Having a baby?

I am also positive after having my second child (just turned 2) that I do not want anymore children. I had a horrible labor/delivery with the first and a C-Section with the second. I understand how you feel. I watched the TLC Baby thing the other day too and was a blubbering crying mess too,but I think it's cause you see how beautiful the miracle of birth is and it reminds you of the PAIN PAIN PAIN! LOL! Perhaps you can discuss this more with hubby. It is your body, your pain, your life too you know. I would not have another child just because my husband wanted me to. Don't you think there may be some resentment later on when you can't do the things you want to do cause of another child?
It would be easy to look at hubby and blame him for everything....while he's not pregnant or going through labor, etc. especially.

Just my 2 cents.

I'd pray hard about it, and in the meantime, be careful......if you know what I mean.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SAVED4LIFE:
I would not have another child just because my husband wanted me to. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ah, but that would be all the more Biblical sister! Your husband is the head of your home, and while he should dwell with you according to knowledge, wives are called to:

(Col 3:18 KJV) Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

(Eph 5:22 KJV) Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

(Eph 5:23 KJV) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

And finally, in Genesis 3:16, we read that wives desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

If your husband wants you to have another baby, then the right thing to do would be to submit to him.

I am the mother of five, of which only the oldest was, shall we say, planned. The other four, including a set of twins, were conceived while we were trying not to have any more children. The next to last pregnancy was esp. surprising since she was conceived when the twins were only 8 months onld. That means there is only 17 months between the twins and the next child, and altogether, 4 children under the age of four.

I can honestly say I resent none of them!

Kathy, sis, a ministry is a wonderful thing to have, but your priority is to your husband, home, and children. Your family is your ministry!

If not now, there will be a time when you will be more able to fully serve the Lord through your church. At any rate, there are many things in the church you can do though you have children, a home, and a husband:

sing in the choir
teach sunday school
lead your ladies group
start a card ministry
be involved in the shut-in ministry (make cookies to take to them, send cards, visit them with the children! they love children, take a basket of necessities to one shut-in each month, etc)
write letters or send cards to missionary wives
do a church newsletter
organize VBS (I did this three times while pregnant or while I had toddlers)

All these things can easily be done though you have a family!

Any other ideas ladies?

[ December 06, 2001: Message edited by: KeeperOfMyHome ]

 

BTW, Titus 2 mentions nothing of the aged women teaching the younger women to serve the church or have a ministry:

(Titus 2:4 KJV) That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

(Titus 2:5 KJV) To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

How 'bout that?

 

Husbands are called to respect thier wives, too. If my husband knew I really did not want to have any more children, he should take my needs into consideration as well as his own. If a doctor told a woman she would die if she had another child, but the husband still wanted more kids ---- I see a serious problem there.

 

However, if there is not reason a woman cannot have more children, then if the husband wants more, then the wife should submit. I can understand the situation Dr. Bob and his wife were under . . . that is pretty serious. But again, if there is not reason a woman cannot conceive and bear children, she should not disobey her husband.

Have you ever considered that many problems in one pregnancy are not present in others? I had severe carpal tunnel syndrom with my first and last pregnancies. However, with the two middle pregnancies, I had not problems whatsoever . . . and one of those was a twin pregnancy.

My sister had a good first pregnancy, but with the second she had trouble with high blood pressure.

You just never know what will happen in a pregnancy.

As far as a husband respecing the wife, that isn't Bible. What is Bible is the following:

(Eph 5:33 KJV) Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

A man is to love his wife, and a wife is to reverence the husband.

Maybe what you're referring to is the following?

(1 Pet 3:7 KJV) Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

 

Hey Kat! I'd be honored to help you in any way I can. If you write tonight or in the a.m., I may not respond right away as we are going on our annual Christmas shopping trip! But I'll read it, pray about how to respond, and promise I'll do my best to answer ASAP!

BTW, I hope I didn't come across holier-than-thou. I apologize if I did.

Julia
[email protected]

 

All I can tell you is you what happened to me. I didn't want anymore kids, nor did my husband and this pregnancy really caught me by surprise. I too was praying for where God wanted me to serve. I just felt like i needed to be serving my God more. I had been approached about a couple of ministries during the last few months, but I just wasn't sure what God wanted me to do.

