WIDOWS

Discussion in '2000-02 Archive' started by hrhema, Jul 9, 2002.

  1. hrhema

    hrhema
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    The Apostle Paul when dealing with the subject of women whose husbands die stated that a woman should not be accepted among the widows under the age of 60 and all younger women need to remarry yet I am finding that many churches are discouraging remarriage and telling these women that they are being disloyal to the deceased spouse.

    Then I am finding single people over the age of 30 who want to marry but are being discouraged by their church. They are being told they should not seek a mate.

    What is happening in churches who think they have the right to tell people what they can or cannot do. Some of these people honestly are afraid to date.
     
  2. Johnv

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    If your marriage was faithful, and your spouse is deceased, and you're done with grieving and have moved on, then by all means marry. Paul may have said what he said (which I think is taken out of context by these congregations), but God says "It is not good that man should be alone".

    Let's see the word of God spoken by God... the word of Paul on behalf of God... I choose to side with the word of God spoken by God. Yeah, that's it.
     
  3. Aaron

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    I don't find many churches that way. In fact, one is hard to find that does not fully accept divorce and remarriage.

    Paul not only instructs them to remarry, but to bear children--widows, that is. Not divorcees.

    [ July 09, 2002, 07:27 PM: Message edited by: Aaron ]
     
  4. hrhema

    hrhema
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    I am only asking this question because the church I attend which is over 600 people seems to have taken this stand for some reason.

    My wife lost her husband to cancer and when we met the people in her church started telling her that she did not need to be dating and when we got serious about marrying the pressure even became worse. The pastor had no problem with us marrying even though I was a divorcee because my first marriage ended because of consistent adultery.

    My wife has a burden for the women who are widows at the church because many of the younger ones are miserable and unhappy but they don't honestly know what to do.

    Not only do widows receive these teachings but there are about 15 single people not divorcees who have never been married and who are over 30 and any time any of them try to date their sunday school teacher who is a married man berates them and so do other people in the church.
     
  5. Brother Adam

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    I believe that a lot of men struggle with the idea of their wives marrying different men if they pass away simply because they are jealous that another man would be holding their wife. But they have to remember that they are now actually no longer a husband but part of the bride of Christ. As far as people not wanting others to get married after 30...that's just wierd and a little creepy...

    Bro. Adam
     
  6. Karen

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    In my experience in Oklahoma Baptist churches, you have found an unusual one. Also, in one that size, how does the Sunday School teacher even know what they are doing?
    I guess I don't understand the dynamics of a situation like this in which it seems that people are being pressured into an extra- or anti- biblical position so freely and strongly. Maybe they should find a more reasonable church.

    Karen
     
  7. Maverick

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    Just goes to show that a large church can be wrong. Go with the Book and let them be silly if they want to be.
     
  8. kathy56

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    I think you said the Pastor was in favor of your marriage and not preaching the message that this SS teacher and some of the people of the church or presuming to pressure these ladies with. I think the SS teacher should be brought to the attention of the Pastor. No one with that attitude should be in that kind of power position. Also, in brotherly love you could ask your pastor to do a study or sermon on this situaiton.

    Cetainly is interesting how men want to tell women what to do with their lives!!

    God Bless!
    Kathy
     
  9. Abiyah

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    When I was widowed at age 27, I placed my
    children in a Baptist school, and that was the
    first contact I ever had, personally, with Baptists.
    If the people there had had their way, I would
    have been married immediately. I had the idea
    that I would never remarry, and a couple of them
    told me that it was a sin for me not to marry. 8o)
    By that time, I was over 30.
     
  10. Dr. Bob

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    Every Baptist group is as different as any other group you will find. Our church would have expected you to wait, say, 5 years and raise your kids some before even considering remarriage.

    Let GOD, not a baptist church, be the guide. If it is HIS will you find a new mate, then it will certainly be clear to all! ;)
     
  11. Abiyah

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    Oh, Dr. Bob, I waited. I didn't like any of the
    supposedly believing guys I met---they were
    all hands on Friday night and hymns on Sun-
    day. --But I never dated a Baptist then,
    either. 8o)

    I waited until I found the right one nine years
    after I was widowed, and it was Totally right--
    even if he is Nazarene now! 8oD

    Aalso, those people were wonderful at that
    school and church; they were more like
    family than my own church was then, and
    they treated me Far Better.
     
  12. Farmer's Wife

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    Oh my, hrhema! :eek: :eek: I had to read this sentence again!!! ;) For a minute there, I thought you were saying that the single people were trying to date their married SS teacher! WHEW!

    Seems to me like alot of churches have gotten away from God's Word on the subject of marriage, divorces, widows and re-marriage. God give us preachers like we usta have! [​IMG]
     
  13. Thankful

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    Our church prayed that my husband would find a wife and he found me!!! He was sitting on the piano side of the church and I was the organist, sitting on the organ side of the church.

    I had decided that I was not going to marry again, but the Lord works in mysterious ways his wonders to behold. I still stand amazed at the workings of our Lord especially when His people pray.

    I had what I thought was an impossible list of requirements for a spouse, but my husband meets all of them. He is the man I have been searching for all my life.
     
  14. Sherrie

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    Well....I am a widow. My husband died Dec. 2000. My husband attend church and was very well known by everyone. He always had a smile and never an enemy. And then he passes on. I think because I m only 48...everyone watches my every move. What will I do. ahahaha! But things are not like that. They all think there is this list of all available single men and I go around marking it off as I go. Truthfully I haven't left my house (except store...church...Kids) since my husband death. I feel very out of place sometimes in some of the socials. Sometimes I think that churches forget about the widows (men or woman...young and old). We tend to become invisible to the eye. No one is asking our churches to feel sorry for us but stop sometimes excluding. I do not choose to date or re-marry for now...but I have a male friend who right after his wife died...he dated 1 month and then remarried. (he is 38)

    I think the church might give advice as to maybe to give yourself time to heal...adjust to new ways...to cry and morn. Also to everything there is a season. Perhaps they might tell you to concider if that person is saved or not. I have seen women in there 70's getting married in the church. I think its wonderful. I am the youngest widow in my church. I have never been told to not remarry. My pastor was a widow and married another widow. He is 47 now. They have been married about 7 years now.

    I was wondering what church would say that? Now I am in the process of switching churches because of being known too much with my late husband in our church. Fresh starts. And I still have wonderful contacts with the old gang. I think sometimes things become stale. People can't see you any other way but the way things were. Its not their fault. I do it too.
     

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