Why is it bad to be intimate before marriage?

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by blackstarling, Sep 14, 2006.

  1. blackstarling

    blackstarling
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2006
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm not asking because I'm questioning whether or not it's wrong, but rather, I'm asking because I was recently challenged... and I didn't really know what to say.

    I am curious to see what the bible specifically has to say about intimate relationships before marriage... and even after marriage as well.

    I'm in a situation where I have all but fallen for a fella whom I really enjoy being with. However, his background isn't nearly as strong as mine. He's had sex once before, I've never. He's ready to wait for me as far as sex goes, but he's really been hounding me about other intimacy. He wants to know why I'm holding out when he knows that I'd love to smother him in kisses. He doesn't understand why someone would hold back when they want to do something so 'harmless.' I need a solid argument to give back to him, because all I've had thus far is 'It's just wrong.'

    Any help on any part of this subject would be greatly appreciated, I'm at a loss myself, sort of in a corner here.
     
  2. Brother Bob

    Brother Bob
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    May 13, 2005
    Messages:
    12,723
    Likes Received:
    0
    Because the bed is defiled and its sin, called "fornication". That is why Scripture says its better to marry than to "burn".

    It is a beautiful thing to present yourself as a bride that has not been defiled. Not too many do anymore but thats how God wants it. I don't know if any will come on here and condone it or not but wouldn't be surprised but I tell you as a man of God, it is "sin".
     
    #2 Brother Bob, Sep 14, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 14, 2006
  3. blackstarling

    blackstarling
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2006
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know it's sin. I know it is. But why? Where does it say that in the Bible? I'm not disagreeing with you -at all- but I need to be able to defend my choices to him. When he asks me what's wrong with fooling around without having sex, what should I tell him?
     
  4. Brother Bob

    Brother Bob
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    May 13, 2005
    Messages:
    12,723
    Likes Received:
    0
    Tell him the Spirit is strong but the flesh is weak and "fooling around" will eventually lead to sin. If he truly loves you he will wait until marriage, If he is using you he will leave.

    This one scripture is telling you not to do it.

    1Cr 7:9But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

    If it were ok to have sex before marriage Paul would not of said this. I can tell you how I was. I lived in Michigan for years before marriage. Everyone that was free with me I never hung around too long and when marriage time came I drove all the way back to KY to get me a woman who I felt to be a virgin. Of course, there are no more virgins in Ky than Michigan its just I knew the people. The ones who gave in to me there was no chance I was going to marry them but then again I am 67 and old fashioned.
     
    #4 Brother Bob, Sep 14, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 14, 2006
  5. blackstarling

    blackstarling
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2006
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know he'll wait. Or at least, I'm pretty sure he will. If he doesn't, I've not lost much have I? So that's not an issue. I mean, there are so many other issues in going into a relationship with a man who isn't where he needs to be with God.

    Still... I think if I use that terminology that he'll just look at me funny. Also, he's just going to swear up and down that he won't let it lead anywhere... I'm not really sure what to say to him that he wouldn't immediately counteract.
     
  6. Brother Bob

    Brother Bob
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    May 13, 2005
    Messages:
    12,723
    Likes Received:
    0
    Scripture says your faith shall be tried and I guess this is your faith going through the test now. I pray you will keep your self respect and he will love you more for it.

    1Th 4:3For this is the will of God, [even] your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:

    1Th 4:4That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;

    Your body is the temple of Christ if you are a Christian and an unclean temple He will not dwell in.
     
    #6 Brother Bob, Sep 14, 2006
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 14, 2006
  7. Gina B

    Gina B
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2000
    Messages:
    16,944
    Likes Received:
    1
    Try looking at it from this point of view: What do you consider sexual intimacy?

    I would consider it to be any physical contact meant to make one feel aroused.
    A kiss from a mother to a daughter is not sexual.
    A kiss from a boyfriend to a girlfriend is sexual, and if they were married, would be a prelude to complete sexual contact.

    Another way to look at it: if such physical contact is not sexual, what would be his problem with you expressing your affection for another human in the same way he wants it from you?

