Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Discussion in 'Politics' started by LadyEagle, Jan 2, 2009.

  1. LadyEagle

    LadyEagle
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    This is good stuff - you'll know why I posted it in Politics as you read on down. Just had to share this email: (author unknown)

    >> Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
    >>
    >> SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the
    >> chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for
    >> lunch.
    >>
    >> BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was
    >> time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
    >>
    >> JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road
    >> because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and
    >> dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the
    >> road.
    >>
    >> HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped
    >> that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes
    >> me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that
    >> every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to
    >> cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
    >>
    >> GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed
    >> the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side
    >> of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for
    >> us. There is no middle ground here.
    >>
    >> DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
    >>
    >> COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly
    >> see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
    >>
    >> BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
    >> What is your definition of chicken?
    >>
    >> AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
    >>
    >> JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the
    >> road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross,
    >> and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not
    >> for it now and will remain against it.
    >>
    >> AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some
    >> black chickens.
    >>
    >> DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken
    >> doesn't realize that he must first deal with the problem on
    >> this side of the road before it goes after the problem on
    >> the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him
    >> realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current
    >> problems before adding new problems.
    >>
    >> OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having
    >> problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad.
    >> So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and
    >> take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this
    >> chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
    >> not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
    >>
    >> ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a
    >> chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the
    >> other side of the road.
    >>
    >> NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's
    >> guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
    >>
    >> PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking
    >> American.
    >>
    >> MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that
    >> chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's
    >> Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain
    >> level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
    >>
    >> DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it
    >> with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it
    >> crossed I've not been told.
    >>
    >> ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
    >>
    >> GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
    >> road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and
    >> that was good enough.
    >>
    >> BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments,
    >> we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first
    >> time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a
    >> serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its
    >> lifelong dream of crossing the road.
    >>
    >> ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
    >>
    >> JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing
    >> roads together, in peace.
    >>
    >> BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will
    >> not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
    >> documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is
    >> an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much
    >> more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
    >>
    >> ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or
    >> did the road move beneath the chicken?
    >>
    >> COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
    >>
     
  2. NaasPreacher (C4K)

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    Dr Martin Luther King - I have a dream that one day all God's chickens will be able to cross that road wing in wing with peace and harmony.
     
  3. OldRegular

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    Go Sarah! :thumbs: :thumbs::thumbs: :applause:
     
  4. NaasPreacher (C4K)

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    Ronald Reagan - That chicken remind me of day when America was not afraid to cross new roads just to see what was there. I want to see that kind of America again, where not chickens but Americans have the pride and determination to cross new roads and break down new barriers, an America where road crossing is no longer feared, but admired!
     
  5. LeBuick

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    Funny alll

    Baptist Preacher.. God gave man this chicken... Can I get a witness? And he placed that chicken on the right side of the road. It's ok to say AMEN... Now it's typical that we don't appreciate what the Lord has done in our lives, so this chicken looked and longed to be on the other side. AMEN lights... Now this chicken left just like the prodigal son in search of a world beyond his country and found himself on the other side of the road which was a far away country... Y'all didn't hear me. I said he left this side, seeking that which was on the other side... Help me Holy Spirit...
     
  6. billwald

    billwald
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    Long time ago I talked to a guy ho worked in a chicken. Said they had a standing order from The Col. for every undersized, runty chicken.
     
  7. tinytim

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    PETER- Will someone get that chicken... that little snitch!


    Which is why every preacher likes chicken... It is payback time!
     
  8. SBCPreacher

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    Being a Baptist Preacher, I do know my chickens!! And them there was good stuff!
     
  9. Dragoon68

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    Congress - Every chicken is entitled to cross the road without risk or adverse consequence. No chicken should ever suffer in America. No chicken should be confined to a chicken coop for the mere purpose of laying eggs or awaiting slaughter to feed man. Therefore we will enact laws to regulate chicken crossing and establish a new federal department of chicken crossing enforcement. We will seek to add chicken crossing homicide to the list of hate crimes to stop the senseless slaughter of chickens by man and his evil machines that have deprived chickens of a feed stock. We will establish gun-free crossing zones, install traffic control devices, or build overhead chicken crossings over public highways. We will provide rehabilitation care to any chicken that suffers mental or physical harm while crossing or mental harm from not being able to cross. We will provide mandatory training to all chickens on how to cross roads. We will provide mandatory chicken appreciation training to all students in government schools. We will provide funding to research and determine the reasons why chickens want to cross the road and seek a cure to this often fatal disease that is certainly not the fault of the chickens.
     
