mental health support thread

I figured a thread for those who suffer from mental illness would be a nice idea.

What I'd rather not see--non-mentally ill people coming in in order to tell us that we just need more faith or that our illnesses are a moral failing on our behalf. I'd like this to be for building people up, not tearing them down. Even if you are or used to be mentally ill (not all mental illnesses are lifelong), please do not pull the thread in that direction either.

I'll introduce myself, my name is Collie and I have battled severe depression and suicidal ideation in the past. I'm also diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and pure O OCD, though.....those two are pretty well under control right now, especially the social anxiety. (I work with customer service, so that actually has helped me believe it or not.) The OCD kinda comes and goes. Right now I'm in a happy place in my life, and I thank God for that.

 

I've definitely avoided specific categories of jobs due to my anxiety. I still don't think I want to work fast food or restaurants--people are VERY picky and touchy about their food.
Most people at the grocery store I work at, though, are nice--usually the worst that happens is customers kinda irritate me by bringing huge carts into the express lane. And those who aren't nice typically aren't as bad as I thought they would be--so far I've only seen one customer yelling and making a scene, and they weren't yelling at me.

 

So sometimes at work I feel anxious and I can't figure out what's triggering it. It's like my body is saying "something's coming, be ready!", with no clue as to what's coming. This only happens at work. It's not enough to affect my ability to do my job, but on Sunday I did excuse myself to the restroom to see if I could calm down. As soon as I got in the restroom all the tension left--and returned when I got back to my register. So I guess it's job related, but it's still odd that there's no specific trigger.

Sent from my SM-J737T1 using Tapatalk

 

I recently downloaded an app called Moodpath. It asks you questions about 3 times a day and keeps track of your mood, then gives you an analysis after two weeks. Honestly, it's almost more thorough than my actual mental health professionals.
While I don't consider myself as suffering from depression, at least not as an ongoing illness, the app is telling me that I may be experiencing a minor depressive episode. Which makes sense I guess, considering recent things that happened. I also notice that I get depressive for a bit after my anxiety flairs up, so I guess that's what's going on.

Some of the "recent stuff" that has happened was that I was recently kicked off staff on a forum where I served for 8 years. I won't get into it very deeply, but as I had considered the other staff members and admins to be friends, it was a big blow to my mental state. That, among some other stuff--mostly my anxiety flairing up and making me overreact to stuff that wasn't all that bad in actuality. But anxiety makes you see the worst case scenario, so.
Well, the past month has been rough.

 

Have been dealing with a lot of anxiety and some depressive moods lately.

 

Work anxiety is a thing again. Which is puzzling to me, cuz I like my job and have very few problems with it. But I was definitely getting anxiety while at work, and it disappeared when I left work. Mainly physical symptoms, like my chest muscles contracting painfully. Mentally, I had a general feeling of unease, but most of my symptoms were physical.
I tried to practice grounding exercises between customers. That helped a little.

 

Work anxiety was pretty bad tonight. It's been common the past few weeks, but tonight it was especially intense. As anxiety tends to go for me, anyways.

My symptoms today included dizziness, chest pressure, shaky limbs, and just an intense sense of apprehension.

Sent from my SM-J737T1 using Tapatalk

 

So, the weird and vague anxiety I've been getting has been a near daily occurrence lately. Especially at work. My peer specialist suggested I keep a log of whenever I experience anxiety symptoms, when, and what I'm doing when they start.
It really does seem to have no obvious cause or trigger, tbh. But most often it happens either when I'm at work serving customers, or when I'm about to go to work. It's happened a little bit before and during days where I go to peer group, too.....which might suggest that the trigger is some social thing, but idk.....it's different than my social anxiety anxiety tends to feel like.

 

Here's a video I made on what high functioning anxiety can look like

 

I started going to therapy again. I like my new therapist a lot so far--honestly she seems like she'll be a better fit for me than my previous ones were.
I've been dealing with increased anxiety lately. Some of it's at work: I get anxiety at work around once a week or more. Not sure what's causing it. I start feeling anxious for seemingly no reason. I had my first ever anxiety attack a couple months back.

I notice that trying not to overthink or analyze my anxiety, helps it to either keep from escalating, or makes it go away more quickly. So learning to do that has helped.
I also get anxious about other things, lately, and it leads to a lot of negative thoughts and beliefs about myself. These thoughts stick around from anywhere from a few hours to a few days, then when they leave it's like my brain is operating normally again for a while.