    Being pure doesn't mean you're still pure because you only got halfway there. There's no need for scripture to point out that you can't complete half the sex act and then still be innocent. It's common sense! If you only eat half a sandwich do you say you haven't eaten?

    Where does the bible say sex before marriage is wrong? Here's an article on it: http://www.victorious.org/sex.htm
     
  8. blackstarling

    blackstarling
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2006
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ah, I like that answer. See, that gives me something to bring to the table! I really like the part about the whole kissing someone else thing.. if it's not intimate... then I should be able to do it with everyone! And then the sandwich analogy. See, that's the kind of talk he'll listen to. Short sweet and to the point. Logic. Thank you. If you have more of that sort, I'd be glad to have it!
     
  9. Gina B

    Gina B
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2000
    Messages:
    16,944
    Likes Received:
    1
    Ok, while I'm here.

    Why are you unsure of your salvation? I'm glad you're trying to present the Christian way of living to this guy, but is he gonna buy it from someone who isn't sure of their Christianity?

    Your relationship with Christ, or lack of one, is much more important right now than the issue of sex. In fact, it's urgent.

    If you're seriously on this board for Christian fellowship and you honestly are unsure of what you beieve about Christ, let's talk. Tell me about it on here, or send me a pm, or pm me your phone number and I'll call you. I've been on this board for years, I'm sure people will vouch that I'm trustworthy and not a whacko. (ok maybe not that I'm not a whacko, they might know me too well. HA!)
     
  10. tinytim

    tinytim
    Expand Collapse
    <img src =/tim2.jpg>

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2003
    Messages:
    11,250
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gina is legit!!! a nutcase sometimes, but always has sensible advice... even when I disagree with her, I still see her love for Christ shining through.

    If you are willing for her to help you, you will find a valuable asset in her friendship... I'm sure.
     
  11. blackstarling

    blackstarling
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2006
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ah... well, in my beliefs I'm very strict. I adhere to what common society views are a most fundamentalist view... I don't believe the once saved always saved bit... and sometimes I go through times in my life when I go much farther than neglecting my faith... I deny it and even sometimes simply place it on the shelf only to return to when it's good for me. It seems to me that the only time that I'm really strong in my faith is when I need God the most. As if I don't need him all the time...

    As it's written, it's better to be hot or cold than to be lukewarm...
     
  12. Priscilla Ann

    Priscilla Ann
    Expand Collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2002
    Messages:
    616
    Likes Received:
    0
    blackstarling:

    I'd like to share the following with you:

    "Every time you choose to passionately kiss or touch a guy in a sexual way, you are sending a message that he can treat you like his little plaything. Every time you hold on to your boundaries, you teach him that you are a woman of integrity who is worth the wait. If he is too impatient to wait until marriage, then he's risky marriage material anyway. If you are too impatient to wait until marriage, you are learning patterns that make you risky marriage material too. You want to be able to trust each other wholeheartedly, and dating is a season in which you earn that trust."

    This is from the women's devotional entitled "Every Woman, Every Day" by Shannon Ethridge. I highly recommend this devotional. It will encourage you to strive for purity. You won't regret it.

    God Bless!

    PA
     
  13. bapmom

    bapmom
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2005
    Messages:
    3,091
    Likes Received:
    0
    blackstarling,

    Id be wary of a guy who is pushing you to go beyond any point where it would violate your convictions.....even if you didn't have specific Biblical support for it.
     
  14. Gina B

    Gina B
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2000
    Messages:
    16,944
    Likes Received:
    1
    And it's better to be with Christ than without him.

    If you have no faith, you're not denying your faith. You're simply continuing to deny Christ, only more adamently. From what you're saying, you have no faith, you have religious ideas...at times. It doesn't make you someone of faith. Just someone who has heard about it.

    I strongly urge you to consider Jesus Christ. Who was he? What did he do? Why?

    Where do these moral ideas you have come from? Why would you want to follow them? Fundamental Islam, fundamental Christianity, fundamental Catholocism, fundamental mormons, and many other "religions" talk about sexual purity. Why do you link yourself to Christianity rather than another group with the same concepts of morality?
     
  15. Gina B

    Gina B
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2000
    Messages:
    16,944
    Likes Received:
    1
    Thanks TinyTim!
     
