Why did the chicken cross the road (from a fundy perspective)?

Discussion in '2000-02 Archive' started by Daniel David, Oct 14, 2002.

  1. Daniel David

    Daniel David
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    A few more perspectives on the chicken.

    Chuck Swindoll: The chicken crossed the road because by grace it was granted the freedom to do so.

    Jonathan Edwards: Because crossing the road was its greatest desire.

    John Piper: Because it wasn't fully seeking and savoring in whatever chickens are supposed to be satisfied in.

    An un-named theologian: The chicken had already crossed two bodies of water that symbolize salvation and sanctification. Apparently crossing the road leads to glorification.

    Rick Warren: The other side met its needs better.

    Bill Hybels: The current side was abrasive and didn't allow for any and every system of thought.

    James Dobson: His self-esteem wasn't high enough on the current side.

    James Dobson: To start a moral revolution.

    James Dobson: To join with chickens of all faiths to promote the building up of the males at a conference known as Promise Roosters.

    John MacArthur: Any attempt at allegory is a prostitution of what the text says.

    John MacArthur: "They went out from us because they were never of us."

    John Maxwell: Because he is a strong leader that will gain a following by nature.

    Dan Wallace: Although the current text is acceptable, the earliest manuscripts specify that it was a hen and not just any kind of chicken.

    Zane Hodges / Charles Ryrie: God's grace will keep that chicken even though it has departed to the other side.

    RC Sproul: To go fight against the theology of Rome, of course.

    Jack Hyles: He was soul-winnin' which is more than I can say about the chickens that just teach like John MacChicken.

    Peter Ruckman: He is of satan. The story goes like this: the chicken crossed the street. By replacing street with road, you have entered into the demonic realm that will...

    Chuck Swindoll: To say that crossing to the other side is wrong is nothing more than legalism. He has the grace to do as he pleases.

    Adrian Rogers: Even though all other chickens wouldn't, this chicken was willing to stand alone for what is right.

    D. James Kennedy: to ask the two questions beginning with - if you were to be fried tonight...

    Timothy George (Beeson): to find common ground with the RCC - Roman Chicken Churches.

    Bruce Wilkinson: it was claiming the abundant life that came from the Prayer of JaHen.

    Charles Stanley: it was in the spirit (always preaching on walking in the Spirit).

    Lewis Chafer: although saved for 17 years, the chicken was just now surrendering to the Lordship of Christ.

    Yoda: crossed the road he did; much fear I sense in him (I realize Yoda isn't a theologian but neither are a few others that have been mentioned).

    Dr. McCune: Because the chicken carried progressive dispensationalism to its logical end--chickenental theology

    Greg Boyd: Because it realized it's indecision was frustrating to God since He couldn't do anything about it.

    Bob Jones, III: Sorry, I just can't go there.

    Dell Johnson: two possibilities
    1. Because some Lutheran said it was the place to be.
    2. Because Mrs. Horton told him to.

    Jon Pratt: If you'll read Ferguson's Backgrounds, examine P46 very carefully, and familiarize yourself thoroughly with Markan priority and Bock's use of form criticism in his 2-volume Luke commentary, you'll be prepared to have a knowledgeable conversation on the subject. When the chicken said, "I need to cross the road," it seems that the chicken must have been speaking "pre-crossing" rather than "post-crossing." On the other hand, the timing of this statement is not essential to the application.

    Richard Mauw: to publish the anti-fundachickenism book entitled "The Smell of Eggshells".
     
  2. Wisdom Seeker

    Wisdom Seeker
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    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Because He was trying to get away from the Fundamental Baptists that like to eat fried chicken.

    Here chick, chick, chicken.

    [ October 14, 2002, 07:33 PM: Message edited by: WisdomSeeker ]
     
  3. All about Grace

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    Just a few to add.

    Max Lucado: The chicken had crossed similar roads and taken similar paths in the past. He just changed the name of the road and published his map under a new name even though the content was virtually the same.

    And by the way, all chickens who purchase the new map (which contains the same content) will receive the new "Max Lucado scratch-and-sniff Bible."

