Why Men Hate Going to Church

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Deacon, Aug 8, 2005.

  1. Deacon

    Deacon
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    This discussion stems from the book of the same title by David Murrow

    See: Why Men Hate Going To Church in the Book forum for a review.

    At his web site he asks:(http://www.churchformen.com/allmen.php )

    • What is it about modern Christianity that is driving men away?

    • Jesus was a magnet to men, but our churches repel them. What’s changed?

    • Why do rival faiths inspire male allegiance, while ours breeds male indifference?

    • What can we do about it?

    I'll have to wing the answers just like you, I already gave the book away to my pastor.

    Rob
     
  2. guitarpreacher

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    Another awesome book that touches a lot on this subject is "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge
     
  3. yeshua4me2

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    modern christianity (not everywhere but mainly in apostate churches) has de-masculinized masculinity. I have heard tales "from the old days" when men were encouraged to be men, not more understanding. of course men in those days very often had no choice but to be men, but now men who want to knock the heads off jerks swearing in the next booth, are said to have "anger" issues, instead of righteousness issues. i premit no one to oogle my wife if they do there just might be blood, especially after i give them warning (i only warn once). and liberal preachers, and liberals in general for that matter.
     
  4. Ben W

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    In the world today there are more women than men, particurly in New Zealand and also in Australia to a lesser degree. Hence New Zealand has a parliment dominated by female leadership which leads to a Matriachal society. This flows into churches, particurly when on mission fields there are ten female workers for every one male.

    People rip on Promise Keepers, yet we need something to bring back the balance.
     
  5. Deacon

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    Promise Keepers: A polite group of men holding hands and singing. They even picked up their trash when they were through.

    Are we feminizing Christianity?
    Let’s look at our hymns.
    How masculine is Jesus, lover of my soul?

    Jesus, lover of my soul, let me to Thy bosom fly,
    While the nearer waters roll, while the tempest still is high.
    Hide me, O my Savior, hide, till the storm of life is past;
    Safe into the haven guide; O receive my soul at last.


    Here’s another:

    When He cometh
    (this one’s actually a favorite of mine sung by Allison Kraus and the Cox family)

    When He cometh, when he cometh to make up His jewels, all His jewels, precious jewels, His loved and His own.
    He will gather, He will gather the gems for His kingdom, all the pure ones, all the bright ones, His loved and His own.
    Little children, little children who love their Redeemer, are the jewels, precious jewels, His loved and His own.

    Like the stars of the morning, His bright crown adorning, they shall shine in their beauty—bright gems for His crown.


    As for the lazy men excuse, the problem is world wide in Christianity, not just in America or Europe..
    From what I see Moslem men gather in large groups regularly. No problem with recruitment. I'll bet they don't sing love songs!
    There doesn't seem to be any problem getting suicide bombers to blow themselves up for their 70 virgins.

    Of course you'll all laugh when I tell you my profession is a nurse! :D

    Rob
     
  6. Petrel

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    Unfortunately we are unable to offer that sort of compensation. [​IMG]

    I agree in some churches there's a movement away from the more warlike songs to more wimpy ones. ;) I'd say both have their place.
     
  7. guitarpreacher

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    Assume you are real man's man, and you have no experience with churches or Christianity. If you walked into your church on a typical Sunday morning, would you see anything that would make you want to check it out?
     
  8. Ben W

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    How about "The Power Team"? [​IMG]
     
  9. Deacon

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    Guitarpreacher has a great point. Jesus called us to be fishers of men. We want to draw men into our group, not drive them away.

    Suggestions when in a church group of predominantly men.

    > Stop the hand-holding.
    > Don't have them confess their sins to one another in groups or out loud. Eeeeek
    > Encourage one-on-one discipleship (or small group 2-3 men), the big group stuff doesn’t work well with us.
    > Minimize the song time, and make sure the songs are strong and lively (Weren’t some old hymns sung to drinking tunes)
    > Break-up the sermon into smaller bites (it will digest better anyway).
    > Do it outside, forget the stuffy church sanctuary.
    > Make it challenging, REALLY challenging. Promote competition.