  16. blackstarling

    blackstarling
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2006
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    He's always very content to deal with my morality and my decisions when I have valid reasoning for them. I'm a very logical person and so it's hard for him not to understand me when I explain myself. However, saying 'Just because' when he asks me why it's wrong to fool around wasn't working! I think he'd wait until after Christ's 1000 year reign if I wanted him to. I just would feel better about having a better answer for him that's all. I think that Gina gave me some really good input that he'll appreciate. (And me too!)

    And for Gina...

    I believe very strongly that Jesus Christ is the son of God. He died for my sins and the sins of those who came before and after him. He rose again just as miraculously as he lived and died. If it wasn't for him, I would be nothing. I am a sinner, just as the rest of the world. I'm not Islam because Mohammed was a misunderstood prophet at best. I'm not a Catholic because there is no man, pope or otherwise, who stands between myself and God. Jesus changed all that when he died on the cross for me. I confess my sins to God when I pray to him, and only him. I don't know enough about mormonism to say why I'm nto a Mormon.

    I don't need to consider Jesus Christ in the sense that you've suggested. I know who he is, was, and will be forever in my eyes. My moral ideas come from a deeply rooted knowledge of the Bible, my preference, the King James Version, as is commonly thought to be the most undiluted version. I make no attempts to lessen the strength of the rules set forth in the Bible. I make very few 'interpretations' of the word in that I am not one of the people who believe that the Bible is very vague and can be looked at from various standpoints. I think the Bible is in fact very straight forward. And thusly, it's easy to see what God expects of us while here on this earth. That is where my moral standpoint is founded.
     
  17. Gina B

    Gina B
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2000
    Messages:
    16,944
    Likes Received:
    1
    Ok, that makes sense. Thanks for your answer!

    Now, for a question of logic.

    Being that you take Christ and the Word very seriously, what part of "whosoever believeth in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life" do you struggle with so much that you don't know if he saved you?
     
  18. blackstarling

    blackstarling
    Expand Collapse
    New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2006
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    That's a loaded question...

    I have a hard time believing it's that easy. As humans, we want to believe that everything we have we've earned through hard work. So right off I look at salvation and think 'It's too good to be free! I must have really impressed God to have this!'

    I know that this is NOT the answer. Salvation is free. Free to all who believe. But then... I'm not studied enough yet to find out if there are other stipulations.

    My body is a temple to God, yet I smoke and sometimes I drink, and very often I don't eat what I should. I haven't attempted to speak the gospel to anyone in years, much less let on that I was even a Christian. This reminds me of the time the cock crowed three times... I swear from time to time, sometimes saying the lords name in vain. I worked at a bar for six years all the time calling myself a Christian while taking a paycheck from a den of fornication. The bar that I worked in had been a church, constructed in the 1800's oddly enough.

    I don't show Christ the proper respect that he's due in my life. I don't compromise my morals, and I live a good clean life... but somehow, I can't help but think that if Jesus lived in our era, if he'd even be able to look me in the eye. Or rather, could I look HIM in the eye? I'm very ashamed of myself, and I'm sure he's a thousand times more ashamed of me.

    I believe. I DO. But how can that be enough when living a life like I do?
     
  19. Gina B

    Gina B
    Expand Collapse
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2000
    Messages:
    16,944
    Likes Received:
    1
    Because it's not about you and what you did, it's about Christ and what he did. Living the Christian life starts to happen out of love when you do, and becomes a desire rather than something you feel you must do out of obligation or to earn merit in Christ's eyes. He already died for you, you don't have to prove you were worth it. He already did that... he already thought that.

    When you honestly realize that, you'll start honestly living for Him.
     
  20. El_Guero

    El_Guero
    Expand Collapse
    Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2004
    Messages:
    7,714
    Likes Received:
    0
    Theologically, biblically, and psychologically there are problems with too much intimacy outside of marriage.

    It is sin.

    The Bible says it is wrong.

    But, in the modern world it sounds like he is asking you to set a standard above the Bible and Theology . . .

    For a man, that is like throwing gasoline on a fire . . . dangerous and not very smart. And from your description, you have much more to loose than he does . . .

    ;)


     

Share This Page

Loading...