Ladies and Gentlemen, the official Dan Ratherism thread

These are some of the funniest quotes from the biggest joke of a reporter I have seen in a long time. Read and enjoy:

"Do you hear that knocking...President Bush's re-election is at the door."

 

"This race is hotter than a Times Square Rolex."

 

"His lead is as thin as turnip soup."

 

"This race is humming along like Ray Charles."

 

"The presidential race is swinging like Count Basie."

 

"This race is hotter than the Devil's anvil."

 

"Ohio becomes like a sauna for the two candidates. All they can do is wait and sweat."

 

"One's reminded of that old saying, 'Don't taunt the alligator until after you've crossed the creek.'"

 

"This situation in Ohio would give an aspirin a headache.''

 

"Bush is sweeping through the South like a big wheel through a cotton field."

 

"What Kerry needs at this point is the equivalent of Tom Brady coming off the bench to rescue him. But it's still too close to call."

 

"No question now that Kerry's rapidly reaching the point where he's got his back to the wall, his shirttails on fire and the bill collector's at the door."

 

"John Kerry needs something on the order of a 55 or 60-yard field goal to win this."

 

(To Joe Lockhart) "I know that you'd rather walk through a furnace in a gasoline suit than consider the possibility that John Kerry would lose Ohio."

 

(To Joe Lockhart) "What about Michigan? It's been out there for a long time. Is that making your fingernails sweat?"

 

"This presidential race has been crackling like a hickory fire for at least the last hour and a half."

 

"Let's see where it goes from here. Round and round it goes, where it stops nobody knows."

 

"We keep talking about Ohio if you've been tuning in and out or you put the baby to bed or you went to pop the cap on an adult, or otherwise, beverage..."

 

"We used to say if a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a handgun."

 

"No one is saying that George Bush is not going to win the election, and if you had to bet the double-wide, you'd have to bet that he'd win."