    John Piper: B/c the chicken was a Christian Henodist and it was his heart's desire to cross the road.

    Tim Lahaye & Jerry Jenkins: Because the chicken did not want to be "left behind". Although in the chicken's eschatological scheme, being left behind provides second opportunities.

    There was a rumor that the chicken did not produce the quality eggs that Lahaye demanded so the chicken is being sued by Lahaye. Sometimes 25 million eggs is just not enough.

    Phillip Yancey: Because the chicken had never seen the road from that perspective before.

    Jerry Falwell: to make the rest of the evangelical chicken world look like idiots & b/c Thomas Road Baptist Church has over 15,000 members and Liberty University has over 12,000 students and b/c when I came to Lynchburg, I knocked doors 7 days a week, 23 hours a day .................... will that chicken ever stop clucking about itself?

    John Maxwell: B/c there are 25 irrefutable laws on how the chicken can successfully cross the road and lead others across.

    Bruce Wilkinson: B/c the chicken saw three nests on the other side and backslid into carnal chickanity.

    Henry Blackaby: B/c God was working on the other side of the road and chicken wanted to join in.

    Robert Schuller: cross the road ... remain on this side ... whatever the chicken decides does not matter as long as it feels good.

    Oral Roberts: The chicken saw a 900 foot egg on the other side of the road (but the egg forgot to mention the chicken's new nest would go bankrupt).

    Benny Hinn: The chicken had a broken wing and needed someone to breath upon it.

    W.A. Criswell: He is not sure why the chicken crossed the road. However a ghost writer has written a book about it and published it under Criswell's name.

    Paige Patterson: B/c the chicken wanted to control the chickens on both sides of the road.

    The SBC: B/c the Chicken Faith and Message 2k said it had to cross or else no more feed.

    The CBF: B/c the chicken's soul competency was stripped away and it wanted to find a pin that included goats, horses, pigs, etc.

    This is fun. But I must stop for now. [​IMG]
     
  4. C.S. Murphy

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    Wisdom seeker nice to see you again, I have been missing you.
    Murph
     
  5. Wisdom Seeker

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    Thanks Murph. [​IMG]
     
  6. Siegfried

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    Wow. Some of those are really creative and funny, PTW. Did you come up with all of them by yourself?

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Because PTW said if he didn't his gizzard would be out like Florida State from the AP top 10.
     
  7. Daniel David

    Daniel David
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    Siegfried, it is good to see you again. I confess, the list is not entirely mine. I must have missed the copyright infringement though.

    Remaining in the top 10 every year is apparently only a burden Florida schools carry. After we stomp N.D., we will be back in.

    Out like the passing game of non-Florida teams.
     
  8. Abiyah

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    These are hilarious and ought to be published.
    I don't know even 1/4 of the people mentioned,
    and they are still funny!

    Our old church: Cross the road? If the chicken
    is one of us, it did not cross the road. I know we
    promised that it could cross the road, but not
    yet. Perhaps when certain members of the
    board are gone. Yes, some have crossed
    alleys, but that is different.

    My present congregation: Crossing the road is
    not mentioned in Torah, and we don't know if he
    crossed on the Sabbath. We are not going to
    enter into gossip about the chicken.

    My husband's pastor: So the chicken crossed
    the road, did he? Hm-m-m. I don't think we
    will at this time, though, because there hasn't
    been any Christian precident set for crossing
    roads, and it is not in the creeds.

    Oh, well. You had to be there to understand
    these, I guess.

    [ October 17, 2002, 01:09 PM: Message edited by: Abiyah ]
     
  9. Dr. Bob

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    I'm stealing this whole thread for a grif.net humor piece down the road. Funny and apropos! :D

    And sadly, I know most of the people. Some were colleagues, some teachers, some wrote the text books I used when teaching in college and some are just "heros" of mine. [​IMG]

    Made me laugh all the more! :rolleyes:
     
  10. Siegfried

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    Ah, so that explains why your theology is such a curious mix of the teachings of Schuller, Hinn, Oral Roberts, and Yoda! :D
     
  11. Wisdom Seeker

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    Too funny! [​IMG]
     

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