How should Christian parents handle this

My adult children do things I do not like, nor approve of, all the time. Doesn't mean I stop being their mother, nor stop loving them. Doesn't mean I stop inviting them to come home either.

Thankfully, our HEAVENLY FATHER, never stopped loving us and never stopped inviting us home even when we did things of which he did not approve, things he hated...sin. If he had we would be lost for all eternity.

Our children need our love, need to know that when it comes down to it and when the time comes that they're ready to come home, mom and dad will be there with open arms. That's where forgiveness comes in. Never means we're accepting of the choices they've made, just means we're still mom and dad.

 

My children have been taught better from the earliest of ages. They learned respect. For instance, my sons have their ears pierced and tattoos (so does our daughter) when they come home, and go to church with us, the earrings come out and the tattoos are covered with long sleeves. Why? Respect. I know my children use curse words, even though they were taught better. Not in our house...RESPECT. I never even have to remind them once. They just know better. I know our children do not attend church regularly. They know we do and when they come to visit they come with proper church clothes, because they know we'll go. Why? Respect.

Scripture teaches us to raise up a child in the way they should go. Once they become an adult your raising job is finished, after that it's just up to you to love the child you gave birth to.

If your child is coming home with drugs in their pockets then you've done a very poor job as a parent.

PS...I READ the original post and yes, I did answer it....with L O V E. This seems to be something your opinions lack in great quantity. You're so concerned about modeling God that you forget love and compassion, which He has in great abundance, or we would not be accepted into His Home..Heaven.

 

I'm not going to recount the hundreds of hours spent in conversation with my daughter but suffice it to say I have in no way "permitted" her sin nor encouraged it.

What about the example of Jesus?

Now all the tax-gatherers and the sinners were coming near Him to listen to Him. And both the Pharisees and the scribes began to grumble, saying, "This man receives sinners and eats with them."
Luke 15:1-2

I tried to find the verse that has Jesus saying, "Go clean up your act and get right with the Father before we eat." I couldn't find one. They ate with Jesus in their filthy rags and broken lives. Jesus did not compromise the Truth in doing so even though that was what the Pharisees and scribes thought.

I've considered this passage many times over the years and have drawn a simple conclusion. Eating with sinners is less damaging to a public testimony than the inability to love folks at their lowest. What would speak loudest to my daughter? My father lets me come to his home or my Daddy has lost his capacity to love his daughter.

I grieve over her life. I can neither condemn nor convict her. That is the work of the Holy Ghost. I can, however, love her like Jesus loved me, ".... while we were yet sinners....."

FWIW, I do not have a disdain for the Scriptures. I have disdain for those who use them to bludgeon.

 

My thoughts are, Thank you O' Heavenly Father for loving me, a sinner.

 

Wait a second here...so the piercings, tattoos, and cursing are all OK, but once they have drugs in their pockets you did a poor job of parenting? Some might say that the piercings, tattoos, and cursing are all signs of poor parenting as well.

 

The issue whether it be sin or a disagreement can never be more important than the person. There needs to be an appropriate balance but the person needs to be given the greater weight in consideration.

If my adult child came home with:

A drug problem they would be loved and received but never be allowed to bring drugs into my home.

An alcohol problem they would be loved and received but never be allowed to bring their alcohol home.

A pedophile problem they would be loved and received but never allowed to bring a child home.

A homosexual problem they would be loved and received but never allowed to bring their partner home.


If I met my child and their partner out in public somewhere I would treat the partner with kindness, dignity, and respect but would never engage in any conversation that allows for acceptance of their behavior.

And I would do this whether it was my child or anyone else.

 

Another good answer.

 

good answer

 

My wife and I faced a similar problem with a close relative.

Here is what was agreed upon.

Our home is OUR home. What we allowed in our home is OUR business.

We do not allow intoxicants and perversion to be part of OUR home.

When the matter was discussed, the boundaries were established consistent with OUR home.

It wasn't a matter of love, convenience or any other such condition.

It was a matter of what we would and would not allow in OUR home.

If the couple wanted to meet together with us, it was done outside OUR home. The relative was welcome to come to our home, alone - not with the partner and not with any intoxicants.

In his early thirties the relative died, strangling on his own fluids because his body ceased to cleanse the blood.

The last year or so that he lived, he was repentant and apologetic, AND he knew we loved him because unlike others, we showed our love consistently.

As believers we are to love, but we are also to guard.

 

So you would NEVER agree to meet with both of them, in any kind of setting?

there MUST be ground rules, that there wouldbe NO overt affections going on, hugging.kissing etc, but would you refuse just to sit to dinner with them?

IF your child was involved in 'shacking up" with different sex...

SAME answers, just "no meeting at all?"

My former pastor, godly man, "Presbeter" in his church, over roughly 20 local assemblies...

had his oldest child, daughter, end up marrying an unsaved man, and he had to decide IF he would grant 'approval" to that situation!

 

Not to me...

I cannot fathom the issue that would cause God to wish for us to turn our backs on each other, save for the very proper issue of church discipline instituted by Christ in Matthew 18, but that never tells US as indviduals to separate from someone just because they are in sin.

How else will we ever win them back if we do not exemplify Christ who FIRST loved us while we were yet sinners? (And, for the record, "win them back" does not mean "save".)

 

You know what? I think that you are right...

So, WHAT DO WE DO when confronted by these sort of issues?

I had neighbors that lived right across from my house in Louisville. They were loud, obnoxious, drank a lot, smoked pot, and came over and hit on my wife fairly regularly. When we first moved in they saw the "pastor" sticker on the windshield of my car and told me to get my tires off of their property (I was parked).

After living across from them for about 4 years, we walked into each other's homes as if we were family. When my wife had a car accident and I had no wheels, I just took their car and asked later. It was all good.

Oh, and they were lesbians... :laugh:

Oh, again, I invited them to the Christmas service at our church this past year -- and they went with us. raying:

They have not professed faith yet, but God is at work and He has caused a great relationship -- in godly love -- to be built even though the sin was rampant.

 

Another good answer.

 

Indeed! One of the "Berean" tests that I apply to doctrine and theology (as in one's beliefs and application of Scripture) is whether it brings life or death. If it brings death, it is probably a wrong interpretation or a misplaced zeal for some doctrine that is not cohesive, for I've found that God is in the life-bringing business.

John 3 lays this out rather clearly... Jesus did not come into the world to condemn the world, for the world was condemned already.

 

think most telling to me is IF the 'couples" were not gay in this scenerio, but shacking up male/female...

Would same standards of just ignoring them apply I Wonder?

 

I know so many couples shacking up these days that I lost count years ago.