Wives of Pastors

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Brother Bob, Apr 30, 2006.

  1. Brother Bob

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    I know you all have seen where the woman shot her husband who was a Pastor. I was wondering how all you feel about the pressures our wives have to suffer because we Pastor Churches. My wife has been faithful and always there for me but I do know that it gets hard for her at times. I am gone until late at night many times I was not always there for my children so she had to take care of all the trips to the hospital and their every needs. A sister in the Church asked her once how she was able to share her husband with so many and she said by the help of the Lord. Have you had the same experiences? [​IMG]
     
  2. Brother Bob

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    must all be popes. [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  3. tinytim

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    I believe God not only called me into the ministry, but called her to be a preacher's wife!

    A PW is a special breed of woman. And I believe that God will reward them accordingly.

    I also feel that we as Pastors need to protect our wives as much as possible...The church didn't call them, they called us to pastor.

    But too many churches feel that they can get 2 for the price of 1!
     
  4. Brother Bob

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    I must say no Pastor has had a more supportive wife than I have been blessed to have for almost 45 years and I agree they deserve to be called special.
     
  5. Frenchy

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    I have a question as i have wondered this myself. what is the ROLE of a pastors wife?

    I was in a great church for many years where the pastors wife and the assistant pastors wife were VERY involved. but i have noticed either times have changed or they were the exception. that most pastors wives try and stay way in the background, i have a feeling this is due to their personailties more than anything else, seeing that most pastors are very outgoing and people oriented and we all know opposites attract.

    So as pastors, what is the role of the pastors wife is she only a support to her husband or is she suppose to have some church responsibilties too?
     
  6. Frenchy

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    does no one have any insights to my question? I know I am not the only one who has wonder this
     
  7. Brother Bob

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    I don't think she is obligated to do so but at her own choice. She seems to naturally be a leader for people look to her for decisions on taking care of the church's responsibilities. I guess the big thing is how much she and your children have to do without you while you serve others. The many hours home alone.
     
  8. Ransom

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    what is the ROLE of a pastors wife?

    To be the pastor's wife. "Pastor's wife" is not a church office and should not be made into one.
     
  9. bapmom

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    Exactly Ransom.

    Frenchy, oftentimes the pastor's wife is expected by some in the church to do all these different things. She is no more obligated to be "ultra-busy" in church work than any other lady in the church. Each lady ought to be serving God in some capacity, but depending on her stage of life that service can take different forms. My pastor's wife, for example, has 7 children to care for. Their youngest just got into kindergarten this year, so her service in church ministries is dictated by her family's needs of course. She is actively serving God by raising her children right and caring for her husband. Otherwise, she really is not the type of lady who is skilled at organizing and running meetings and conventions and things like that. We have another lady in the church who is in charge of that sort of thing.

    Other pastor's wives might be able to be more involved in leadership issues if that is where their talent lies.

    We do a great disservice to our pastor's wife if we try to force her into some "role" which she is not suited for, or one which would take her away from our pastor's family needs.

    Her first role/priority is to be the WIFE of the MAN who just happens to have "Pastor" as his job title.
     
  10. Frenchy

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    Thank you bapmom very good insights that really helps. guess i was a bit spoiled with the first church i was in for so long. the pastor's wife was older and their kids were rasied and the assistant wife only had one child then 6 or 7 years later had another. [​IMG]
     
  11. Tom Butler

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    bapmom said,
    Bapmom, I'll go a step further. The pastor's first priority is his wife and family, not the church. A wise congregation will make that clear to a pastor, that if he has to choose, he chooses his wife. And it will do its best to make sure it does not create situations where he has to choose. A pastor whose wife is happy and will have a better pastor. A pastor whose wife is not happy because of neglect has a husband who is close to becoming ineligible for the office.
     
  12. Brother Bob

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    Tom;
    I respect you veiws highly but the church don't control funerals, sick, troubled folks etc. A Pastor's life is not his own to do as he would like all the time. If you take on the role of Pastor of a church you are not only serving that church, you are serving God so even though I agree never neglect your family no more than you have to it still works out they are alone more that I like to think.

    Blessings,
    BBob
     
  13. j_barner2000

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    The Bible is silent on the "Office of Pastor's Wife," so I would say that my wife's duty is the same as any other wife in the Church. Caring for her family and using the gifts He has given her to glorify Him and edify the Body of Christ. Any expectation beyond this is extra-Biblical. We were in a situation where we allowed tradition to force my wife to minister in a position she felt neither led nor gifted to be in. She was miserable and it kept her from doing the ministry she loves, children, as well as she wanted to do.

    I finally had to ask her to let someone else take over that ministry so she could do what God called her to do.

    Some wanted to ask for my resignation, because my wife was not doing something the Pastor's Wife has always done, (I heard about it around town) until I preached on being in God's will. One criteria is giftedness. If God wants you to serve in a ministry, He will gift you for it.

