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Why Marry?

Discussion in 'Baptist Theology & Bible Study' started by Aaron, Aug 8, 2012.

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  1. Aaron

    Aaron Member
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    A teenage girl asked this question once, and followed up with, how can a couple know they will love one another forever?

    How would you respond?
     
    #1 Aaron, Aug 8, 2012
  2. Van

    Van Well-Known Member
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    If the girl loves her husband more than she does herself, and if her husband loves her more than he loves himself, then the marriage will last a lifetime. However, if either one really loves themselves more than they love their spouse, then they will flunk the Corinthians 13 test:

    Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous;
    love does not brag, and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly,
    it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth, bearing all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

    Love never fails.

    We are to model the love of Christ for the church in our marriage, rather than the follow the pagan 50/50 deal, the I will give in if you will give in first, sort of commitment of today.

    God bless
     
    #2 Van, Aug 8, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 8, 2012
  3. Arbo

    Arbo Active Member
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    Van- :thumbs:

    It's said that communication is the key to a successful marriage. Wrong. It's forgiveness.
     
    #3 Arbo, Aug 8, 2012
  4. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    Well, as a non-married person, my answer may sound crazy, but here it is.

    I would tell her that love - genuine and long-lasting love for a spouse - isn't really what she probably considers love right now. What an unmarried teenage girl who is 15 considers to be love is not what a couple who has been married for 15 years has found love to actually be. And that couple who has been married for 15 years doesn't have the same perspective and experiences with love that the couple who has been married for 40 years does.

    Love is not a stagnant or unchanging thing.

    And it isn't an emotion nor is the foundation of it the giggly-smoochy-wideeyed-flirty thing. The giggly-smoochy-wideeyed-flirty thing that makes your heart go thumpety-thump is DEFINTELY a part - and an important part - of love between a husband and wife. But it isn't the foundation that will keep the marriage afloat for decades.

    The part of love that keeps the marriage afloat for decades is sacrifice and hard work.

    Love - real love - is a verb. It's an action word - evidenced by this story. It's told from the perspective of the wife, but is equally applicable from the perspective of the husband.


    It's when a wife, sleeping peacefully after her husband flirted and danced the night away with her at an anniversary dinner at her favorite restaurant, awakes at night with her husband's hand shaking her shoulder and him saying, "Baby, I don't feel so good...." - and then he pukes all over the bed. ALL OVER the bed.

    Because she loves him, her first reaction is not one of despising him or thinking, "You're so gross - get away from me!!" Sure, she's a little aggrevated, but her primary thought is to get him to bathroom before it happens again and to discern if this is just a bug or something serious. She's a little worried. And, she knows that she's got to get the sheets into the washing machine before everything soaks through into the mattress. She flies to washroom and back, making a quick stop in the kitchen to grab some anti-nausea meds because her first thought - out of love - is to tend to him. It's her joy to tend to him - NOT her joy that he is sick - but her love for him all the while he puking into the toilet and she is cleaning up puke that trailed from the bed to the bathroom is just the exact same love she had for him when he pulled that diamond necklace out of his pocket at the restaurant and looked at her the whole evening like he did the night he proposed to her.

    Tell your young friend - with gentleness - that her concept of love is quite limited at this time. Hers is probably a very simplistic and selfish view of love that would NOT sustain a couple over a long period of time.

    Tell her the reason you see older couples who are still holding hands and still smooching after 50+ years is because they have sacrificed their individual self-centeredness and worked harder than she could ever imagine at protecting each other through the terrible times. They still look at each other with deep affection and reach for each other's hand NOW because when they do so, they are reaching out for the person who has sacrificed themselves for their spouse's sake.

    The affection that they can display to one another that can see passed the wrinkles, the loss of hair, the gaining of weight, and the losing of the teeth is based on an appreciation of what they have meant to each other in hard times.
     
    #4 Scarlett O., Aug 8, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2012
  5. HeirofSalvation

    HeirofSalvation Well-Known Member
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    Absolutely correct....:thumbsup::wavey:The 50/50 is the most failed idea carnal man can engender for himself...It has never worked, and never will.

