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For Northerners Moving South . . .

Discussion in 'Jokes & Humor (Clean)' started by Revmitchell, Feb 19, 2009.

  1. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member
    Site Supporter

    Feb 18, 2006
    Likes Received:
    In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

    Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in th! e same store....do not buy food at this store.

    Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.!

    Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

    Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

    Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

    The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

    Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

    If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

    If there is the prediction of the slightest chan! ce of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

    Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim

    In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

    AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
  2. Gina B

    Gina B Active Member

    Dec 30, 2000
    Likes Received:
    So you're saying that a southerner isn't capable of getting his own car out of the ditch without assistance, the kids father's don't take them hunting, you guys can't figure out how to grow grass on a lawn, and can't even pronounce your own language accurately?

    How appropriate that "y'all" represent the... *ahem* southern end.

  3. BigBossman

    BigBossman New Member

    Jan 8, 2009
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    I wouldn't be able to get my car out of a ditch without some kind of assistance. Y'all is a word that I commonly use.

    A few years back, someone actually accused me of being from New Jersey, or as he put it "New Joisey". While I have lived in the South all of my life, I have never picked up the accent. My formative years were spent in Hollywood, FL. That's probably why I haven't picked up the accent.

    I'm just glad that I don't use words like cahh (car), joisey (jersey), eh? (Canadian for "huh?"), or even the phrase "Yaa, you betcha".

    If northerners, didn't sound the way they did, life would be somewhat boring. I'm sure that we sound just as funny to them too.
    #3 BigBossman, Feb 19, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 19, 2009
  4. Salamander

    Salamander New Member

    Jul 2, 2005
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    We who own four-wheel drives DON'T need assistance to get out of the ditch, it's when we need a crane to pull them out of the swamp is when we need assistance!
    Of course we do, it's just momma has more time than we does
    We're to busy out in th'woods growing a different brand of grass is why the driveway don't get all that much use, 'cept when the preacher comes lookin' fir us!:tongue3:
    Sez who?

    Be shore to come visit sometime in th' near future and we'll be shore to blow ya's a kiss from the Good' ol' SOUTHERN end!:tongue3: Yep, shore as shootin'!