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Help please

Discussion in 'Youth Forum' started by Godsmuiscgirl07, Jan 30, 2006.

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  1. Godsmuiscgirl07

    Godsmuiscgirl07 New Member

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    I believe that my best friend and her boyfriend are getting too close emotionally and physically. I have tried talking with her about it and i get blown off. For Christmas I gave her the book "Every Young Woman's Battle." I know she has read it because we have discussed it. I have been praying about it too. I keep finding out different things about their relationship and it shocks me every time. I would prefer not to go into details about the relationship though. Do yall have any suggestions on what else I can do. If not please pray for her.
     
    #1 Godsmuiscgirl07, Jan 30, 2006
  2. PastorSBC1303

    PastorSBC1303 Active Member

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    Keep praying for her and talking to her when you get the opportunity.

    In reality there is nothing "you" can do to change things for her. The Lord has to work in her heart and life and give her the desire to do things right.

    Does this young lady know the Lord?
     
    #2 PastorSBC1303, Jan 30, 2006
  3. TennisNE1

    TennisNE1 Member

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    Agree with pastor....prayer is a powerful thing.
     
    #3 TennisNE1, Jan 30, 2006
  4. Godsmuiscgirl07

    Godsmuiscgirl07 New Member

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    yes she is a Christain. i will continue praying for her.
     
    #4 Godsmuiscgirl07, Jan 30, 2006
  5. TaterTot

    TaterTot Guest

    I will be praying too. Ulitmately, this has to be her decision, but you can be very influential in that process.
     
    #5 TaterTot, Jan 30, 2006
  6. bapmom

    bapmom New Member

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    Godsmuiscgirl,

    this might not be a very popular response, but if she has Christian parents I'd suggest going and talking with them about it. It very likely will cause your friend to be very angry at you, but better to have her angry and pure than happy with you and pregnant.

    If you do not feel that its appropriate for you to go to her parents alone, than I suggest you discuss this with your parents and ask them to come with you and talk to her parents together. This also ought to be done in conjunction with advice from your pastor.

    Im assuming that all of you go to church together? If not, than I think you ought to talk to her pastor about it, too.
     
    #6 bapmom, Jan 30, 2006
  7. Godsmuiscgirl07

    Godsmuiscgirl07 New Member

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    I agree with you and I would but her parents are supportive of the relationship. They want them to get married. I think it is great that she has found someone whom her parents like but we are 17.
    No, we do not go to the same church. We come from different religious backgrounds. (I am southern Baptist and she is missionary Baptist) One time I said that my pastor required premarital counseling before he would perform your wedding. I believe this is an excellent idea. However, she replied in my church that would be called an invasion of privacy. This came as a shock to me. I talk to my pastor about everything. So I don’t believe it would an open idea to talk to her pastor.
    Thank you for your advice. In the past talking with a friend's parents has worked. In the end the friend was thankful and not mad.
     
    #7 Godsmuiscgirl07, Jan 31, 2006
  8. TaterTot

    TaterTot Guest

    Would her parents still be suportive if they knew stuff was going on? If so, there may not be much you can do, other than just talking to her openly and firmly about it. You are a sweet friend to care so much.
     
    #8 TaterTot, Jan 31, 2006
  9. bapmom

    bapmom New Member

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    I was thinking the same as Tater. Her parents may approve of the relationship, but very well may not approve of some of the things you are concerned about. They just may not know about them.

    I still believe that a meeting between you, your parents, and her parents is in order. Whether they believe you or not is in their hands, but I think you have some duty as her friend to at least try to warn her parents that something else is going on.
     
    #9 bapmom, Jan 31, 2006
  10. rbell

    rbell Active Member

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    As you seek counsel, GMG...try to keep the number of people that are in on your friend's situation to a minimum. I've seen lots of relationships ruined and people hurt when "prayer requests" and stuff got talked about.

    Don't talk with your other friends about it. They don't need to know.

    You've gotten advice to talk to your parents. Will they handle this well? Are they Christians? Do they stay away from gossiping?

    Please understand...I'm not making ANY accusation...I simply don't know your home situation. If they aren't Christians, or don't handle stuff maturely, I wouldn't involve them.

    I'm not sure that your pastor even needs to be involved.

    I'm thankful that this girl has a friend like you who cares what happens to her, and is willing to step up and help her face her issues.

