let him over. A local church body is NOT for my brother-in-law....that is why he goes to a mission for people with his "condition".

    I've said all I'm going to say.
     
    #43 Jkdbuck76, Feb 9, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 9, 2012
  4. matt wade

    matt wade Well-Known Member

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    Glad I don't go to your type of church where people aren't welcome. Would you also say that someone that used to be a thief shouldn't ever attend church? There is obviously a temptation to steal people items (people leave purses laying around all the time in a typical church) or steal straight from the offering plate.

    What about former adulterers? Should they not go to any church? There are people of the opposite sex there.

    Your stance is completely ridiculous.
     
  5. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    Does no one else get the fact that this man blames his ex wife and the child for this?? Yes, he blames his ex wife and the child:

    "And yes, he says that what he did was wrong, but clearly still blames his ex wife - clearly spelling how how it was her fault."

    "Also keep in mind that the daughter/victim forwarded a complete file of court records, the police transcript of his statement to police (that also squarely puts the blame on his ex wife - and actually says his 11 year-old daughter "offered""

    I'm sorry but this man is not repentant.
     
  6. Mark_13

    Mark_13 New Member

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    Batt4Christ -
    You didn't read my most recent comment. I think the deacons have it right, now- just ask him to quietly move on. But I'm not omniscient either.
    -------------
    But considering how small your church is - maybe that's the place for him. One of my answers is absolutely correct, that much we know.
     
    #46 Mark_13, Feb 9, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 9, 2012
  7. Mark_13

    Mark_13 New Member

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    That was the police statement from 20 years ago, when the crime occurred.
     
  8. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    Yes, and the man continued to say this if you look at the OPs posts:

    "thought he still holds his ex-wife at least partially to blame..."

    "but clearly still blames his ex wife - clearly spelling how how it was her fault."

    "He also had a Facebook account. Through this, he had connected with several church members. When his account was nuked by FB, those going to his page were greeted with Bing search results listing his sex offender reports. He tried to re-register, and that account was nuked by FB in less than 8 hours. He had sent out many friend requests to church members with this new account. When they tried to respond- there were the search results again (FB has a "no registered sex offenders) policy. "

    **This shows that he is ignoring rules knowing that Facebook has a no registered sex offenders policy yet continues to try to go against that**

    "He never shared the details of his conviction with me. He mislead me from early on to believe his crime was essentially that he sexually assaulted his wife who was estranged at the time. I was t even aware that he had a daughter until the phone call that initiated this. "

    This all speaks volumes.
     
  9. abcgrad94

    abcgrad94 Active Member

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    Exactly. He's not repentant, which means those entrusted with the protection of the church need to ask, "WHY is he here?"

    Over our years in ministry, I've noticed a pattern. Over and over, when chronically unrepentant people come into the church, it is ALWAYS for their own personal gain. This is usually financial, but other times it's for boosting their own pride, soothing a guilty conscience (See, I go to church, so I'm a good person. . .) or even for more sinister reasons. Yes, I know this sounds judgmental, but we've observed this over and over. Those who are repentant want to GIVE back to God and others. They will be humble when confronted in love, not angry, not blaming others.

    So, when you see someone like this, who is not truly interested in admitting sin, not interested in changing, you find their real motive in coming is not good, not edifying, and sometimes, as in this case, downright unsafe for others.
     
  10. Mark_13

    Mark_13 New Member

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    To annsni - FYI, He wasn't on facebook for the purpose of cultivating victims. It was his own foolishness to not be cognizant of the FB policy there. Its evidently his daughter running around causing problems for him. He definitely needs to seek reconciliation and forgiveness from her, tell her personally how remorseful he is, etc. He definitely needs to do that. I can personally accept the strong possibility that he currently has no predilections to child abuse or what have you. You or I do not know that someone remains a pedophile for life. People that kick heroin aren't necessarily heroin addicts 20 years later. The pastor already told us that he has not demonstrated the slightest interest in children at the church. And actually, if he were interested in that, he would have gone to a very big church where he could blend in and not be noticed one would think.