    Do not ever let anyone force you or your pastpr's wife into something God has not gifted that person to do. That just brings about failure because God's will is not being followed.
     
  14. John of Japan

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    There have been times my wife wanted to shoot me, too. But guns are outlawed in Japan, except for the police and the criminals, of course! :D ;)

    When we got married, I told my wife that she was to be my sweetheart and the mother of my kids first of all. That is a tremendous ministry in itself. After that, I told her, she should serve the Lord in the church just as any other woman would.

    So, she has kept me a "happy camper" (after all, we are just sojourners on the earth) for all these years, and home-schooled our son until he is now a future great scholar in seminary. In the church, she does evangelism with me and cleans the church. She has also just started trying to keep track of my messy finances.

    I am positive that my ministry would be dead without my wife. I might even be in jail somewhere!! And to me that the greatest thing a pastor's wife can be: someone who keeps the pastor going strong and out of trouble! [​IMG]
     
  15. mnw

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    I think whatever calling is on the husband has a definite effect on the wife. This may be easy to forget in the comfort of the UK or USA where they can get a job and do no more or less than any one else.

    However, what would you say of the missionaries wife? Will she stay in the "homeland" because it is her husband that is called, not the wife?

    The Scriptures give definite requirements for the pastor, as a man, a husband and a father. Something not often mentioned is that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. So the pastor's marriage must be exemplory. So I believe there is extra responsibility and expectations from the Pastor's wife.

    No, it is not an office, but then neither is the worship leader which so many churches emphasize so much.

    As for a church calling the man and not the wife, I am not sure I 100% agree. If the man's wife was a chain smoking alocoholic (or some other definite willful sinful habit) would that not make a church think twice about calling the husband as their pastor?

    A pastor's wife should not be taken advantage of or expected to be in every ministry all the time. However, like it not, as a pastor's wife there is an added element of responsibility because of the very fact she is the pastor's wife.

    Having said that, I would agree with j barner in that God's will must be the deciding factor in everything.
     
  16. Tom Butler

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    Brother Bob said:
    Brother Bob, of course, you are right. Pastors wives understand the demands on their husbands. If she is happy and not neglected, she can handle that reality a lot better.

    It also is incumbent on the pastor to work hard on his marriage. And he'll be pleasantly surprised how well the church gets along when he is simply "unavailable."
     
  17. rjprince

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    If a man does not first minister to his family, he will ultimately find that he is not in a very good position to minister to anyone else. I have seen far too many pastors neglect their family for the sake of ministry and then lose both their families and their ministries! The fact that God in His grace and mercy sometimes intercedes on behalf of some pastors is no proper argument for a pastor to neglect his family.

    YES, Bro Bob, I certainly agree that there are times when you MUST keep late hours and be away from your family for the sake of the flock. But rest assured that far more pastors have been neglected by those same sheep that they neglected their families for than vice versa.

    Funny how some church members really do expect the pastor to neglect their immediate family for the sake of ministry and yet those same folks cannot usually be counted on to support the pastor and his family in a similar manner. I have seen it to be true that sometimes the ones who make the most demands of a pastor and the ones who make great demands on his time are among the first to turn on him when problems arise. Anybody else here seen the same thing?


    Paul clearly argued that a Pastor's first responsibility is to his family in...

    and also,

    If a pastor’s wife is INDISPENSABLE to ministry, how could Paul have argued that ministry in a state of being unmarried was preferable?
     
  18. mnw

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    I would agree that family are our first ministry. Someone has said that priorities never conflict. If God wants us to do something then He will enable us and will not cause one duty to conflict with another.

    I would not say the Bible teaches that a pastor's wife is indispensable, but it sometimes feels that way! [​IMG]

    BTW, Paul's admonition to remain unmarried was during times of persecution, imho.
     
  19. bapmom

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    From a lady's perspective, let me say that a wife who knows her husband will be there when she or her kids truly NEED him will be very forgiving of him having to leave her alone when other families in their church need him.

    I don't believe a pastor is neglecting his family just by keeping late or irregular hours much of the time. Neglect would be picking a church activity OVER his family's true needs. I do believe that there ought to be some family activities that he will not miss.
     
  20. Brother Bob

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    I don't think my family has ever felt neglected or at least they have never made it known. I just look back over my life and realize how much I missed out on. You all have posted good ideas and bapmom I totally agree with you. rjprince, you hit on something that most don't know but we that go through it but some do make unreasonable demands on a Pastor as if we are supposed to be just with them all the time and as you said when we get sick {like 2 heart surgeries} sometimes we wonder where everyone is at. Oh, I don't mean all for there are some that certainly do what they can but it is one sided and I guess that is how it is suppposed to be.
    Putting your family first? Well most of the time.
     

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