Computer Funnies

Hope you get a laugh out of the following - i know i did!

#1) A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

#2) Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

#3) The FAX
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

#4)I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"

#5) "SOUTHCOM Help Desk; may I help you ?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Microsoft Word."
"What sort of trouble ?"
"Well I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away ?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now ?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing ?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in Microsoft Word or did you get out ?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen ?"
"What's a sea-prompt ?"
"Never mind. Can you move your cursor around the screen ?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator ?"
"What's a monitor ?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on ?"
"I don't know ?"
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that ?"
Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one ?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer ?"
"I can't reach it."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is ?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over ?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark ?"
"Yes the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not ?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power.... A power failure ? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in ?"
"Well, yes I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad ?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them ?"
"Tell them you're too *hopelessly* stupid to own a computer !!!!"

Caller : "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech :"Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as a part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller : "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has "4X" on it."



Ray :type: