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If you were a Pharisee :-)

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Dale-c, Jan 18, 2008.

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  1. Dale-c

    Dale-c Active Member

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    Ok, this is a lighthearted thread to post your pet peeves.

    This is where you can say what rules you would make that go beyond the Bible if you were a Pharisee.

    Please don't post anything that you really think is universally sinful for all Christians.

    Also remember this is for humor as well.
     
    #1 Dale-c, Jan 18, 2008
  2. Plain Old Bill

    Plain Old Bill New Member

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    If I were a pharisee, I would'nt allow men to wear tights.:laugh:
     
    #2 Plain Old Bill, Jan 18, 2008
  3. tinytim

    tinytim <img src =/tim2.jpg>

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    If I was a Pharisee, I would outlaw saggy's polls!
     
    #3 tinytim, Jan 18, 2008
  4. Joe

    Joe New Member

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    If I were a pharisee, I would tell everyone not to take drink alcohol because it is sin!
     
    #4 Joe, Jan 18, 2008
  5. Palatka51

    Palatka51 New Member

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    Pepsi would be contraband as it uses various peoples of ill repute to promote it's product, Michael Jackson to Britney Spears.
     
    #5 Palatka51, Jan 19, 2008
  6. mcdirector

    mcdirector Active Member

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    If I were a pharisee, everyone would have to learn to like coffee

    and drink it the way God intended it to be - BLACK ;)
     
    #6 mcdirector, Jan 19, 2008
  7. saturneptune

    saturneptune New Member

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    If I were a Pharisee, all soap operas and reality shows would cease.

    If I were a Pharisee, I would post over and over again in threads about vice, and tell other people how to live.
     
    #7 saturneptune, Jan 19, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 19, 2008
  8. JerryL

    JerryL New Member

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    If I were a Pharisee, I would outlaw Left Lane Larry's.

    Oh, it is already taken. They just don't obey.

    If I were a Pharisee, I would outlaw Preachers that ask people to open or close the service in Prayer without asking them before hand.
     
    #8 JerryL, Jan 19, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 19, 2008
  9. Sopranette

    Sopranette New Member

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    If I were a Pharisee, all money taken up during collections would be the silent kind!

    love,

    Sopranette
     
    #9 Sopranette, Jan 19, 2008
  10. Dale-c

    Dale-c Active Member

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    Hey, Pepsi IS contraband!
    real Christians drink Coke.

    and Also if I was a pharisee I would ban high fructose corn syrup and make Coke go back to glass bottles exclusively! :)
     
    #10 Dale-c, Jan 19, 2008
  11. Dale-c

    Dale-c Active Member

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    Amen to both of these, maybe we can find something to twist to make this an outright sin? :)
     
    #11 Dale-c, Jan 19, 2008
  12. Dale-c

    Dale-c Active Member

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    Yes, and Starbucks would not be allowed to call a
    small mocha a "tall"
     
    #12 Dale-c, Jan 19, 2008
  13. Palatka51

    Palatka51 New Member

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    At Passover we, Coca Cola, will offer a Kosher Coke that will not have High Fructose corn syrup in the recipe. If I am not mistaken Coke will be sweeten with real cane sugar. So actually the drink should be great to drink at passover for your everyday Pharisee.:thumbs:
    You are also right about the glass. I wish we could go back to that also. :type:
     
    #13 Palatka51, Jan 19, 2008
  14. annsni

    annsni Well-Known Member
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    Oh! Amen!!

    If I were a Pharisee, every parent would need to take a class at the police station on how to properly use and buckle their children into car seats. (This is after speaking to a mom of 2 and finding out she has her 5 month old 22 lb. son forward facing in the car in the infant seat that is not designed to be installed forward facing. A baby's spine can stretch up to 2" in a crash when their spinal cord can only stretch 1/4" - which equals a dead or paralyzed baby. "I didn't know!" she says to me - this well-educated woman who had the directions printed right on the side of the infant seat that I showed her to prove my advice.)

    Editing to add, I'd outlaw the phrase "Judge not lest ye be judged" - used by MANY people who don't know the Lord at all but seem to be experts on what the Bible says on judging.
     
    #14 annsni, Jan 19, 2008
  15. reformedbeliever

    reformedbeliever New Member

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    Are you going to put the coke back in coke? :eek:
     
    #15 reformedbeliever, Jan 19, 2008
  16. ANewCreature

    ANewCreature New Member

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    Well, they're close to doing it now, it's more of a thing for the era when i grew up, but I'd say that no sports team should be allowed to play on any artificial surface, as trying to copy God's creation. (Have you ever seen pictures of Old Comiskey park with turf? Or Candlestick Park? Ug-ly! :)

    All sports, entertainment, and other stars would be required to conform to a strict "role model" code, by virtue of being int he public eye, nd the fact some kids don't have a parental figure they can look up to. (Not that they always cause kids to turn astray, but you asked for Pharisaic rules.)

    No baseball games on weekends would be allowed to start after 4 PM, unless it's the 2nd game of a doubleheader, using the rule that the night is for sleeping.

    The Dodgers would be placed back in brooklyn. :) I'd give L.A. the Mets in return.

    All this is why Sodom had a better chance at surviving than I have at being Commissioner of Baseball. :)
     
    #16 ANewCreature, Jan 19, 2008
  17. PK

    PK New Member

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    I would have situational ethics for lying.
     
    #17 PK, Jan 19, 2008
  18. Dale-c

    Dale-c Active Member

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    I think you missed the point of the thread.
    It is for things that you really don't like but realize you have no business making in a moral issue that all should abide by, thus the Coke in glass bottle or the seat belt classes etc.

    And it should be light hearted.
     
    #18 Dale-c, Jan 19, 2008
  19. Dale-c

    Dale-c Active Member

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    that is what I have heard. Also there are many stores around here that sell Coke in glass bottles imported from Mexico that are made with real sugar.

    I can get those anytime but they are at least a dollar a bottle and no way to buy in bulk.
     
    #19 Dale-c, Jan 19, 2008
  20. blackbird

    blackbird Active Member

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    I would ban cell phones!!!!!

    I would enact a penalty on people who "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah" and who "Text Message" on their cell phone while in the company of live human beings!!! Thats just about one of the rudiest things anyone can do---pretend that company is not present---all the time "Text Messaging" someone who has no idea whats going on----If I were a Pharasee---I'd smash their cell phones into a million pieces!!!!:laugh: :laugh:

    I would also make cell phones illegal in such places as Wally-World and especially at church---I cringe when I see cell phones at church---and don't you DARE let me catch you "Text Messageing" while the sermon is "going on"---and so help me---if your cell phone rings while I'm preaching----well---remember when Moses crushed up all that golden calf and made the people drink it???----Well---how does a cell phone taste--anyone???!!!!
     
    #20 blackbird, Jan 19, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 19, 2008
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