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What do you call a date?

Discussion in 'Youth Forum' started by cality, Apr 22, 2002.

  1. Brother Adam

    Brother Adam New Member

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    Teresa,

    I am throughly impressed! That was a great post, and a far better job than I could do of explaining the differences. [​IMG]

    UNP
    Adam
     
  2. redwhitenblue

    redwhitenblue New Member

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    Adam, I tend to disagree with you there. I believe that no matter what type of dating is being done, those urges will arise, yes you can avoid them and stop the activity which causes them but I do believe they still come up. I don't disagree with courtship, I believe if God has placed it on your heart to go that way then you need to do so. ;)

    karen
     
  3. Brother Adam

    Brother Adam New Member

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    That's okay. It's your right to disagree with me. Read Teresa's post. It's an excellent comparision and shows some of the dangers of dating.

    UNP
    Adam
     
  4. Joy

    Joy New Member

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    While Adam and Teresa are seeking to do right, and they have adopted a few aspects of "courtship," I have to disagree and still call what they are doing dating, because it is still based on "getting to know one another to find out if they are compatible." Let it be clear that I am not critisizing them for their way of doing things, however, I just wanted to share some things about courtship, because it is very different from what they have defined it as being.

    When true courtship is being followed, the lady and the gentlemen are introduced and enter into a pre-engagement, covenant. This is greatly supervised by parents, and is not to be taken lightly or to be broken. It is not a trial relationship, by rather a period of time for the two to get to know one another informally before they enter into a formal engagement.

    Some go as far as to choose their children's mate and time for courtship, while others allow for their children's wishes and timing. (I prefer the later myself!)

    If you are a parent that would choose for your child, it is pretty close to arranged marriage.

    If you allow your children to have some say in it, this is how it would commence:

    John either knows Sue from childhood, (usually family friends,) or meets or finds out about her in church or at a family function of sorts. He goes to his father and asks for approval to begin courting her. If his father approves, then John goes to Sue's father and asks his permission as well. Sue's father asks Sue if she agrees to this, ( and this is key if you are not arranging marriage for them-) she may say yes or no at this point- she has "veto" power. If she agrees, then the couple enters into courtship with the intent of becoming engaged within 6 months or less. When the actual engagement takes place, a ring is given and a date is set for 6 months or less. Long engagements and courtship periods are not a part of the courtship process.

    In addition, all time is spent in the families homes and chaperoned, so while temptation and thought may still be their, they may not be acted upon. There is no physical contact of any kind until after they are pronounced husband and wife.

    For a more indepth look at courtship vs. dating, see this site.

    http://polynate.net/books/courtship/
     
  5. Joy

    Joy New Member

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    Oh, one more key bit of information- courtship is not allowed by parents until all education or apprenticeship is complete. Since many families that practice this do not believe in the wife working outside of her home, the gentlemen must have a job already that is able to support them. In addition, he already has a home for them to live in. You do not begin courtship until you are ready to marry that person.

    Obviously, true courtship is very "old-fashioned." ;)
     
  6. redwhitenblue

    redwhitenblue New Member

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    Joy..whew lol all I can say is thank goodness for dating. There is absolutely no way I would ever go with courtship. I would be the rebellious teenager leaving home first :eek: :D

    karen
     
  7. Rev. Joshua

    Rev. Joshua <img src=/cjv.jpg>

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    Well, it's not that old fashioned since the wishes of the young woman are taken into account.

    Joshua
     
  8. cality

    cality New Member

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    but actually, I still don't understand how do you do, if you just want to be friend with a biy, without dating. Is it impossible?
     
  9. cality

    cality New Member

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    Joy, thanks a lot for your explanation also. This kind of courthip is very strange to me. Well, again, it must be typical american [​IMG] In france, there are not so much "protocole" (does the word exist in english?) Everyone does like he thinks, everyone does his best, there are no rules. But it is very interesting to see how it works in the USA.
     
  10. Joy

    Joy New Member

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    To answer your question, the answer is no. Casual friendship with members of the opposite sex is not encouraged if the family has chosen courtship for their children. Families spend time with one another, and they are certainly allowed to be friendly, but not to the exclusion of anyone else. Boys and girls are never allowed to be alone where petty relationships may have the opportunity to be fostered or acted upon.

