I am in a very horrible position, where I am getting very prideful against God, and having horrible thoughts and feelings about Him....but I am desperately trying not to. My pride is as great as Satan's. I don't know if I am under an attack of the enemy, or if Satan is trying to get me to join his forces.....but I am trying to hard to humble myself and even begging God to humble me and bash my pride to pieces and soften my heart and let me love him. But the pride and enmity always boils up. I hate it. I fear God is just hating me as much as he hates Satan right now, going to cast me into hell at any moment. I feel like I am in the position of Esau, who sought his birthright yet despised it. Here I am seeking God desperately, yet also being at enmity with him in the process. All I can do is beg him for mercy and humility. I want to love him so badly and have nothing but love and praise and worship for Him.......but my heart is of stone. And I've told many people this (on other forums even), and I'm always told to give my care to Jesus. And I try to approach him, but I always feel he's looking down on me with hatred, since I've been so prideful against him. Has anyone ever struggled with pride against God? Is it possible I am actually in the same position as Esau? It's so scary.