Well, now I know what he wants me to do and it sure wasn't anything I had planned on. I will be taking care of my wonderful little girl and certain ministries that I was unaware of before are opening up to me so I will be able to do both, take care of my daughter while serving!

Does that mean you should keep having baby's because I did? Not necessarily, only God knows the answer to that, but just remember, when you aren't sure whether to choose A or B, God will show you the right choice is actually C.

Kathy, one thing I have learned from listening to you here is that you are truly seeking God and I have no doubt that you will find the answers you seek in time.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by wishtolearn:

Here's an idea: Remember that gal in Texas who drowned all of her children because she couldn't take it anymore. Sure, go ahead and let your husband rule the roost if that's what you want, but how about taking control over your own body and mind. God will do what he will, but we do have free will, remember...........<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Don't get me started on what I can say about a woman who would kill her own children because she "can't take it anymore". To throw that out here like people like "us" are to blame for what she did is just wrong. If she were seeking God she would have indeed found that she could take it. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Phillipians 4:13

The verses listed above by Keeper are clear. Each couple needs to decide what to do, but yes the man is the leader of the home. Of course God knows that men who are following God won't ask their wives to do things that are not in God's will.

~Lorelei

 

Hi Kathy,

I have three children and I can't get that feeling of wanting more out of me either. I also have had several miscarriages. I know it is the Lord's will for me not to have any more in fact we took measure for it to become impossible. One of my lost pregnancies I almost died from and we did not want to go through it again but we prayed diligently and asked the Lord for guidance and He revealed that three was enough.

I am in agreement with whoever said to turn off TLC and stop watching the Baby story and Maternity Ward etc...If it is any consolation to you I cry over those shows too and my baby is turning 2 in 2 days. I am so blessed to have the children that I have and I have a desire to have more and that might be the motherly instinct that the Lord puts in a woman.

I would suggest if you are sure the Lord does not want you to have any more children to take time with your children and your husband instead of in front of the blooming TV which is just causing you to question this issue.

The other thing that you might want to consider and I don't know what you are doing now but get involved in your local assembly and do some ministries in your church. I have a ministry that my two year old is involved in and it is so much fun and it is such a fun age.

But no matter what you decide according to God's will I will be praying for you.

Jane.

 

Don't get me started on what I can say about a woman who would kill her own children because she "can't take it anymore". To throw that out here like people like "us" are to blame for what she did is just wrong. If she were seeking God she would have indeed found that she could take it. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Phillipians 4:13

The verses listed above by Keeper are clear. Each couple needs to decide what to do, but yes the man is the leader of the home. Of course God knows that men who are following God won't ask their wives to do things that are not in God's will.

~Lorelei[/QB][/QUOTE]
I'm not blaming that incident on "people like you" on these lists. I am just saying that this woman kept on having children because her husband wanted her to, post departum depression had a lot to do with this and she snapped. What she did is not right and I don't condone it but I don't condone women having children just because they should "serve their husbands". bringing a child into this world requires the help and desire of both the husband and wife otherwise the child will suffer. I'm sure in more cases than not, the child that was an "oops" turns out to be loved and wanted just as much as any other but then there are the parents who resent that child for the rest of it's life because it wasn't wanted. One has to make their own choices. Yes, I believe God will make all things possible and endurable but I also know what depression is capable of doing to a person no matter how hard they try fighting it.

What about the Christian woman who lives with the crack-addicted, wife-abusing husband who abuses her and the children. Should we submit to him too because it says so in the Bible? Or should we pray and maybe get the heck out of there?

 

I have six children. Five are adopted because I could only have one (a horse kicked me in the stomach when I was 21 and I lost two before I was able to have a live baby -- he's 28 now).

We are SO influenced by the world's standards! It is something I have noticed about myself in so many little, and sometimes weird, ways. "I want...." is so prevalent in all of our hearts.

But the Bible says children are a gift from the Lord, a blessing. Isn't it strange that we all want the blessings of money, comfort, wisdom, and so many other things we consider blessings (some of which may not be!), but we have decided that we will tell God when's enough where the blessing of children is concerned?

