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I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris

Discussion in 'Books & Publications Forum' started by dyanmarie25, Oct 10, 2015.

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  1. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Member

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    Has anyone of you already read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris? One of my friends in college recommended this book to me. I was sort of curious as to why it was titled like that so I decided to read the book, and wow, it's really awesome. It somehow gave me a new perspective about dating and relationships. Here is one of my favorite quotes from the book:

    “The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, “This is love.” God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, “This is love.” ― Joshua Harris
     
    #1 dyanmarie25, Oct 10, 2015
  2. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    The problem with that quote from a then-21-year-old Josh Harris is that the romantic love between a man and a woman is not the same love as God sending his Son to die on the cross. He is comparing apples and oranges.

    Back in the day (late '70's/early '80's) we dated sometimes casually in college. It was innocent and sometimes lead to serious unions of marriage and sometimes did not. Going out with someone to the movies or the ball game or dinner or a dance doesn't have to mean you are going to marry them and it doesn't mean that you are immoral for doing so.

    I know that I'll get a lot of flack for that. Some casual dating IS immoral if you are dating for sex.

    But the "problem" isn't singleness and the "cure" isn't marriage. Josh Harris' insistence that any date you have should be for the purpose of marrying that person isn't reasonable. It's true, dating shouldn't be without personal integrity and an understanding of the moral nature God teaches.

    But that kind of dating isn't wrong.

    We've got to stop teaching our young people that they can't hold hands with or be alone with someone or even kiss someone until they marry. We've got to stop telling them that "every date is a potential mate". No, it isn't. We've got to stop telling them that they can't date (with accountability) because "God has reserved that special someone that he created just for them and just for marriage."

    If God created that "special someone" for each of us, then Paul is lying when he says that there is a gift of singleness.

    We are so busy preaching and teaching "Don't have sex until you are married!!" that there are some Christian circles who won't allow for dating or even being alone with the person you are engaged to. Not all dating is about sex.

    And we are so busy "protecting" our young people from the "dangers" of the the opposite sex that we don't teach them anything at all about the beauty of marriage and they enter into marriage clueless about the person that have married and completely unarmed as to how to fight the enemy when he attacks their marriage.

    I know that I'm in the minority here, but those are my observations.
     
    #2 Scarlett O., Oct 10, 2015
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  3. InTheLight

    InTheLight Well-Known Member
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    Another sensible post Scarlett O.
    I totally agree with you.

    Some Baptists have this strange zero tolerance for teens or college aged kids of the opposite sex simply socializing together. When kids are brought up to view any date as a potential spousal job interview, any date should never be two people alone, and any date shall have no physical contact, it results in some mighty confused feelings.

    Sent from my Motorola Droid Turbo using Tapatalk.
     
    #3 InTheLight, Oct 10, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2015
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  4. blessedwife318

    blessedwife318 Well-Known Member
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    I read it when I was in high school, about the time it first came out, and there are something that I think he got right, but there are other things I think that have gotten blown way out of proportion. Now I have no problem with the idea not dating (maybe a better term would be going steady) someone you wouldn't marry, but I also don't think going on one date = dating someone. I think the church culture in the US has done a great disservice to young singles by making every date = leading to marriage. This has lead to a whole generation of guys who won't ask a girl for coffee, because they don't know if she is wife material, and a whole generations of girls viewing coffee as a precursor to engagement. I took some ideas form this book but chucked a whole bunch as I got older. I went on many one time dates with guys before I met my husband. It was on those dates I learned a lot about what I should be looking for and what I should be avoiding. And then interestingly enough I knew when I went on my first date with my husband, that he could be the one.
    Now I didn't say he is was the one, because I think that is a horrible idea in it of itself. The one you marry is the one for you, and you know they are the one because you married them. I knew my now husband could be the one, because I could see marrying him.
    I do not think that I gave my heart away on all those coffee dates I went on before him, I just view those as meeting a lot of different people and learning what I needed in a guy.
     
    #4 blessedwife318, Oct 10, 2015
  5. InTheLight

    InTheLight Well-Known Member
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    Yes, this is called NORMAL dating activity. You meet a bunch of people of the opposite sex and date some of them to test out their personalities, beliefs, and mannerisms. Learn how to go on a date, learn what to look for, etc. It might take more than one date, it just depends. After some practice it probably doesn't take more than one date, though. I remember going on a blind date back in 1992 and we were talking about politics when she says, "I'm voting for Bill Clinton, but I'm really voting for Hillary, because she said if you vote for Bill it's a vote for me, it's a two-for-one deal." For me, that was definitely a one date sequence!

    I didn't get married until I was in my 30's. When I went on first dates I had a little test I had going on in the back of my head--"could I look at this woman across the breakfast table for the next 50 years?"

    EXACTLY.
     
    #5 InTheLight, Oct 10, 2015
  6. blessedwife318

    blessedwife318 Well-Known Member
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    Yeah it only took one date for me to decide whether this was someone I could see any kind of future with. Now I think the biggest disservice that I kissed Dating Goodbye has done to the Christian dating culture is now we have people that pseudo-date because they refuse to go one a date with someone unless they know they want to marry them. So you get stuck in these pseudo-relationships because the guy won't step up and decide if he wants to pursue a relationship with the girl.I guess its the equivalent of the friendzone for girls.
     
    #6 blessedwife318, Oct 10, 2015
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