    Above all else, pray. Don't give up.

    God's best,

    RB
     
    #10 rbell, Jan 31, 2006
  11. PastorSBC1303

    PastorSBC1303 Active Member

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    Talking to the parents may be a good suggestion.

    However, I have also witnessed talking to the parents backfire. The teenager/couple become even more set on doing things the way that they want to and the friends opportunity for influence is over.

    I would again suggest you spend a lot of time in prayer over it. The Lord will let you know what is the right thing to do in your situation.
     
    #11 PastorSBC1303, Jan 31, 2006
  12. Scarlett O.

    Scarlett O. Moderator
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    Sweetie, it all boils down to this.

    As firm as YOUR convictions are about premarital sex, you cannot control the choices that your friend makes.

    Not even the choices of your BEST friend who says she is a Christian.

    I do not believe in having an "intervention" with your parents and her parents all together.

    Tell her parents in private, if you absolutely feel that the Lord is leading you too, that they need to talk to their daughter about her physical relationship that is developing between her and her boyfriend.

    Mention it once. Mention it seriously. Mention is briefly.

    Then move on. Be a prayer warrior for her in a mighty way. Tell her periodically that you haven't forgotten about praying for her.

    Other than that, you can't control her choices here.

    You said that the things that she says to you shocks you. Even best friends will to that to each other on purpose. She may do that to you because she feels you are trying to control her or judge her.

    This is a hard place to be, I know. Having your best friend make choices that you KNOW are not good for him or her.

    But trust me, your faithful prayers and a "brief" word to her parents in private will go a LOT further than a group intervention.

    If there is to be an intervention, it need to come from her parents, namely her mother, in the privacy of their home.

    Love your friend whether she makes the right choice or not. And pray for her everyday.
     
    #12 Scarlett O., Feb 1, 2006
  13. Godsmuiscgirl07

    Godsmuiscgirl07 New Member

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    My parents are good Christian people and they would not gossip about this. I talk to my mom about everything and she already knows that I am concerned.
    As for as my pastor, I discuss a lot of things with him. He and his wife are like second parents to me. For me discussing this with him would be no different than talking to my dad about it.

    I am still praying but right now I do not feel God leading me to talk to her parents.

    My friends knows I don’t like how serious the relationship is. We have discussed this and she said she liked to be serious with him. However, I have not talked to her about the physical side because I have not found a way to talk about it where she will not fell I am judging her.
    My friend is like my sister and I will love her no matter what the out come. I just don't want her to get hurt.
     
    #13 Godsmuiscgirl07, Feb 1, 2006
  14. TaterTot

    TaterTot Guest

    hey, I see you only have 9 posts...did you re-register?? You didnt have to do that. [​IMG]

    It will eventually come up naturally in a conversation.
     
    #14 TaterTot, Feb 1, 2006
  15. rbell

    rbell Active Member

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    GMG,

    Glad your support system with your folks and pastor is so strong.

    Praying for you guys...
     
    #15 rbell, Feb 1, 2006
  16. Godsmuiscgirl07

    Godsmuiscgirl07 New Member

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    Thanks prayer is the only thing that will work.

    Tater, I dont know what happened with that lol.
     
    #16 Godsmuiscgirl07, Feb 3, 2006
  17. TaterTot

    TaterTot Guest

    If you tried to re-register, maybe with the computer filter change at school, this is not your original account (you spelled your name wrong and your # of posts is smaller ;) )

    You can go to login and request your password and it will send it to the email account you gave BB then you can be you again. (If you wanna)
     
    #17 TaterTot, Feb 3, 2006
  18. PastorSBC1303

    PastorSBC1303 Active Member

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    Has anyone seen Godsmusicgirl07 around here? ;) [​IMG]
     
    #18 PastorSBC1303, Feb 3, 2006
  19. DesiderioDomini

    DesiderioDomini New Member

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    understand this: YOU cannot hold someone accountable who does not wish for you to.

    Simple as that. If she isnt heeding your word, pray for her, but it is out of your hands. Honestly, is there something you can do that God is incapable of doing without you? On the other hand, if you try to take God's place, things will really get messed up.

    Go to that person, say what you think is right, then turn it over to someone older. I think that is the wisest thing to do. Otherwise, its too much of a temptation to try to be their righteousness.
     
    #19 DesiderioDomini, Feb 5, 2006
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