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asking father's permission for hand in marriage

Discussion in '2003 Archive' started by lauralynn, Jun 25, 2003.

  1. lauralynn

    lauralynn Guest

    My boyfriend and I are (bibically) divorced. He is baptist (I presby...but learning and appreciating his religion). Scripturally the father has authority over his virgin daughter. My father and I don't have a 'realationship'...a very shallow one (recently I hadn't talked or seen him for 6 yrs--another story). My boyfriend says that makes no difference.....at any rate...I introduced him to my father and he really liked him...invited him back (twice). About a week later I get a phonecall from my stepmom and said my dad wanted to talk to me....I went and he informs me that he is prejudice (my boyfriend is a different nationality). Dad told me to 'do what I want.....just don't bring him back there'. So, our realtionship (which has been the best thing that has happened to either of us--to make a long story short) is on 'hold.' It's quite painful.....we both desire God's will and His will ONLY.

    My question....at 43 yrs of age and the fact that my father gave me away already..and the fact that he likes this man--agrees he can provide and protect me -- but he's prejudice to his nationality...and that I'm no longer his 'virgin daughter'....are we bound to that scripture?

    Also...my mother is a born again Christian (not positive about my Dad--without being judgmental)and she is grieving over the fact that we may not be together (my mom and dad are divorced and have been for 25 yrs). My sisters (one is a christian one is not) are very upset with my dad and his stand on this.

    For several reasons we have no doubt that God has brought us together and has been with us this far (many many wierd circumstances). We both know the works of satan...so we are discerning what it is....Satan tempted Jesus in the desert with scripture,..is that happening here?

    Any imput would help.

    Thanks in advance.....God BLess!
  2. RomOne16

    RomOne16 New Member

    Jun 28, 2002
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    There is no scriptural basis for thinking that those of different races/nationalities should not inter-marry. According to Gods word, believers should marry believers. No specifications as to race/nationality there.

    So, as long as you are both born again believers, and if you have sought counsel from your Pastor, you both should get married and live your lives to the glory of God.

    It sounds as though your problems with your dad go deeper than this issue, and your fiance should probably take that fact into account when considering your dads opinion.

    This sounds like a difficult situation, and I'm sorry you are going through it at a time that should be joyous for you. Look to God to carry you both through it while strengthing your faith.

    God bless,

  3. Sularis

    Sularis New Member

    Sep 4, 2000
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    I thought your father gave his blessing for the marriage as long as you dont bring the guy back to him

    Sounds like it to me

    But then theres whole other issues with yer divorce statement, but simply put if yer dad said do what ya want - but dont bring him around again - thats a blessing - a lousy one - but it counts
  4. Johnv

    Johnv New Member

    Oct 24, 2001
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    When the bride is an adult, there's no requirement to ask for the father's permission. That's typically appropriate when the bride is younger and stall has some dependence on the parents.
  5. Headcoveredlady

    Headcoveredlady New Member

    Apr 24, 2002
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    Do you have a godly Pastor or godly older man with whom you can get cousel from?
  6. dherder

    dherder New Member

    Jun 23, 2003
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    Honoring our fathers and mothers does not mean blindly following their prejudice. At least your father loves you enough to admit his fault. As a 43 year old woman, you've got to take responsibility for your relationship to your father as well as to your boyfriend.

    Pray for wisdom from God and for guidance from the Holy Spirit. Seek the counsel of trusted pastor(s) who know and love you. What your father wants is secondary to God's plan for your life. They are not necessarily the same. As parents, we sometimes meddle in the lives of our offspring and distract them from what God has for them.

  7. Deacon

    Deacon Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Aug 23, 2002
    Likes Received:
    Welcome to the Boards from another Pennsylvanian, Lauralyann!

    There are several flags here:
    1. Christian remarriage after divorce.
    2. Parental authority
    3. Prejudice
    4. Feelings of love
    5. Age of the individuals (biological clock issues)

    If you can get past the first hurdle then there’s the second, which IMO has expired since you have moved out of the house prior to this issue. However it’s always nice to have the blessing of the parents, their are so handy in time of need---and you may be caring for them in the future---so don’t write them off.

    Cross-cultural problems are just another one of the difficulties a couple has to face. If you do decide to become engaged realize that this will be a future problem between the two of you. Prejudice will be encountered; it is present even among the best of Christian communities.

    Your age presents a problem, generally I’d say, “wait” but there are some time issues if children are desired.

    If you go ahead with the engagement you will have to realize that there will be many further difficulties that will be encountered---even more than in a simple situation. A strong commitment to a good church and Pastoral counseling will be a vital ingredient to a lasting marriage---and do this before any commitments are made one way or the other.

  8. lauralynn

    lauralynn Guest

    Thank you all for your responses. You have shed various shades of light into this darkness.

    Unfortunately everyone is not a Christian and the world is full of darkness. God is the beacon and He is Always shining.....it's just foggy somedays....

    1Cor 2:9 "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man. The things which God has prepared for those who love Him."

    SOMEDAY is will always be light!