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Why is it those who are divorced or have made mistakes in their lives.....

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by superwoman8977, Oct 2, 2008.

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  1. superwoman8977

    superwoman8977 New Member

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    Are being treated in this society and in churches etc as 2nd class citizens? I have been divorced now (not my fault I didnt want the divorce) since June, anyways there have been a lot of people in here and on other sites that think because I am divorced and some of the other issues going on in my life that I and my kids are to be treated as 2nd class citizens. Case in point I had a teacher at my son's school (he's 6) call me and ask for some help in the class and as soon as I mentioned that I worked all day and I couldnt help her attiude changed because then she realized that I was a single mom and now her attiude is different towards me. It has also happened at church people are very cordial and nice to me until they find out there is no Mr. so and so and that I am a single woman thats a Christian. Should that make a difference? I have never thought differently of lesbians, divorcees, or people making mistakes in their life and running away from God because it is my belief that they are people too but yet I dont know how many times I have been excluded from something because I dont have a spouse. Like its not that hard for me to get a sitter and join in the fun or am I a threat or something to Christians. I just dont get it. :BangHead:
     
    #1 superwoman8977, Oct 2, 2008
  2. Dr. Bob

    Dr. Bob Administrator
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    Lots of churches filled with man-made teaching who simply do not understand or will not apply the truth of God's Word.

    I feel great sorrow that you have been made to feel someone "second class" (your word). It is not unusual. Some of it, though, might be your own guilt or sensitivity to the situation, reading more into the matter.

    But I've seen divorcees not allowed to work in a church ministry, be shunned by other women (don't want you near their husbands, probably) and otherwise shamefully treated.

    It isn't a perfect world or a perfect church. But you should not build your life or self-image on what OTHERS might say or do.

    Here is some advice:

    People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
    Forgive them anyway.

    If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
    Be kind anyway.

    If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies;
    Succeed anyway.

    If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
    Be honest and frank anyway.

    What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
    Build anyway.

    If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
    Be happy anyway.

    The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
    Do good anyway.

    Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
    Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

    You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
    It was never between you and them anyway.

    (Mother Teresa)
     
    #2 Dr. Bob, Oct 2, 2008
  3. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    Superwoman, I don't think it's the fact that you're divorced. I have seen many divorced in our church and other churches who are treated very well and certainly not second-class citizens. It may have something to do with you now living with a man without the blessing of marriage that would make a church look to you as someone living a life that's against God's Word.

    As for the school, I think you're reading too much into it. Atleast 1/4 of the students in our schools are being raised in homes touched by divorce, I'm sure.
     
    #3 annsni, Oct 2, 2008
  4. ShotGunWillie

    ShotGunWillie New Member

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    That is an odd way of putting it, sounds more like a blessing when you say it like that.
     
    #4 ShotGunWillie, Oct 2, 2008
  5. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    I know but it's the best term I could use. There are some who have come to Christ after they married and their spouse is not saved. After marriage, the spouse decides to file for divorce and no matter what the believing spouse does, the divorce goes through. They have been touched by divorce.

    Others are like a friend of mine who found her unsaved husband sleeping with anything that walked (including animals and she had concrete proof) AND was molesting her children, initiated the divorce themselves. They have been touched by divorce too.

    Sometimes divorce happens no matter what we want. It's a sad thing. I do think Superwoman's divorce was not of her will or doing - it was her husband's decision and he walked away from his wife. There was nothing she could do. However, the actions she's taken since then are not following God's best for us and she has decided to disobey Him.
     
    #5 annsni, Oct 2, 2008
  6. ajg1959

    ajg1959 New Member

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    I was about to tell my story concerning divorce, and offer some advice about things that I have experienced.

    But, if Ann is right, and you are actually shacking up with a man, then there isnt much I can say to help. And to be honest.....I dont think God is going to bless you or your family as long as this continues.

    I do care about you and your situation, I told my wife about it, and we have added you to our prayer list.

    But, you have to understand that sometimes, we cause our own misfortune by the way we live. Live right, as best you can, for God, and He will bless you.

    AJ
     
    #6 ajg1959, Oct 2, 2008
  7. North Carolina Tentmaker

    North Carolina Tentmaker New Member

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    Hang in there Superwoman, it gets better.