    Rob
     
  10. John Ellwood Taylor

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    Not unless you wear one of those traditional nurse's caps [​IMG]
    Nurse's Caps ]Caps[/URL]
     
  11. Window Wax

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    The church needs to teach men to be strong men of God, and stop teaching them to be (***edit by blackbird***) who try to get along with everyone...

    The church needs to teach men to stand up for what is right, and not sink away from confrontation.

    Music and lyrics are important, choose them carefully.

    Get men involved in projects with other men (and the same with females), so that they can have meaningful male to male relationships, which will also inspire accountability and holiness in their lives.

    Flowers are beautiful and great, but don't over-do it... An OVERLY intimate environment can, and will, put men to sleep. (This is also where the music comes in...)

    Stop feeding the flock baby food, real men like (and need) steak. In great times throughout church history, the flock have had great desire to hear the Word. In NT days, the church would come together EVERY DAY! The same is true about other great revivals. Some preachers brought such truth and power to the pulpit that the flock would come together daily to listen to them preach. Powerful preaching is needed, it is the main duty of those whom God has intrusted to be undershepards.


    These are just a few ideas that popped into my mind. These are not perfect or complete ideas by any means, but we have to start somewhere.


    - W.W.

    [ August 11, 2005, 07:41 PM: Message edited by: blackbird ]
     
  12. WallyGator

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    Short answer: PRIDE
     
  13. RockRambler

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    I go to church every Sunday, but I must say they I have changed churches before due the boring preacher. I enjoy soul-stirring sermons, not wandering-talking-about how sorry the world is. I want a sermon that inspires me to be a Christian, not be depressed.
     
  14. Deacon

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    My short answer: boring

    But of course not at MY CHURCH! :eek: [​IMG]

    The percentage of confessing Christian men in the United States is high.
    The percentage of them that go to church is quite low.

    I consider myself fortunate: as head usher I can walk about and do various activities during the services. I can't sit for long periods of time without figiting.

    Rob
     
  15. Friend of God

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    Rob- I agree with you completely. I too, was Head Usher at the church I used to attend. In the course of 10 years I probably got to hear about 10 sermons. I was too busy with recording the offering, the attendance(in the sanctuary and all the Sunday School Classes), and trying to find people willing(or interested) in ushering. it was nice to walk around-but it doesn't beat being in the service. Like your first name.

    Rob
     
  16. Deacon

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    I get to listen to both services AND lead at the Wednesday evening Growth Group (so I get the sermon notes).
    Unless absolutely necessary, I sit with my wife in the service she attends for the sermon and much of the singing.

    I've listened to more sermons that the pastors wife. I must be a slow learner.

    Rob
     
  17. Soulman

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    I think the real problem is that men have been lazy. If the church has been feminized it is because we have had to see the ladies take over as the spiritual leaders in alot of households. The ladies are the ones that get the kids up and to church and the ladies have had to fill many of the leadership roles because the men won't get up in the morning.

    Now men have the excuse that they don't want to go to church because it is geared too far over to the feminine side.

    We as men are reaping what we sow. Men need to lead their families again. We need to be more involved in the spiritual lives of our families and take church more seriously. God set it up for men to lead. It is the men who have dropped the ball spiritually.

    We need to stop finding lame excuses for not attending church and take responsibility for what has happened.

    I believe it will balance out as God intended when men lead their families instead of laying that responsibility on the ladies.
     
  18. Rachel

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    Amen Soulman.
    Believe it or not most women do want strong leaders in our families and churches. We don't want wimpy churches either.
     
  19. guitarpreacher

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    I read an interesting statistic a while back, and off the top of my head can't remember where it was, but it said that if the wife/mom gets saved and connects to a church, it's a struggle to get the rest of the family, and the % is pretty low. But if a husband/dad gets saved and connects to a church, it's a very high % of entire families are reached. In other words, if we reach the men, we get the whole family. Something to think about
     
  20. Deacon

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    You must have read the book!

    Rob
     

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