    After years of family picnics, dinners, church, and other activities with friends, many of these young people who do begin the courtship process do already know one another. It is not usually done between complete strangers. There may already be a fondness or an attraction between the two young people, but love notes were not exchanged, they don't speak on the telephone exclusively to one another, and no time was spent in a trial relationship other than as family friends. No relationship is fostered or encouraged no matter how "casual," until they embark on courtship.
     
  11. Brother Adam

    Brother Adam New Member

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    Joy,

    Thank you for your explaination of traditional courtship. Yes, Teresa and I are courting, it is not the traditional courting you are describing however.

    Our families are still involved, I still had to get permission to court her. The main difference is, we will not be married in 6 months.

    Another very important aspect of calling modern courting "courting" is it's witness to the world. By saying "I'm dating so and so" most people we talk to automatically assume we live together, have sex, and worse. In other words, their stereotype of dating. By saying "we are courting", which we are, most have to ask what that means, and we get to share our relationship with Christ, and what else is involved in being in a godly relationship. [​IMG]

    The neat thing about this "modern courting" cality, is you can be in a godly relationship without being ultra-conservative.

    UNP
    Adam
     
  12. Gina B

    Gina B Active Member

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    I never even heard that word growing up except in books, lol.
    We "went out" with people, and then "dated" if we liked them, and then got "engaged" if we were going to marry them.
    The terminology I keep hearing now is confusing, lol.
    da Gina
     
  13. Brother Adam

    Brother Adam New Member

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    I agree Gina,
    The terminology is changing, and I think that is where me and Joy are clashing in our definitions.

    UNP
    Adam
     
  14. cality

    cality New Member

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    Hi flyfree. I completly agree what you just said. We must be carefull in the word we choose, because we want to have a testimony as christian. Somehow, in choosing the word "court", you show that you want to be serious in your relationship to teresa.
    God bless you.
     
  15. AdoptedDaughter

    AdoptedDaughter New Member

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    Cality, the majority of my friends are guys. Adam and I have had no problems with that neither has my family. The girls, around where I grew up, were always into clothes and guys and makeup, everything that I wasn't. I was into sports and music, and the only people that shared that passion with me were guys.

    I have a definition of a friend that I have applied to my life; it is as follows:

    1.acquaitance is a casual relationship with no special obligations

    2.friend is a person who has grown in an acquaitanve relationship with you and have become close to you. A friend is where special obligations begin to occur. For example, you will uphold their honor when they are not around.

    3.a "best" friend is someone who you have a unique bond with. The bond makes it feel as if they are a part of your family.

    It is very possible to be "just friends" with a person of the opposite sex, just as long as both parties know what the boundaries are. If you just want to be friends, then the guy must know that you just want to be friends. In America, if a guy wants to be more than friends, he will often make it very clear by his actions and words.

    Cality, two of my best friends are guys. Adam is one and Chris is another. I have never been placed in any situation where petty relationships would or could be formed. We have gone to concerts together, gotten ice-cream by oursleves, and even just went for a ride with absolutely no destination in mind. Chris and I know that God has placed Adam into my life with a courting relationship (which he and I were friends for over a year when we started courting) and God has placed someone special in His life.

    As long as your guy friend is a strong Christian and you are a strong Christian, the relationship will grow. Honesty and communication are vital so that no signals can be misinterpretated.

    If you would like any further expalanation, or if you have any questions, go ahead and PM me. it will be much easier for me to expalain.

    In Christ's gracious love,
    Teresa
     
  16. Brother Adam

    Brother Adam New Member

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    "Honesty and communication are vital so that no signals can be misinterpretated."

    How'd she go off and get so smart? I really don't have anything to say. I just wanted to see that in print again.

    UNP
    Adam
     
  17. AdoptedDaughter

    AdoptedDaughter New Member

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    Thank you very much... I think that I will take that as a compliment ;)

    I learned from the best!

    In Christ's gracious love,
    Teresa
     
  18. cality

    cality New Member

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    thanks a lot baptistforever!! You're so patient!!! Thanks for your explanations
     
  19. AdoptedDaughter

    AdoptedDaughter New Member

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    Any time, Cality. I'm here and will answer all questions to the best of my abilities. Hope my explanations helped you out some.

    Feel free to PM me any time you want. I'm an open door and am here to be of use.

    In Christ's gracious love,
    Teresa
     
  20. cality

    cality New Member

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    PM means e mail?
     
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