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Insecurity and doubt and Satan attacks!

Discussion in 'General Baptist Discussions' started by Seth&Mattsmom, Apr 13, 2006.

  1. Seth&Mattsmom

    Seth&Mattsmom New Member

    Aug 13, 2005
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    This rears its ugly head in my life from time to time, and most often in the past year since I made the commitment to join the church and become an active member.

    My church is small and everyone knows who I am. No one but a few knows me, because everytime people stop to talk to me I get nervous and clam up. Nothing earth shattering. I am still polite, but my converstation skills are not good when I want to make friends.

    I guess one of the big things that bothers me is that I really love to talk to the pastors wife and can chat with her all day, but the pastor I can only say, "Hi, how are you". I totally freeze. This is actually OK in a way, since all my life I have developed "crushes" on men of authority in my life. So part of me is glad that is all I get from the pastor...the other part is sad because everyone else seems to know him so well.

    Now, I know that some of this is my social skills. I come from a family of introverts, and if you are not an introvert, you won't understand why making friends is hard. I am 34, have two small boys, one with special needs, and attend church alone, without my DH. Aside from the few minutes I chat with the pastors wife, I have no friends. It bothers me that I have no personal friends in my beloved church! Of course I love them all, and we are all friends, but I wish someone would want to know ME.

    And there lies the Satan attacking. Everytime I get to wondering why I am having a hard time making friends, I get all these horrible thoughts. Like: they only tolerate me because I am part of the body of Christ. And: They scorn the fact that I choose to continue with my childrens' bedtime routine instead of going to evening services (childcare is not provided). Or this kicker: They know some of your past and do not want you, really. I feel like he attacks whenever I start getting deeper into the Christian life. At the time of my baptism last year I was a basket case, LOL. This past few weeks has been one of prayer, since my husband has agreed to go to church Easter Sunday. He hasn't gone to church in years.

    Am I the only Christian out there that has trouble making friends? I know that I am not...my mother and I have discussed this and she has lived the same life without friends for over 40 years now. I hurt for her just as I am starting to hurt for me!

    I keep asking God to help me find another woman friend, but I haven't heard back from this prayer in about 4 years. So maybe I am supposed to try on my own. Maybe He wants me to stick a foot out. How do I do that? Better yet...how would YOU do it?

    Thanks for reading all of this if you got this far. Believe me, I feel better already, just getting it out to other believers. It usually happens that way. [​IMG]
  2. Jim1999

    Jim1999 <img src =/Jim1999.jpg>

    Aug 10, 2002
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    Hello there, and welcome. You have partly answered your own question.....How do I? You took a first step and talked with us. Always keep in mind that the other party may not know how to react or speak either.

    It is like a minister going to a new church where no one knows who you are, and you don't know anyone. It is an equation, and both parties are on equal footing.

    Try to remain confident in what you have to say and don't try to be too profound. Stick to a subject you kow well; your children and how they are doing. Once you gain confidence in a known area, you can open up in other areas. Ask simply questions, even if you already know the answers. Let others then open up to you. They will be pleased to "meet" your needs and it helps to break down "seeming" barriers to friendship.

    The Lord bless you,


  3. Gwen

    Gwen Active Member

    Sep 7, 2004
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    Good advice, Jim!

    Seth&Mattsmom, I have a hard time talking in front of several people, but one on one, I am quite chatty! [​IMG] Maybe you could concentrate on a couple of people that you would like to be friends with. Be friendly! You don't have to say alot, just things like, "Nice day, isn't it?" or "I like the color of your dress!" And SMILE!

    I have found as I have become older that it's easier to make friends. (I'm 48.) Maybe it's because I don't care as much what people think anymore.

    Try to be a blessing. Say nice things. Talk about them and ask them questions. You have shown in your posts that you are a lovely, caring person. They will like you! So if they don't, it's their loss. [​IMG]

    Just a few thots from a fellow introvert... [​IMG]

    God bless!