    People will put you down for many reasons, the biggest is that it makes them feel better about themselves if they can. They can forget about their own sins because they are so much better than you are (only in their minds, but I hope you know what I mean).

    You are a threat to them in many ways. Insecure women are afraid you will steal their husbands. Those trapped in horrible marriages will be threatened from their “It can never happen to me” mentality. Women under the thumb of oppressive husbands will envy your freedom. Insecure men who keep their wives under their thumb will too. They know their wives could never make it without them. You enable them to pound on their chests and pray thanks to God that they are not like you (Luke 18:11). How can you actually have a relationship with God when they know in their hearts that they don’t?

    What Dr. Bob posted is right. It’s not about them. The bible is full of shunned women from Eve to Mary. Some due to their own sins, others just due to God’s will.

    Don’t give up, don’t loose sight of God, and it will get better. God will in his time use your trials and your experience to help others, others who will need your help.

    My parents have never been divorced, neither have I, but 42 years ago my mother was an unmarried pregnant teenager. Can’t blame anyone but herself (well it takes two but you know what I mean). But she did not kill me (yes, I was the baby, one big reason I am so opposed to abortion). She got married, finished school, and went on with her life. For the last 30 years of so she has been a high school teacher and principal. I could never tell you how many, and she would not break their trust, but she has sat face to face with scores of teenage girls that faced the same thing. How many lives has she affected and been able to help because of what was at the time sin?

    I am not excusing what she did or your divorce. I know you said it was not your fault. Not to pick on you but nobody is completely innocent. If nothing else you did agree to marry the guy. I am not condemning you, we all make mistakes. But what I am saying is that God uses us anyway. And sometimes God uses us in special ways not only in spite of our mistakes but because of what He has taught us and made us into through them.

    Dr. Bob, thanks for the words of Mother Teresa there. I had never read that specifically before. Is there a tie in between that and the Martina McBride song? There almost has to be.
     
    #7 North Carolina Tentmaker, Oct 2, 2008
  8. superwoman8977

    superwoman8977 New Member

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    First of all I am not "shacking up" with anyone. I never did "shack up" we dated. I have not seen anyone since the end of July with work and the kids and the house and everything I have just been too busy. Secondly I am not the only one that has experienced this. I attend Divorce Care on Wednesday nights at the church and the members have all experienced this whether we are attending church or even out to dinner by ourselves, just with the kids or with friends, etc. I dont know how many times I have taken the kids to dinner and people with families just stare because its like they know the whole story. Which they dont. I also dont know why divorce isnt an open subject. It happens. It can happen to anyone whether you want to or not. But saying that I have not made good life choices since my divorce, you dont know that. I have dove into my work with the army and have taken on a promotion which God provided so I could make my bills and has given me the strength to run the house and be the mom I need to be to my kids. There is one woman in divorce care whos husband is a pastor and after 16 years of marriage and 2 kids he walked in one night and told her he didnt love her anymore and walked out. It can happen in the most secure of Christian marriages. I have a friend who told me when I was going through my divorce that it couldnt happen to her--4 months later her husband called her and told her it was over and they taught the married adult's class in the church! Someday maybe there will be Mr. Right but for the moment there isnt --I havent even been on a date since the end of July just been working and being with the kids.
     
    #8 superwoman8977, Oct 2, 2008
  9. ajg1959

    ajg1959 New Member

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    Sorry if I got the wrong information,

    But I did notice your quote by joyce meyer, she is a "word of faith" preacher/preachess that teaches false doctrine,

    And, I went to your Myspace page....honestly, it didnt look very christian. What liitle bit you have for the public to see paints you in a very angry, and secular light.

    I am sorry if I got the wrong information about you living with a man, but after reading your myspace and seeing that you follow Joyce Meyer, I still stand by my advice, Live for the Lord and He will bless you.