Is it up to the wife or husband to make that decision? Isn't it up to God, the author and perfecter of life?

My two youngest are seventeen now (not twins, both adopted). One is profoundly retarded and will be with us as long as he lives -- he had encephalitis when he was 3. But my youngest daughter is making that incredible stretch towards womanhood, and she is doing a wonderful job of sorting out her earlier confusions and rebellions. I'm so proud of her!

Shoot! I've just begun to get the idea of being a Mom! Great pots full of spaghetti and laughter around the table. Boyfriends, girlfriends, grades, and "what's life all about, anyway?"

I know the little ones can be hard. I remember when #1 (6 years old) son was so disgusted with #1 daughter (in a walker at the time) because she was a chronic screamer that he shoved her, walker and all, down the stairs into the family room. She was screaming at the top, screaming at the bottom, and her screams never broke stride.

Today she is a beautiful young woman of 22 who is engaged to be married this coming spring. During her teen years she defied all odds with mother/daughter relationships and we were absolute best friends for a good part of them.

It was a houseful. It was also the one place the neighbor kids could come to play, because their moms all worked and at that time I had decided to homeschool my troops, so I was home. As a result of being friends with so many kids, we ended up being jr. high leaders, and then high school leaders at church. The kids knew us and trusted us. And we really got a kick out of them.

And sometimes we were a refuge -- when one young man lost his dad in an accident, he would come and just sit in our living room without saying a word for an hour or two and then come into the kitchen and say, "Thanks. I'll be going now."

Being a fulltime mom with a big family is not just a blessing for the family, but it is also a blessing to the people around you. In this age of isolated families, not only the kids all have each other, but your friends end up being attracted to you just to talk about the kid stuff they are frustrated with.
And what about the dad? Well, God is in charge of him, too. God knows what you two can handle -- or, rather, what He wants to handle through you. Let Him. His decisions are always much wiser than ours.

The time will come soon enough when the youngest is off to school. And then off to college or work. And the house will be quiet then. You will have all the time you want, and, what is more, you will have the wisdom that goes with that time to share with all the young mothers coming up after you who are so far away from their own extended families, either physically or emotionally.

Hard? Sometimes very. But the view from the top of that mountain can't be beat. And good views are always worth the climb.

Love your husband for all you are worth and let God decide about the kids. He knows what He is doing!

That being said, please bear in mind that there are medical necessities such as Bob's family had to deal with. But I think the Lord makes that pretty obvious, too. And one other medical bit: having babies every year? Try nursing on demand and holding your baby a LOT. You stand a much less chance of conceiving if your 'baby hunger' is already being satisfied.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I don't condone women having children just because they should "serve their husbands". <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Neither do I. I think they should do it because they are "serving God" who tells them to be submissive unto thier husbands. As I pointed out before, God also expects the husbands to love thier wives as He loves the Church, so the husband should be seeking the best interest of the wives.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>
Yes, I believe God will make all things possible and endurable but I also know what depression is capable of doing to a person no matter how hard they try fighting it.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The point is, you can't blame this on the fact that they were "submitting" to thier husband. The problems lie much deeper then that.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>What about the Christian woman who lives with the crack-addicted, wife-abusing husband who abuses her and the children. Should we submit to him too because it says so in the Bible? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Where does it say that the husband can abuse the wife and children?? It says to be submissive not stoopid!

Of course that is another subject entirely and I hate taking a thread off it's current topic. I might start one on this subject though.

~Lorelei

 

Helen, I completely agree with you.

My husband was determined to have no more children after our fourth was born until I asked him why he'd more than welcome a financial blessing but not the blessing of a new child? That really made him think, and even though we haven't had a fifth child yet, God willing we will.

Of course, shows like "A Baby Story", "Maternity Ward", and "Labor and Delivery" all make me crave another baby right now, but I'm hoping we can wait another 2 years or so. Our house is small and we're crammed as it is. We need a bigger place.

On a side note, I haven't been able to watch "A Baby Story" as much the past few weeks since they featured their first lesbian couple. I knew it was bound to happen. All babies are miracles, but it would be nice if they'd stick to married couples...the way God intended it to be.

Lucy