Church Splitting

· Do not ever clap in church because someone might sue the church for damaged hands.

· Do not sing any of the Psalms because for over 1000 years the church did not sing at all.

· Do not bring on any new leadership because the younger generation lacks experience in using formaldehyde. They need to know its proper use so that they can pickle others around them. The older generation, the Geritol gang, needs to teach the younger generation how to lead in undertaking because they certainly would not want the young people to know who the uptaker is first.

· Pool tables should not be in the church. Those were found at bars and will only get damaged.

· We need to save our money for a rainy day because we might need it later. That church lost everything except $3,000 in a poor investment.

· The younger generation needs to sit under the teaching of old folks for many years so they know how to do church right. After all Paul told us how to do it right and the young people should know that just like the congregations Paul started with the old believers from antiquity that had been Christians for about three years or less.

· Certainly we would not want air conditioning in a church because that would cater to modernism and is not found in the Bible.

· We should not translate the Bible because the people might misinterpret scripture by reading a translation.

· A piano has no place in the church because it was once found in bars.

· Ladies should not wear makeup because only prostitutes wore makeup.

· Women should never work outside the home because Proverbs 31 says that women are to buy a field and plant it.

· God never intended people to drink coffee and tea because those could stimulate the body.

· God never intended a church to own property because it should always be the property of the pastor and that will be his retirement when he sells it to the next pastor.

· Paying for a pew space must be done to ensure an income for the church and to give the rich the best pews in the church because they are the prominent people in society and the church. After all it would not look good to see poor people in the front pews.

· We certainly would not want to sing any CCM music that Isaac Watts wrote. Especially some of the modern music such as “When I Survey The Wondrous Cross.”

· Do not ever sing any of the new songs because they have a beat and a beat is from Satan.

· If people want to know Jesus they will come to church just like a person who wants a drink will go to a bar.

· At one time all of these have been issues in the Christian church. A lot of churches have split and people have died over some of those issues.

Are any of those issues worth dying for?