Marriage

Too many variables in the question's scenario to be able to give a meaningful answer.

Depends. Are the parents/in-laws Christians? Could the couple afford to live separately if they wanted to, or do they merely want to save the money so that they can spend it on luxuries? What sort of home do the parents/in-laws have - by which I mean, would there be sufficient room for the couple to move in without overcrowding, and with the possibility of privacy for the two generations?

The idea of a husband being a member of one church, while the wife is in membership of another, seem full of potential problems. For example, when they have children, who takes them to services? And if one of the pastors preaches about marriage as a picture of the love between Christ and His church, what impression of Christ will the children get, with Mum and Dad not being together even for the worship of God?

At well over 6 feet tall, I have no personal experience of this, but I would say there's nothing wrong with it.

Pre-nups don't seem to be very common over here, so I'm not sure of the details of what they involve. The media give the impression that they are about what happens to possessions in the case of a marriage coming to an end. If that's right, then I would answer "no". If the marriage ends because one of the spouses dies, that can be covered in a will. And surely a Christian couple will not plan for divorce?

Possibly. It's perhaps worth remembering that surnames were not used until about a thousand years ago. And the wife taking the husband's surname is not a world-wide tradition either. I understand (for example) in Japan, if the wife has a higher social standing than the husband, then the husband takes the wife's surname. (I'm sure John of Japan will be able to confirm or deny this!)

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with waiting until after graduating college, but I do think that the idea that one has to have certain milestones, such as college, checked off their list before they can get married is extremely harmful.

It's the same attitude that's leading people to wait until their thirties and even forties to get married, while living in sin while they're single.

Maybe. Depends on the family dynamic.

Well, I think we're all agreed that the Bible says that they should both be Christians, but I don't see anything requiring that they be of the same denomination. I would think that would fall under the wife's submitting to the spiritual authority of the husband.

I'm 6'4" so if I married a woman taller than me, something would definitely be wrong.

I think it sets a bad precedent and gives the impression that you don't expect the marriage to last. But if a person really has that little confidence in the marriage, then a pre-nup might be a wise idea.

On the other hand, what we have done as a family is to incorporate as a family. One of the things that means is that if my sons or daughters should ever divorce the family still keeps the property.

This was done for tax and financial reasons, not for "pre-nups".

No. The whole point of marriage is to demonstrate the relationship between Christ and the Church. Christ gave Himself for the Church, but the Church is to give itself to Christ.

 

I will list a few, but bring up any reasonable traits that you feel are important.

Should a couple wait until graduation from college to get married.

There is no should. It is totally subjective to the circumstances. Can they stay out of bed while waiting? Can they marry and stay in school? if the temptation is too great get married. If they can complete school and marry fine if not then don't marry if they can stay pure.

Should a couple move in with the parents/in-laws to save money

NO! She is to leave her father and mother and cleave to her husband.

Should a couple be of the same denomination?
How about a SBC and IBF

No not to date, but if they marry she should come over to his. If she feels she cannot go with his denomination then they should not get married.

Should a couple even consider a pre-nup?

NO! They are to become one and what belongs to the one belongs to both. if the trust is not at that level then don't marry.

Should the wife even consider keeping her last name

That is traditional and seems to be changing in our culture. As long as it does not cause any blurring of the marital roles based on scripture i see no problem if both are at peace with it.

 

If the thought of pre-nup enters your mind, you probably shouldn't be getting married.

 

What I've not yet seen on this thread is the amount of prayer that should go into the choice of a mate. For myself, I prayed for 9 years that God would lead my future wife and me together in such a way that everyone would know that He did it. You can read the story of how God led us together on our website.

Besides that, I thought and studied deeply about marriage for years before entering into it. How foolish it is to jump into a relationship which should last the rest of your life! Most people put more thought into a college or career choice than their lifetime mate. Read books, study the Bible, think about your service for God and what kind of person would best complement that.

Long prayer and deep thought will take care of most of these questions. But I think a couple are already answered in Scripture.

Leave and cleave, that's what the Bible teaches (Gen. 2:24). By all means, don't live with either set of in-laws. Same answer for the wife keeping her maiden name. Leave and cleave!

Am 3:3--"Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" It can work, but they need to choose one or the other, and be fully agreed on it before marriage.

 

Happy to weigh in. :saint: This does happen in a limited number of cases. Almost always the wife takes the husband's name. The exception is when there is no heir in the wife's family. In that case the son-in-law can be adopted as the heir, and take the wife's family name.

The "arranged marriage" in Japan is an interesting custom, but it's not quite what you might think. It's actually a good way in this culture for shy young people to find and get to know each other without all the dating nonsense. First an omiai meeting is set up wherein the young people meet each other with chaperones. A go-between can set this up and help in the meeting. It's a very formal time, with formal dress often, maybe a dinner at a high class restaurant, and the couple gets to know each other some. But whether or not they continue with the relationship is up to them, though the parents may put on a lot of pressure.

Since we came to Japan, so called "love matches" without the omiai have increased. But then so has divorce! So the lesson might be that a young person should include his or her parents in the process, recognizing that they know their child better than anyone else, and their discernment might help.

 

Sad. They're probably in for a rough marriage.

 

ask your pastor where the 3 week law is in scripture.

 

It is a very serious question. If my pastor did this I would ask him that very question.

 

Thank you for the information.

 

I am all for using the brain that God gave, but I am against someone else using theirs to promote what they feel is best for me outside of biblical guidlines. That is socialism.