  10. OldRegular

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    :applause: Some of you guys could get a job on late night TV.:applause:
     
  11. ktn4eg

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    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road??
    A: To prove to the possum it could be done!!


    Q: Why did the possum cross the road??
    A: To prove to the squirrel it could done without zig-zagging!!

    You know, folks, the poor possum has been overlooked and underrated for way too long.

    But, think about it, what other critter on the face of God's green earth--man or beast--is capable....singlehandedly at that.....to stare down a 2-ton, fully-loaded, logging truck without flinching!?? (And, if you that that's EASY --- then try doing that yourself!)

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------

    And, here's something to consider: A POSSUM CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE !!!

    Some time, when you're out there in the deep woods and you're down to your last little nibble of beef jerky, your feet and ankles swollen and sore as can be due to your wandering aimlessly in circles for hours on end...

    All you need to do is just find yourself a lowly possum!! And, after you've thanked the good Lord up above for answering your forlorn pleas for deliverance from the bone-chilling cold and wind, you just keep following that little four-legged marsupial!!

    And, if you've followed little critter long enough, you'll find out what its sole purpose of being created by God up above.

    ....Because, God knew there'd be folks like you, and He also knows that after a while that humble, 4-legged, furry critter will lead that poor 2-legged human critter to a road!!

    .... And, having led that lost and wandering human to said road will then proceed to make the ultimate sacrifice for the human by luring the nearest hunter's cammo-flogged 4x4 truck (complete w/ gun-rack, and that big roll bar full of halogen spot lights & that still-working CB radio that's good even though he's miles away from that narrow coverage zone of that fancy cell phone of yours (whose charge has long since been run down far below zero).

    And, then, once having lured said truck to your vicinity will make 100% sure the hunter will see your shivering body by stopping in the middle of that road so that the hunter's truck will first run over the possum, back up over it again then instantly brake...

    Reason being 'cause that thar hunter knows he hadn't had a good meal of still-warm white meat that's been quadruple-tenderized (front-and-rear heavy duty, off road tires runned forwards and backwards!).

    Whereupon that hunter will notice y'all limpin' 'n' a-crawlin' alongside the road.

    And, feeling sorry for you, will begin his tailgate party by first clearing out a space on his truck's bed (all them thar leaves and branches [and what-not-all that's been lying dormant for months underneath said pile]) and then will offer you a sip or two of partially heated coffee from his somewhat battered and cracked 5-gallon-sized thermos.... and--the piece d'resistance----a great big gob full of still-drippin', steamin' hot possum to quiet that growling stomach of yours!

    As God's Word tells us----"...Think on these things."

    Especially when you're wont to question the usefulness and functionality of that humble, meek, and self-sacrificing critter known as the possum.
     
  12. SBCPreacher

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    When I was in south Arkansas, it was, "To show the armadillo if could be done." Here in eastern NC (since we don't have armadillos) it just didn't make sense that way.
     
  13. Salty

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    I just thought the chicken want to visit both Baptist churches
     
  14. LadyEagle

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    You guys are cracking me up. :laugh: Get it? Egg...crack....
     
  15. ktn4eg

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    Yeah, Just as I suspected.........Another Crack Pot!
     
  16. Bible-boy

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    The Socialist: --The chicken crossed the road so that she could have "free" healthcare, "free" college tuition, to collect "free" welfare so that she would never have to lay another egg so long as she lives, to get "free" public housing, to get "free" food stamps, to get all the "free" abortions she wants using her "free" government healthcare, and to make sure that the "wealthy" pay all the taxes necessary so that she and millions of other chickens just like her can live on the "free" government dime and never work again if they don't feel like it. :D
     
    #16 Bible-boy, Jan 2, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2009
  17. ktn4eg

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    Well, if the chicken DID want to visit BOTH Baptist churches .... then both of them must be listening to a CD of Salty's messages!

    IOW, both of them are fast asleep!!!:smilewinkgrin:

    Sorry, that couldn't be that case that they're listiening to a CD of Salty's messages......They're just having trouble jammin' Salty's "Greatest Messages" 8-track tape into that little CD-player's tiny slot!! :laugh:
     
  18. Salty

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    Well, we are a very conservative church, the one on the other side of the street is so liberal, they actually use musical instruments while they sing!:smilewinkgrin:
    and we use the KJV of 1492- the one Columbus brought to Americia:thumbs:
     
  19. bobbyd

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    The Unruly Church Member: "It's all that preacher's fault! I knew his wife was going to be trouble! I'm calling the deacons to complain about the chicken crossing the road! And did i mention his kids?"
     
  20. LeBuick

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    Interesting, so if the chickens on the first side would work and patriotically pay more taxes they wouldn't have had need to cross the road?
     

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