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Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Salty, Aug 30, 2014.
Is it better to marry young, or to wait?
And your opinion is...?
Salty, I do not know if this is a true story or not ... but it is interesting regardless.
Years ago I read that a young man approached Socrates.
"I need your advice," the young man said. "I want to know if I should get married or not.
In his way Socrates asked him questions for about four hours. Finally Socrates aid, "Well, young man, it does not matter if you decide to marry or to remain single. Whatever you decide you will live to regret it.
Whenever the individual believes they have arrived at the emotional, intellectual, and spiritual maturity to sustain the most serious relationship with another human being. Once this is established, then when they have found the ideal partner, who they love for all their strengths and weaknesses, and are ready to commit to a lifelong covenant before God.
Arguing for younger marriage is silly and makes little sense in our present day. While I'm not suggesting folks wait to their 30s, suggesting couples are more ready at earlier ages is dangerous and implicates the sheltered nature of thinkers who make this proposal.
Maturity is very important-generally, I would agree that at least one partner should have finished higher education (if that is the goal ). There is no need to rush into marriage.
The reasoning for a young marriage - so they will not commit fornication - is nothing more than an excuse.
and now, Rolf - your opinion
I had lots of friends at Liberty U get married right out of college. Too many haven't made it. There's a whole set of issues the authors of that piece don't udnerstand or fully relate.
Yeah that's a pretty stupid reason (not you, but this line of argumentation) for marrying early. I waited, plenty of people wait, and besides that, we owe them a better argument.
"We got married in a fever,
Hotter than a pepper sprout..."
I was 18 and madre was a couple of years older. We had neither the pot nor the window to throw it out. I was weeks out of Basic and AIT and at my first duty station Fort Carson Colorado. madre was half way through her junior year of college.
December 12th, 1979 I picked her up at the airport. December 13, 1979 we said our I do's at the 2d Brigade chapel. I signed a lease on a two room apartment with a Murphy bed and a tub so small it was hard to get your feet wet. We owned no furniture, the clothes on our back and a $200 car from a buy here-pay here operation just off post.
We didn't have our future well ordered but we were in love and convinced God had made us one flesh to serve Him. For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health and we've had them in spades over the years. We promised God and each other that only one thing would ever separate us - and that, too, will come in its season.
Padre, I am glad that you and Madre have made it for the past 60 years or so.
BUT many other Christians have said the same thing and within a few years they were facing the Divorce court.
Don't have stats off the top of my head but three things that may lead to divorce are:
1) marry too young
2) know each other too short of a time
3) different culture/religion ect
Of course, even if those things are not pertinent - than after marriage - other things can come between a couple. My understanding is that finances is at the top of the of the list. Also, unrealistic expectations /Lack of preparation, ect
I would like to mention that we often hear of a 50% divorce rate. Apparently that stat is wrong. That is based on the number of weddings. For example, if in a given year there are 100 weddings and 50 divorces - we assume the divorce rate is 50%. But keep in mind that those 50 couples who divorced were married over a period of many years. CBN reports the rate is closer to 25%
One final thing - When I was at Ft Hood, back in 1982 or so, there was a guy in my unit who had just re-up for Germany and as a mechanic - received a very nice re-up bonus. This fella was a member of a Baptist church (IFB). Well, somehow he was convinced he should get out of the Army and go Bible College to be a preacher. I talked to him a bit, and told him there were several (English-Speaking) churches in Germany and that he could be of a great asset to them. He was determined he had to go to Bible College. Well, he was able to get out of his re-enlistment. 1) he had to pay the re-up money back, 2) his wife was pregnant . So he went to Bible college - with no job, one child and one on the way. A time later, his wife divorced him. Sad......
I think that people and circumstances differ. Padre and Mrs. Padre married young thirty-five years ago while still establishing themselves as young adults, and by his account they are happy and have done well. Mrs. Rolf and I married later in life... when those things were settled. Twenty years later, the only regret has been that I did not meet her sooner.
If a couple is emotionally, practically (Cannot think of a better word. Think: common sense), and financially mature enough to "Leave and Cleave"; I see no reason why they should not marry.
When a couple marry they no longer live for themselves. They become one flesh as God planned.
"Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
Matthew 19:6 NAS77
Selfish ambition and lack of genuine communication scuttle a marriage. We have had our share of adversity through the years. If one flesh is to prevail it is incumbent for us to keep our vow around us, God between us and His purpose for our marriage to go before us. I can count on both hands and all my toes the number of times we could have thrown in the towel. Many have under lesser circumstances.
We have faced each one. You don't get a choice in most of life's travails. What you do control is how you respond to each of them. Quitting is not an option. I have made a small fortune over the years and watched most of it evaporate due to circumstances out of our control. We spent 30+ years accumulating furnishings and surroundings that made us comfortable at home to watch most of it consumed in a fire. Helplessly, we watched our oldest son spiraled into an abyss of illness.
Through it all the one constant was our faith in God. It hasn't been easy but we learned the greatest blessings come as we emerge from the valley of the shadow than when we were on the mountain top. David said, Though I walk through the valley..." It is important to remember the difficulties are milestones along the way. They are not the dwelling place. We place our faith in the One who spoke the valley into existence confident that He knows every stumbling place, every crack and fissure, every danger around every unseen corner.
We were too young, too poor, too inexperienced in life to make it work. God knows better. To Him be the glory!
lol. you're one of the few people on here whose posts I really enjoy, Padre.
May God bless you and Madre with more happy years.
I got married after I got my girlfriend pregnant. Made an honest woman of her.
We should get together & do some bird hunting or fishin. Not right now though....in the future.
Yea, he is a regular guy........not a wingnut!:thumbs:
Why.....marriage might lead to DANCING!
If you do it right! :love2:
After almost 70 years on planet earth w/out a wife, I guess you'd call me a lifetime member of the BTR Club.
For those you don't know, BTR simply means Bachelor Til the Rapture.
Membership in the BTR Club probably isn't for most folks....and that's OK with me.
The Apostle Paul remarked in Philippians 4:11 that he'd "...learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." For me, that's saying to be content being unmarried.
We married people are gluttons for punishment....my ring is engraved and was made tight....the old Jewish woman said she made it tight for a reason.....lol. Guess she knew what she was doing.......we will celebrate 27th year of (wedded bliss) in 2 weeks......and I woulda never thought it possible.:laugh:
It’s a different age now…not that I am that old, but different from even when I was young…er.
My parents had friends who were married in their early teens (we’re talking 15 and 16). They have been married for over 50 years now. They married, went to work, started a business, and raised their children. But the “maturity level” was different. I have a friend whose son is in college. Do you know what happens if his son is caught out late up to no good? They call his mommy and daddy.
When we graduated high school we were given three options. Go to college, and we could live at home if it was close by; join the military; or move out and get a job. Today it is not uncommon for children to live with their parents until their mid-twenties. I am not saying that this is good or bad...I just wonder if our youth ('utes for us "My Cousin Vinny" fans) are as prepared for life as previous generations.
I suppose it depends on the individuals when they should marry.
Would say no right or wrong, its more make sure both parties and saved, and both ready to be married!