    I wish you the best

    AJ
     
    #9 ajg1959, Oct 2, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2008
  10. superwoman8977

    superwoman8977 New Member

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    Joyce Meyer's words along with the word of God have gotten me through this very tumultuous time in my life. I love her book Beauty fo Ashes that shows along with scripture to back it up that God loves me even when no one else does. I also love Beth Moore and just finished "Get Out of that Pit" which has so helped me in my walk to be closer to the Lord. I am not trusting of people right now since I have been hurt every time I trust someone, right now me and God are getting through life. I spend about 40 min doing my daily divorce care devotional as well as reading (right now its John Bevere's newest book) and backing that up with another 15 min or so in the Word. Whatever I read whether it be Joyce or Jesse Duplantis or whomever I back up with the Word and so far have not been failed yet. God has blessed me more than I could imagine with the finances so I can support my boys and I and my awesome new promotion in my job. But I had to learn to give Him His 10%. Life has not been easy but by sticking close to the Lord and focusing on Him and the kids it has gotten alot easier. Its hard though when someone tells me it was my fault that he left when it wasnt he was tempted by someone else and he took that temptation hook ,line and sinker. There are times I ask myself what could I have done differently and the answer is nothing. I stood by him through 2 deployments to Iraq I prayed over him each night and prayed over our marriage and didnt take anything for granted and in the end it wasnt enough. Maybe someday there will be Mr. Right but I dont see him in the immediate future and so I struggle on being the 2nd class citizen and being thought of differently than anyone else. Its not a fun place to be. :tonofbricks:
     
    #10 superwoman8977, Oct 2, 2008
  11. Dr. Bob

    Dr. Bob Administrator
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    Looks like you're being treated as "second class" right here on the BB. :(
     
    #11 Dr. Bob, Oct 2, 2008
  12. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member
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    There are definitely churches with prevailing attitudes toward divorced people. Even in churches with divorce care ministries.

    When we go through tragedies such as divorce and we are aware that there is and can be a stigma attached to those in that situation we can also become hyper sensitive and begin to see everyone as judging us.

    In many cases bot are true at the same time. If you become willing to give up your right to be treated fairly and work with all diligence to love those who may hold ungodly attitudes toward you as a result of your divorce what you will find is that there will be less people who are judging you and your peace will return.
     
    #12 Revmitchell, Oct 2, 2008
  13. Amy.G

    Amy.G New Member

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    Looks like you've got more going on than just being divorced.
     
    #13 Amy.G, Oct 2, 2008
  14. superwoman8977

    superwoman8977 New Member

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    But what I dont get is why people cant accept divorce? In todays day and age even the Christian world it is a part of life. I look at it this way for every woman or man you see divorced just know there is a hurting ex spouse struggling to understand why it happened and more often than not there are kids involved as well. I used to think my marriage was solid and then I started seeing things that changed that perception and when I tried to talk to him about it the lines of communication went down and well that was it. I am the same person, the same Traci I was whether I was married to my husband or not and that is where I get frustrated. I still love to go out and have a good time with my friends still love to cheer my son on at his football game still love to go to church and listen to Pastor's awesome messages. I just dont have anyone to share the days of my life with but I am still me. God still loves me. Even all I have been through I know He still loves me and is blessing me. He has opened my eyes to divorce care and to helping other hurting women other 2nd class citizens as well.:BangHead:
     
    #14 superwoman8977, Oct 2, 2008
  15. mparkerfd20

    mparkerfd20 Member

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    Wait what? That quote could be out of context...

    Is this person divorced, not dating anyone since July, and pregnant and then started THIS thread? I'm confused... I thought I remembered superwoman8977 saying that the woman her ex-hubby cheated with was pregnant. Maybe that's what the above quote meant.
     
    #15 mparkerfd20, Oct 2, 2008
  16. ajg1959

    ajg1959 New Member

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    Ok...please explain? Are you pregnant? Who is the father?

    AJ
     
    #16 ajg1959, Oct 2, 2008
  17. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member
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    Divorce should never be accepted
     
    #17 Revmitchell, Oct 2, 2008
  18. Amy.G

    Amy.G New Member

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    Here is the page where I quoted superwoman8977.

    Here is a thread started by superwoman8977 regarding a hypothetical woman who was in the middle of a divorce and found herself pregnant.

    What do you think?

    Maybe she will come back and clear this up.
     
    #18 Amy.G, Oct 2, 2008
  19. ajg1959

    ajg1959 New Member

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    I dont have a clue


    If it is not her, then why now just say so?

    Or have I missed it altogether?

    AJ
     
    #19 ajg1959, Oct 2, 2008
  20. mparkerfd20

    mparkerfd20 Member

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    I would hope so. :praying:
     
    #20 mparkerfd20, Oct 2, 2008
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