I have teenagers!

Wait until your daughter starts talking about guys being "hot." Have to admit, I was totally not ready for that one.

BTW, a good book (and there are loads out there) is the Five Love Languages for Teenagers. We found this book very interesting & helpful.

 

I have experience with those latino boyfriends. Be careful :laugh: .

 

I know the feeling

 

Good luck on that one. Here "hot" is more of a cool way of saying cute than specifically sexual.

 

What I really want to know is, does there come a time when they actually care to comb their hair and wear clothes that match? Sometimes I think my kids compete to see who can look more like Little Orphan Annie.

 

One of the biggest issues for us (and for many parents with teens) is the curfew. “How late can I stay out? Why so early?? You know that so and so doesn’t have to be home until 1 am?” And on and on and on it goes. Let me share our radical way of handling this issue: Our kids simply don’t have a standing curfew.

The problems with a curfew are many, but I’ll list two: (1) it creates a source of constant bickering and (2) teens usually stay out until the curfew time whether they need to or not. At our teens’ high school, they continuously bring up three important things about the school --

1. Christian school, without apology
2. High academics, without excuses
3. Responsible behavior, without coercion

Picking up on #3, we want our kids to learn to behave responsibly – not because we’re holding a baseball bat but because it’s simply the right thing to do. Responsible behavior is learned – it does not always (ever?) occur naturally. If they don’t learn it now, then when? And when they “fall down” (and they will), we want to be around to help as needed (which doesn’t necessarily mean we save them from the consequences of their mistakes).

With this approach, we put the responsibility of when they are going to be home back on to them. In a few years (a few months for one of mine), they will be at college & I won’t be standing by their dorm room making sure they get back in time. After all, my main concerns are: where they are, who they are with, what are they doing and are they safe? (Plus, how many of us drove like mad when we were teens just so we could walk in the front door by the appointed hour? In retrospect, how stupid was that!?) OK, OK, I do care when they are going to be home (personally I don’t go to bed until I hear that front door), but it’s not nearly as important as the other items.

When our teens go out (or more specifically ask to go out), they let us know the answers to the three key questions – where, who, and what. And they let us know what time they expect to be home. Obviously, it has to be within reasonable hour. “No set” curfew doesn’t mean they get to stay out all night.

In theory, it goes something like this --“Dad, can I go to the movies with Ana and Sheri? It starts at 8 and we want to go to Friday’s to eat afterwards. I should be home by 11:00.” Usually, they are home by 11 or they may call a few minutes before & let me know they are on the way. Occasionally, I get a call around 10:30. “Dad, the service is really slow so it may be closer to 11:30” or “Dad, we ran into a bunch of friends (with names listed) at Friday’s. Is it OK if we go back to Joe’s house (a boy from our church & school whose parents we trust implicitly) to hang for a while? I’ll be home before 12, OK?” Usually, we are ok with changes as long as we know the answers to the where, who, what questions, it’s a safe environment, and it’s not too late.

Of course, “not too late” can still be an issue – and the time has changed as our teens have gotten older. While this approach is not for everyone & it has its own set of issues, we have found that this has really worked for us. So far anyway.

 

Comes with a vengeance. Overnight too. Be prepared to buy extra brushes and put up extra mirrors.

 

Whew! I was starting to worry.