Is it wrong to have your parents live with you??

[Jacob]

A former pastor of mine says that it is wrong to have your older parents move in with you. No exceptions. He said this would be a violation of the Biblical principle of "leaving and cleaving".

My parents are both older, travel much and we're considering building a separate suite on to our home so that they can live there as their home base.

Is this wrong???

Jacob.

 

[Bro Tony]

Jacob,

No, it is not wrong. In fact there are times when it is the right thing to do. Your former pastor mishandled the Scripture IMO. You taking care of your elderly parent is clear evidence that you genuinely honor your father and mother. I am taking care of my father who suffered a sever stroke. We were going to move my parents in with us, and would have but a good senior adult home very near our home came available, so I daily go and take care of my dad.

If we do not take care of our elderly parents, I believe we are sherking our God given responsibility. I believe the Lord would always have us care for those in our family who need it. I hope this helps.

Bro Tony

 

[Johnv]

Jacob, I fear that your pastor may be a bit broadbrushing and over simplistic. IMO, the commandment of honoring thy father and mother implies that we take care of them when they get to a stage in life where they're unable to care for themselves. Given the fact that this is what they did for us when we were young, it is the least we can do for people who sacrificed so much for our benefit.

If a family member is in need of help, so long as it does not cause anyone in the house to stumble, my door is wide open. After all, it's not really my door, you see. It's actually God's door. I'm just the caretaker.

 

[Charles Meadows]

At the risk of soundng mean - it sounds like that former pastor is not particularly bright.

 

[Deacon]

To neglect a parent in need is a uncaring and dispicable sin.

Mark 7:6-13 states:

And He said to them, “Rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written:
‘THIS PEOPLE HONORS ME WITH THEIR LIPS,
BUT THEIR HEART IS FAR AWAY FROM ME.
‘BUT IN VAIN DO THEY WORSHIP ME,
TEACHING AS DOCTRINES THE PRECEPTS OF MEN.’
“Neglecting the commandment of God, you hold to the tradition of men.”
He was also saying to them, “You are experts at setting aside the commandment of God in order to keep your tradition.
“For Moses said, ‘HONOR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER’; and, ‘HE WHO SPEAKS EVIL OF FATHER OR MOTHER, IS TO BE PUT TO DEATH’;
but you say, ‘If a man says to his father or his mother, whatever I have that would help you is Corban (that is to say, given to God),’
you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or his mother;
thus invalidating the word of God by your tradition which you have handed down; and you do many things such as that.” NAS

Rob

 

[dianetavegia]

Or just maybe he's met MY mother.

 

[Jacob]

My parents aren't particularly old yet (60 ish) but I always felt that my pastors take on this was kind of an extreme interpretation. I don't think that the scriptural instruction to leave your parents and cleave to your wife is talking about geography. My parents have never demonstrated a tendancy to interfere in our marriage or family - they know their boundaries and I wouldn't expect that to change.

Thanks for your comments.

Jacob.

 

[AVL1984]

I believe your pastor is wrong Jacob. My parents lived with two of my sisters and their families after my father found out he was dying of cancer. Your pastor has no scriptural evidence to support his point of view, I guarantee you, at least not without twisting the Word of God to fit his ideology. If your parents need or want to live with you, and that is fine with you, then go for it.

AVL1984

 

[gb93433]

All one would have to do is to consider the culture of the day and he would quickly find out what he suggests was not the case. Why would the issue of Corban be addressed in the gospels if it never existed?

Tell your pastor to find out what Corban was.

 

[blackbird]

I had plans to have either of my parents live with me in their older age---but my dad passed away at 61 and my mom at age 72---so I was never faced with that decision---which wasn't going to be a real decision because my mind was already made up all along!

My wife and I have surrendered to having her parents live with us in their old age and I pray that my children will do the same for me!

Blackbird

 

[Gina B]

It may or may not be wrong. It depends on what the full story is.
For example, your wife may be vehemently opposed to such an arrangement. If that issue cannot be resolved and your parents truly need help, it would seem like the right thing to do would involve honoring your spouse, and doing everything possible to find an alternative way of caring for your parents.
It will most likely put somewhat of a strain on your marriage at times, but in a Christian family this is often something that is able to be worked through. It depends on the willingness of everyone involved to work with each other.
Gina

 

[Jacob]

Gina, I agree with your point. However, my wife totally wants it to happen. I am the hesitant one...remembering the position my former pastor had on the topic.

Jacob.

 

[Pastor J]

I would have to agree with everyone on this one. The passage he is quoting has to do more with when we first get married. My wife and I have already made this decision. When and if my parents need us, we will either live closer to them, haven them live closer to us, or have them live with us. We will not forsake my parents. My wife's parents will be taken care of by my wife's brother.

 

[untangled]

Maybe your pastor had his in-laws move in with him.

Just kidding... If my mother or father ever needed to move in with me there would be a place for them in or near my home. Even my in laws.

 

[SaggyWoman]

Leaving and cleaving.

I have left but I haven't cleft.

I cannot care for my parents (now parent, since my dad died this summer) like they need care. (Besides, I think we would have killed each other.)

But that doesn't take away my responsibility to make sure their needs are cared for--I think that is the "Honor your parents" that God was talking about.

 

[AVL1984]

My situation would have been a trip....I could see my birth father and step-mother living with us, and my adoptive father and birth mother, too, along with my wife's mom....LOL...That would have been a real trip! Right now we do occasionally help my mother since my dad died in 2000. But I have several siblings who assist there, also. My birth father I don't help at all for the reason he doesn't want help from me...period. He's unsaved as is my step mother. And we do help my mom in law with some of her bills every month though I'm disabled and on SS disability and my wife is the only one working. It's hard sometimes, but, I believe it's the scriptural thing to do.

AVL1984