    That being said...An interesting point is that wives are never commanded to "love" their husbands. Their command is to reverence and submit. Men are required to "love". "Love" or (To Love) is more an action verb...than a noun. It doesn't describe an emotional state of affairs...it's an actionable command. Men are to "Love" (action verb) their wives...and they are to do so in the same manner as Christ "loved" the Church. He DID so...by "giving" (action verb) himself for "her".

    A man who truly "loves" his wife as he ought...will find that she is hard-wired to love him. She need not be commanded to...she will. We need only to obey the Scriptures.
     
    #5 HeirofSalvation, Aug 8, 2012
  6. Cypress

    Cypress New Member

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    I like that. As for advice, I would tell her that if she has any jealousy about a future husband then she is also due for trouble. This is the most dangerous flaw in a couples love that I have recognized. FWIW, been happily married to the same woman for 26 years and we are going through some of the toughest times in our life right now, and our love is a blessing from God beyond belief. As for if she should marry, if she has doubts about her commitment, then no. But there is no way to tell if it will last for a lifetime for both parties. You can only commit to love totally. Not to be loved totally. It is a risk with a wide range of rewards or pitfalls.
     
    #6 Cypress, Aug 8, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 8, 2012
  7. AresMan

    AresMan Active Member
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    The whole understanding of love must be that it is not based entirely on present feelings and emotions. Love is a commitment that is not always easy.

    If we understand love from God's perspective it would blow our mind. God loves us not because we have merit in ourselves that give Him a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. While we were yet sinners Christ died for us. Even while we were enemies God reconciled us to Himself. God doesn't love us because we are "lovable." He loves us precisely because we are NOT "lovable."

    If we can grasp even a smidgen of the depth of the love of God, we should be able to love our spouse indefinitely.
     
    #7 AresMan, Aug 8, 2012
  8. Cypress

    Cypress New Member

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    Well said,sir:thumbsup::love2:
     
    #8 Cypress, Aug 8, 2012
  9. HeirofSalvation

    HeirofSalvation Well-Known Member
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    .

    :thumbsup::thumbsup::wavey:

    My wife and I chose some classic Anglican vows to be incorporated in our wedding during the ring ceremony....We LOVED the Theology in it...

    "With this Ring, I thee wed...With my body I thee worship...And all my worldly goods, I thee endow."

    Even from an Anglican (predicated upon permissive divorce) perspective..... A man and his wife were to become "One flesh" and no man ever "hated" his own flesh. Divorce, is akin to splitting a body in half. It is a vivisection of the cruelest nature.
     
    #9 HeirofSalvation, Aug 8, 2012
  10. Mexdeaf

    Mexdeaf New Member

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    My favorite definition of love and marriage-

    "I want what you want more than I want what I want."
     
    #10 Mexdeaf, Aug 8, 2012
  11. Aaron

    Aaron Member
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    My answer was that one doesn't marry because he or she loves another. One marries for greater purposes, children being one non-optional purpose, the good of society another. (Civil law has its roots in the institution of marriage.)

    Though I certainly wouldn't advise that one marry another for whom she has no affection, affection is not the reason one chooses to marry.
     
    #11 Aaron, Aug 8, 2012
  12. freeatlast

    freeatlast New Member

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    The believer should only marry if they do not have the gift of singleness and the marriage should be to glorify the Lord. As to love continuing They cannot know what tomorrow holds, but if they stay strong in the Lord the marriage will survive and what started out as love will turn into something greater.
     
    #12 freeatlast, Aug 8, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 8, 2012
  13. Jon-Marc

    Jon-Marc New Member

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    There are no guarantees with marriage. Promises made are too often soon broken and trampled. My second wife said to me at our wedding, "I will spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you." Two weeks later she started sleeping on the sofa and criticized everything I said and did. We were together for 8 months and 12 days when she left and moved in with her son from a previous marriage. After two failed marriages, I have learned that I should have stayed single and will now.
     
    #13 Jon-Marc, Aug 8, 2012
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