    It still puzzling how he could come into this small church and immediately start giving his testimony about being in prison, but then lying about what he was in for. Maybe he sensed that his daughter or someone would cause problems for him.
     
  11. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    Facebook will notify you of why they are shutting down your account. He knew when the first account was closed why it was closed. He decided to go ahead and try to get around the rules and open another account, defying the authorities. That is wrong.

    Yes, but he still has not repented - as he has shown by the fact that he still accuses his wife of fault in his raping a child. How is it his wife's fault?

    Or maybe he is not repentant and needs to be counseled and disciplined.
     
  12. matt wade

    matt wade Well-Known Member

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    Or maybe he knew people would freak out and oust him out of the church the moment they caught wind what he had previously done.
     
  13. Mark_13

    Mark_13 New Member

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    Is Facebook the "authorities" now? I know they probably collude with the government in ways they're not up front about, but that does not make them duly constituted "authorities". Just saying.
     
  14. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    Facebook is the authority on Facebook and by him trying to open multiple accounts even after he was notified and shut down shows that he disregards the rules.
     
  15. Jkdbuck76

    Jkdbuck76 Well-Known Member
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    If they molest YOUR kid, you'll change your mind.

    A church full of kids is NO place for a child rapist. Period.

    If child rapist's feelings get hurt....TOO BAD!!!!! They'll get over it.

    Their victims don't get over it.

    Likewise, I wouldn't want to go to your church if your pastor lets it become
    a pedophile haven. No offense.
     
    #55 Jkdbuck76, Feb 10, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 10, 2012
  16. matt wade

    matt wade Well-Known Member

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    Would you also say that someone that used to be a thief shouldn't ever attend church? There is obviously a temptation to steal people items (people leave purses laying around all the time in a typical church) or steal straight from the offering plate.

    What about former adulterers? Should they not go to any church? There are people of the opposite sex there.

    What about a murderer. Should murderers be banned from ever attending church again?
     
  17. Mark_13

    Mark_13 New Member

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    Jkdbuck76 - I say this in Christian love - but, your are a clueless loudmouth and your opinion is worthless. What constitute's "full of kids"? What church doesn't have kids? Where did the pastor indicate the church was "full of kids"? So even 20 years in the past is not long enough? Apparently you won't be happy until he's dead.
     
  18. Jkdbuck76

    Jkdbuck76 Well-Known Member
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    Gee, thanks, Mark_13. I can feel all that Christian love emanating from you now. Namecalling is great, Mark. It shows your true level of maturity.

    If he blames his wife and his victim, then apparently 20 years is not enough.


    No. I didn't say that. I said he needs to find some sort of mission for offenders like himself. That's all. Again, thanks for all the "Christian love".

    Edit: after all, Mark_13, this is a "what would you do" thread. And what I'd do is ask the man to leave.
     
    #58 Jkdbuck76, Feb 10, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 10, 2012
  19. abcgrad94

    abcgrad94 Active Member

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    What a hateful post, and on a FELLOWSHIP part of the forum especially for those in ministry.

    Since you're so outspoken about this, Mark, answer me this. How many "reformed" sex offenders do you personally know? How many have you counseled with? How much experience have you even had in this area?

    I don't claim to be an expert, but I've counseled with many victims of sex crimes and have spoken with offenders. Both victims and offenders have come to our church, and guess what? We've never, ever, ever found a sex offender who could control his addiction. NEVER. Every single one has fallen into 2 categories--the repentant who makes sure he gets constant counsel and accountability, or the unrepentant whose pride makes him believe he doesn't need help.

    So far we've only seen one who was truly repentant and wanted to change. He, of his own accord, decided not to continue attending our church and instead placed himself in a more secure environment with the resources to help him better.
     
  20. matt wade

    matt wade Well-Known Member

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    Would you also say that someone that used to be a thief shouldn't ever attend church and find a mission for offenders like themselves?

    What about former adulterers and find a mission for offenders like themselves?

    What about a murderer. Should murderers be banned from ever attending church again and find a mission for offenders like themselves?
     
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