How would you counsel a woman who's husband won't work?

Do they attend church? If so I would advise her to ask the pastor to pay him a visit. Someone needs to talk with him. If not the pastor then at least someone he respects.

 

One more thing. I would suspect that he might have some type of problem, either psychological or maybe a drug habit, but for a man act this way shows some type of problem.

 

Was his behaviour normal up to that point (year ago when he stop working)? Did he hold a steady job up to that point?

 

Well if he has been this way for years, he might just be a very selfish and lazy man. But I would still be concerned that he might have some type of emotional problem. The fact that he has a wife and children that need food and he doesn't care to work or allow her to do so, is a very big red flag something is seriously wrong. Does he have any family that could intercede? A parent, or brother or sister maybe? He might need some type of medication. It could be depression, he really should see a doctor.

 

My first quick response is don't feed him.




I am sorry, but my independent nature is getting me. I also think that possibly she needs to be looking and obtain a job, then move out on her own with the children. She needs to draw the line and tell him to cross it with a job.

 

i think so, he has abandoned her and is not fulfilling his role as a husband biblically. they/he needs serious counseling (from a licensed therapist), this guy has very serious issues.

or

if it has nothing to do with alcohol/drugs or any addiction and just plain laziness and being a jealous control freak...send over a group of deacons to have a little heart to heart "talk" with him, get him motivated again......not that i recommend such action, but i was raised in the South, and i've heard of this happening...

In XC
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this bum can find a job...get him some steel toed boots and find any construction site and if he shows up willing to work upon arrival...they'll work him that day. i worked contruction after i got out of the military, guys would show up on site wanting work, some came prepared to work immediately, others said they'd come back tomorrow, but never showed back up...

In XC
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Get a job and support her family, yes. Leave him, no. Other than that, assuming this is neither an issue of lack of job oportunity, nor an issue of him suffering from a form of medical depression, then it's an issue of her having married a selfish and lazy sloth. I get the impression from your posts she knew this is the type of person he was when they married (although probably not to this extent). If that's the case, she can't complain about it now (well, she can, but it won't change much). It's unreasonable to have a seat in an italian restaurant, and then complain about dim sum not being on the menu.

That said, it's worth noting that we're only getting one side of the situation. It would be interesting to get his input as well to see if there are other underlying issues going on.

 

In these economic times, the first thing I would do is to make sure it's a matter of "won't work" and not one of" no opportunity to work".

I'd also want to make sure there's not something else going on. One of the things doctors are seeing among those dealing with unemployment in this economy is a sharp rise in cases of severe depression. Speaking as some one who's dealt with severe clinical depression for years, it can paralyze you.

So, eliminating any physical/mental/emotional cause, and it's just a matter of laziness, I would consider that a sin and follow the Biblical guidlines for dealing with sin (ie. confront him and give him an opportunity to repent and, if not, proceed with church disipline.)

 

Just at face value to the op it would appear that she needs to do what is necessary to take care of herself and the kids. But the truth is in such situations the details can be more than is obvious. Without talking to both of them I would be hesitant to say much.

 

Yes. Taking care of the family is scriptural and we should never counsel women to take the husbands word over God's.

 

Good question. There's a welfare issue here. The responsibility of the family's welfare befalls both the husband and wife. If, in this case, the husband is not able to provide for his family's welfare, then it befalls the wife to do so. That is not contrary to scripture at all.

A husband's headship does not give the husband authority to "command" his wife, so there's no issue of disobedience here. Further, scripture does not give the husband authority to instruct the wife to do something that is a detriment to the family. Some would argue that the husband tellign the wife to do so is immoral, and I would not disagree with that.

Yes, absolutely. Husband headship is neither autocratic nor absolute.

 

I think her father (or brothers) needs to have a "heart-to-heart" discussion with him.

Maybe someone needs to throw the bum out.

(I guess I'm not feeling very compassionate today, but this guy seems to be a looser. Any man who refuses to provide for his family is a sorry excuse for a man! The wife and kids need better than that.)

 

The husband may be depressed. It might be a good idea for him to consult with a psychologist and see if he is depressed. Medication and professional counseling may be what is needed to help this man and his family.

Dave Dravecky's wife wrote a powerful book about her experience with depression after her husband lost his arm to cancer and was no longer able to work as a major league pitcher. She found medication and counseling were crucial for her to become well again.

 

This is insanity. He's not mentally disabled, is he? I can't begin to wrap my mind around the kind of mindset that thinks this is Ok.

I'm with you, preacher.

Yes, this is one of those times. If he doesn't want her to work, then he needs to show her exactly how they're not going to starve.