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Single pastors dating

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Salty, Mar 21, 2019.

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  1. Salty

    Salty 20,000 Posts Club
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    If a single pastor decides to date- should he date someone within his congregation,
    or would it be better to date someone from another church.

    If the pastor is a widower or divorced should he date a never-married female

    If she were not a Baptist - would you see that as a big problem?



    NOTE: This is NOT a discussion IF a single pastor should or should not be a pastor.
    If you want to go in that direction - PLEASE start your own thread.

    (and no - this is not about me! -as I am happily married)
     
    #1 Salty, Mar 21, 2019
  2. Reformed1689

    Reformed1689 Well-Known Member

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    It might be wise, though not necessarily required, for them to date someone outside of their local congregation. If they date within there needs to be some sort of additional accountability setup than what is already standard for that church I would think.

    Not being baptist, meaning from a baptist church, is not necessarily an issue. What do they believe individually? I go to a UMC church but our church is much closer to baptist than UMC. Labels can be deceiving.
     
    #2 Reformed1689, Mar 21, 2019
  3. Deacon

    Deacon Well-Known Member
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    Let wisdom prevail, let the pastor make the decision and don’t stick your nose into a place it doesn’t belong.

    Rob
     
    #3 Deacon, Mar 21, 2019
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  4. Reynolds

    Reynolds Well-Known Member
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    In theory, I have no problem with a pastor dating a member of his congregation. In practicality, I have seen it cause problems on multiple occasion.
     
    #4 Reynolds, Mar 21, 2019
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  5. Jerome

    Jerome Well-Known Member
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    guidance from Leviticus chapter 21 ESV:

    priests
    v. 7 They shall not marry a prostitute or a woman who has been defiled, neither shall they marry a woman divorced from her husband, for the priest is holy to his God.

    chief priest
    vv. 13-15 he shall take a wife in her virginity. A widow, or a divorced woman, or a woman who has been defiled, or a prostitute, these he shall not marry. But he shall take as his wife a virgin of his own people, that he may not profane his offspring among his people
     
    #5 Jerome, Mar 21, 2019
  6. Reynolds

    Reynolds Well-Known Member
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    The pastor is the Chief Priest? I don't think so...
     
    #6 Reynolds, Mar 21, 2019
  7. Tom Bryant

    Tom Bryant Well-Known Member

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    For the 1st 15 years of my ministry, 10 as an associate pastor and 5 as a pastor, I was single. Aside from people trying to set me up with someone (it was usually someone who was 15 years younger or older), it was not a problem.
    But then I started dating, very quietly, a lady in the church. We dated for a year by going to out of town restaurants or activities. No one knew about it.
    Then we were seen in the car alone together and you would have thought that I had denied the deity of Christ. The same people who had tried to set me up were aghast that I would be dating.
    Within 6 months, I was thankfully called to another church.
    My lesson from that is that church people may want you to date in theory, but not in reality.
     
    #7 Tom Bryant, Mar 22, 2019
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  8. labaptist

    labaptist Member
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    I'd be interested in some advice on this. I am 41 and divorced and am pastoring my first church. I would like to get remarried and based on Deut 24 don't believe I could remarry my ex (she's remarried and divorced from her 2nd husband). Other than the obvious of no sex before marriage, what type of dating rules should a single pastor have to avoid any controversy.
     
    #8 labaptist, Mar 28, 2019
  9. Salty

    Salty 20,000 Posts Club
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    First - Deut 24 would be OT law - thus not applicably under NT Grace.
    As far as being Divorced - the NT states "the Husband of one wife"
    Scripture does NOT state divorce - thus it is polygamy that is not permitted.

    Granted, if a man just got divoced last week - then he should postponed his ordination
    which was scheduled for the following week.

    As far as your ex - she has failed at two marriages - it may be a good ideal to stay clear.

    AS far as dating - some have advised that seeing someone from your congregation may not be a great ideal. If you initially met someone from your church - it may not be a bad ideal for them to worship elsewhere, until you are married (or at least a few weeks from your wedding.) It is best to avoid potential situations. Also, I would be careful in where you would go for a date . Never use the church (yours or hers) to meet -(unless others are there), or your homes. You want to make sure you are totally above reproach

    Side note - I requested that this thread free from discussion of the doctrine of a divorced pastor.
    I have started a new thread for those who wish to discuss that side of the issue.
    Click here for that new thread
     
    #9 Salty, Mar 28, 2019
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