You are in a redneck Baptist Church if... * The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. * People ask (when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000) whether the two fish were bass, crappie or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. * When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up. * Opening day of bird season is recognized as an official church holiday. * A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of." * The choir is known as the "OK Chorale." * In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. * Baptism is referred to as "branding." * There is a special fundraiser for a new church septic tank. * Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable. * High notes on the organ set the in the parking lot to howling. * People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. * The baptismal font is a used dip tank donated by a farmer * The choir robes were donated by and embroidered with the logo from Larry, Darryl and Darryl’s Barbecue. * The collection plates were made out of hubcaps from a '56 Chevy. * The pulpit committee asks prospective pastors questions about hunting dogs, shotguns, and deer rifles.