Handling roudy kids in church

I guess its better than handling snakes.

 

Unlike the above post, I will try to give a serious answer. We would go to the parents, the ones responsible for the kids behavior, and let them know in a nice way to do what is necesarry to make their kids behave. That will usually solve the problem.

Our church has a unique problem in this area. We have a Wednesday night ministry of picking up kids with disfunctional parents (either in jail, on drugs, alcohol, or the parents have rotating partners). The women that run this ministry are amazing, as they give these kids the only stability, love, and spiritual guidance they get all week. We have reached out to the parents with limited success. We have had some behavior problems. Usually, they respond to verbal correction. A couple of times, we have had to take kid home, but when they return, and they always do, they know we mean business, and straighten up.

The key to kids that will not behave with parents at church is the parents. They have to be held accountable. A sanctuary is not a playground.

 

I have a mean, low growl. I give 'em the evil eye and growl tell them to get back to their parents and it scares them silent nearly every time. It also works on the rowdy parents.

 

I just quit going on Sunday nights pretty much. And I go to a closer church on Wednesdays because they have Awanas for the kids. I just got tired of fighting with an 8 year old, 4 year old and an 11 year old with a form of mild autism. T

 

We have a bus ministry and lots of kids, many from housing projects. They are good kids, but kids will be kids and sometimes they start to get loud and jump around. Our Pastor will sternly tell them to sit down and be quiet, or tell them to quit playing with the hymn books or writing on the offering envelopes. He is very stern and it almost always works immediately. On occasion a kid will act up again, and he will separate that child, or ask a teenager or adult to sit with the kids.

You have to be stern and consistent. You have to nip it in the bud. We really don't have problems, any child that has been there two or three times knows he cannot act up. All in all they behave very well and we rarely have problems.

Now, even if these kids are with their parents, our Pastor will still yell at them. Then the parents respond and keep the kids quiet. We have never had any parents leave or complain because of this.

When I say "yell", he doesn't really yell, but he definitely raises his voice and gets their attention.

The men pitch in, I have told kids to sit down and be quiet too.

 

I go to the Dollar Store and buy these really big blow pops. Can get them four for a dollar. I pass them out right before the pastor starts to preach and they last the entire sermon..They will usually keep the kids quiet.

But also address the parents and remind them that they are in the Lord's house, not their own.

 

In the case of bus ministries I have found that most of those kids benefit from, and really appreciate, the boundaries we place on them. In some cases we have had the senior pastor visit the parents to explain the situation and what discipline was enacted. We want these young people to be who God has called them to be. We do not want to give the parents another reason to abuse or abandon these kids. This can be a difficult balancing act and someone with right temperament is necessary to accomplish this.

In the case where parents are in the church there comes a time when we quit playing around and make the parents be actively involved in the situation.

 

One time, mom and dad took my niece, their granddaughter, to church with them. She was around 4-5, maybe younger. When they had prayer, mom could hear her running around the church. After prayer ended, mom took her to foyer, away from everyone, and "talked" with her, hand to butt. Needless to say, my niece understood EVERY word plainly. That's how you handle rowdy children.

 

I am in favor of spanking kids, but only when absolutely necessary. A lack of real discipline is the main reason our country is in a mess.

That said, proceed with caution.

You spank a non-family member kid and you'll likely end up with a lawsuit in many cases.
In the case of bus kids you are probably dealing with kids used to abuse and while you might not get sued you'll just be another grownup knocking the kid around.

 

Y'all will just have to lock me up because if your child is acting the fool and you're not doing anything, somebody has to. That's why they don't stop.

I'll tell em from the pulpit, if you can't control them or get somebody to help who can, I'll come on out there to lend you a HAND. :laugh:

 

I have had some parents drop their kids off in class and tell me, with the kid right there, that I have permission to spank or do anything else I deem necessary.

 

I've had parents say that to me too about their teenagers. :laugh: Even had one kid hop out his seat one Sunday morning and approach me like he was gonna fight me. :laugh: I had to pick that child up slam him on the floor and quickly a chair leg went up his behind.

Granted all was well with him after that day and he ended up being one of my best students. I still keep in touch with him.:laugh:

 

While I believe in spanking, when warranted, I would NEVER (can not emphasize that NEVER enough) spank another person's child. (my own grandchildren are not included in that...I have spanked them when needed....and usually only once per grandchild, they figured out after that that grandma meant what she said!)

Children need structure and need discipline. Spanking is punishment, not discipline. Children need to know where the boundaries lie and that there are consequences when the boundaries are crossed. YES, they will push those boundaries, just to see if you're good to your word! If children do not receive the instruction they need in their home then it's up to us, as SS teachers, pastors, Children's Church leaders, AWANA workers, etc., to guide the children in what is acceptable behavior in church.

Instead of sitting idly by and tsking our tongues, shaking our heads, and running off from church because of unruly children we should ask then to come sit with us and then be prepared to offer them distraction to help them sit still, whether it be in the form of a piece of paper and pencil for drawing, or that previously mentioned sucker. We keep a "church bag" in the trunk of our car for just such days. It's filled with small toys (like matchbox cars, finger puppets), crayons and books, picture books, small finger snacks....things to help keep little fingers and minds quiet so they TOO can hear God's Word.

When they sit with us we encourage them to participate, and give them a Bible to hold, a hymnal....children want to be a part, not a nuisance, but if we don't include them then they'll revert to their childish ways and make noise and be in motion...that's what kids do! They must be taught!

Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." It's the job of parents to train the child...sometimes though they need our help, support, encouragement and NOT our grumbling and complaining and certainly NEVER be made to felt like they are horrible parents because their little three year old can't sit still and be quiet for 45 minutes!

I have the fondest of memories from when I was a child. His name was Jesse Darnell and when I was a little girl I can remember going into church on Sunday mornings and I'd climb into his lap and I can remember how good he smelled, how he smiled and how he always had a piece of gum in his pocket for a good little girl. I knew if I behaved he'd have a piece of gum for me. He never failed. He's gone to glory now but I have always remembered that sweet lesson...that children want love from adults, they want approval and acceptance....and gum helps!

 

Very true DiamondLady. i keep extra notepads and pens in my bag and the kids love it when you give them something to hold their attention.

 

I grew up in an old Swedish Lutheran Church. There was no such thing as children's church, but on the back of the weekly bulletin were puzzles or something to color if you brought crayons. Kept us quiet and busy. Also kept the kids quiet during communion (those who were confirmed took it at the front of the church).