Moving in with the Girlfriend.

Now there's a thought!

Ed

 

The chances of your relationship lasting very long unless you are married first instead cohabiting are almost zero.

If you do not lover her enough to marry her then you do not love her enough.

 

A little over 32 years. I was married August 77.

 

The best advice came from your girl friend's parents. They may have reacted wrong, but what they told you was exactly right. I have seen lots of people tell you to get married, which is what you should do, but as one person said, you better do it because you love her, and will love her the rest of your life.

You need to talk to a pastor before getting married. You need to ask yourself and her, are you both Christians? Do we agree on money, raising kids, in-laws, and things in general? Not only do we love each other, do we like each other? Are we getting married because of a deep, abiding love for each other? The physical attraction fades both emotionally and in appearance over time. There must be that deep seated love between you two to sustain the marriage.

Take heed of the poster that told you, if you are a Christian, and move in together, then you will resent each other over time because you know you are doing wrong. There is no way to enjoy each other that way. If you move in together, and it does not bother either of you, then one or both better examine themselves.

Before you get married, realize that there will be times there will be differences, and that marriage is for life. This is not one of those "I did not get my way, so I am taking my toys and going home" situations. There has to be a forever commitment. Think and pray before you act on any of this.

 

Concening the cutting off of her insurance, etc. ... remember when you want to start playing adult games your have to be willing to assume adult responsibilities.

 

Is this for real? I mean even MP can see the fallacy here.

I also don't buy the characterization of the girl's parents' reaction. I know a man whose daughter is dating an agnostic. His rational, calm and eminently truthful warning to her was that she was courting the Devil. Guess what she's saying? "He called my boyfriend Satan! Oh boo hoo hoo!"

I'm sure their reaction was something on the order of that of the man I know. A warning that the situation was one of whoredom, which is a rational, and eminently truthful warning.

 

f1y, let me direct you to Paul's letter to the congregation at Rome, chapter 1, verses 28-32.

Paul lists a number of sins in that passage, including fornication and covenant breakers.

Here's what he says in v.32 "...Who, knowing the judgment of God. that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them."

Now do you understand why her parents got bent out of shape?

 

Hello, Fly.

The first question that comes to mind is, why would you disrespect your girlfriend by treating her like an unpaid harlot? Only married people live together. Unmarried people shack up. If you and your girldfiend want to live together, no problem. Go to you local courthouse, and get married. You can do that today.

As for her parents, why would they not be upset? You bounced the idea off them that you wanted to disrespect their daughter by having unmarried sex with her in a living situation that does not include the benefit of marriage.

They threatened to drop both her insurance cell phone? Why wouldn't they? Id you want to play adult, why shouldn't she pay for her own insurance and cell phone?

In regards to you concern for lack of comitment, the lack of commitment is yours, if you actually want to shack up without being married.

If your concern is that she shouldn't be married until she is finished with her bachelor's degree, I agree. Neither shoudl she be living with someone until she's married. So, the best thing for her to do is to not live with you until she's done with school. Then, she can marry you, and you can live together.

 

Fly, I've been in your exact situation and lived with my wife before we got married. It was my parents that flew off the handle. I would like to talk to you about this privately. If you would like to do this, send me a p.m.

 

I think a statement of whether or not you think it was the right thing to do is in order.

 

I have been married for almost four months now. I was not married until I was 29. Until then, I have never had intimate relations with a woman. My wife is my first girlfriend. I was her very first boyfriend. For the two years that we dated and up until we were married, we never once kissed, hugged, or touched in any deliberately intimate way. We were unchaperoned for most of what we did together, yet we never once even attempted to do anything that would lead to problems. We were friends all the way.

Both of us reserved our very first kiss ever for our wedding. It was an incredibly joyous occasion. By keeping ourselves pure and only for each other completely, we grow deeper in love every day. I thank God for the grace that He has given both of us in our life's journey, in keeping both of us pure, and bringing us together. :love2:

I know that many cannot claim the same testimony, but if anyone here is in a less than ideal situation, you can resolve to keep yourself pure from this moment forward.

Fly, I simply would recommend that, if you have been in intimate relations with your girlfriend, that you simply resolve from this moment forward to remain pure. If you truly love your girlfriend, you will want to treat her as someone special: someone who deserves a loving commitment that is more than just superfluous surface-level fleshly desires. You will not live together (or have any intimate physical activity otherwise) until you are married. She will respect you more. Her parents will respect you more. You will both love each other more.

If you do not love her enough to commit to a life of marriage, then you do not love her enough. You do not have enough love for her but to rob her heart and injure her emotions down the road.

If you do not wish to marry her, by all means, do not. This would also mean that you should totally break off the relationship and get counsel from her parents and a pastor on what to do next. Either way, you will have much more respect from them than simply wanting the one-sided benefits of marriage without the commitment and responsibility.

I hope that what I have said makes sense and is both a challenge and an encouragement. Take care.

 

Ditto, get married.

 

No, no, no, no, no.

For all of the above reasons.

 

Yeah getting married isn't the answer here.

In the OP a deep reservation exists about the long term nature of the relationship. I've seen couples get cajouled into marriage by well intentioned Christians before...they end being a statistic.

The bigger issue here is the widespread belief that premarital relations are acceptable and will not hinder a relationship. Notice how it wasn't raised in the OP. This is indicative of the culture at hand. I can't tell you how many couples I know who are, or have been. actively engaged in this behavior before marriage. If you want a demonstration of how Christianity has lost a battle in the "culture war" this is the plain sight evidence.

 

I believe you have just answered your own 'question' here, IMO.

Anything else is merely seeking approval of something to which you already know the answer.

Incidentally, we have been married for 10 yrs, 4 1/2 mos. My own multiple health issues [which initially brought me into contact with the Baptist Board, (and I have recently been diagnosed with terminal and inoperable cancer)] make it seem highly unlikely that my bride :love2: and I will make 11 years.

Ed

 

Ed, I don't know what to say. You and your family are in my prayers.