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Backsliding Family Member

Discussion in '2000-02 Archive' started by jcrowe, Nov 13, 2002.

  1. jcrowe

    jcrowe New Member

    Jan 28, 2002
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    I am not sure if this is the best place to post this or not. I was debating between here & prayer request.

    I have a family member who has started to backside. She was dating a real nice christian man whom I have a lot of respect for. They recently (several months ago) split up. Now she visits the bars about every weekend & had a boyfriend living with her for a while. It really breaks my heart to see her do this.

    I believe that she will listen to me if I talk to her about it, but I am not really sure how to handle things.

    I know that this would probably fall under the counseling area of being a pastor, so I am asking you guys for any advice & for prayer.

  2. Johnv

    Johnv New Member

    Oct 24, 2001
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    If she's got a supporting and loving family, and her roots are firm, she'll no doubt come back around.

    There's hardly a few amonu us who hasn't backslidden at least once, if not more, in our lives, and we always know when it's time to come home.
  3. Jim1999

    Jim1999 <img src =/Jim1999.jpg>

    Aug 10, 2002
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    It is good that you have a caring heart. That will go a long way in counselling.

    What she is doing is not a hidden secret, and she will know better than you. For starters, it is best not to point fingers about her missteps. You might suggest that if she ever needs a shoulder to lean on, you are there. This establishes your one-on-one relationship.

    As she opens up, you can then get into the damages that such a relationship does to her as a person..this is without even getting into the spiritual part.

    Eventually you can ask her directly if she has ever made a decision about the Lord Jesus Christ......the answer will then dictate the next steps.

    Ninety per cent of counselling is listening. Being there when they need you most is the balance.....Good advice,,,,,hmmmm I wonder sometimes if any of us has much of that.

    God bless you as you give it a go to win back one who has strayed. Prayers are with you.


  4. Pastor_Bob

    Pastor_Bob Well-Known Member

    Jul 15, 2002
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    Perhaps one of the most difficult things that we can do is also one of the most important when dealing with a backslidden Christian. We must allow God given consequences to doing their intended purpose. All consequences, good or bad humanly speaking, are good if they are from God.

    Too many times we step in and "save" them from the consequences of their actions. What we do is take away their need to repent. Their problem is solved so they have no need of repentance any longer. They never get the root problem taken care of.

    For example: If a young man unwisely charges a huge debt on his credit card. A wise parent will allow this young man to feel the consequences of his actions. An unwise parent will "bail" him out and he will never learn the lesson on how to manage his finances.

    The Bible example of this principle is found in the parable of the Prodigal Son. The son made some very foolish decisions. The father allowed him to go. He wound up in the hog-pen. What a horrible thought for us to think of our loved one in the "hog-pen." But we need to realize that it was in the hog-pen that the young man "came to himself," repented, and returned to the father's house.

    In the story it is told that after he spent all, "no man gave to him." He had to endure the awful consequences of his ungodly decisions. That quickly led him to the hog-pen which led him to repent.

    Our prayer for our backslidden loved ones should be their safety while in the hog-pen. When we try and help them avoid God given consequences (the hog-pen) we actually postpone the process of repentance.

    Sorry, I didn't mean to preach you a sermon but I believe these truths will help you. It is a tough thing to do I know, I've had to do it. God has worked miraculously in both situations.

    God Bless You,

    Pastor Bob
  5. RaptureReady

    RaptureReady New Member

    Sep 17, 2002
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    Amen, well said Pastor Bob.

    These past few Wednesday nights my pastor has been preaching on humility and humbling ourselves. Sometimes God allows humility, suffering, trails and tribulations to draw us closer to him.