Featured Men Hitting Women: Why I Can't Tell Them To Stick It Out!

Correct!!!!

 

So how bout if the wife is the abuser.....perhaps a drug addict and/or an alcoholic & she is way out of control & just beats on the husband. Now the tables are turned. Now answer the question :smilewinkgrin:

 

Yes but it does happen....Ive had my recovering Alcoholic Wife hit me with blunt objects in the face & then dare me to use my body to restrain her. Then she would say, " who will the cops believe....me or you?" Im the woman, Im only 5ft 4 in & your a man over 6 foot. And I couldnt leave the house.... I had an infant son & I was afraid of what she would do to him in that state. When the cops finally came they saw my face, all red & bloody & then they saw her & put two & two together. Yea, I could have popped her but what would that have proven?

 

Easier said than done. easier said than done!

 

We all have sin natures Scarlett. We are all commanded to both turn the other cheek & to love even our enemies. I know this because my sin nature (even after regeneration) still operates, however I now have a conscience & its very surprising to me that I ever even got to the level of having empathy for others....to me it was always weakness. "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends" ( john 15:13)

 

I believe the above post addressed this:...acknowledging that there are cases where the abused party is the man...
...no matter the cause, cowardice or otherwise, no one should stay in a the same house with an abusive person (no matter who is being abusive, or abused) spouse, parent, child, sibling, anyone!

 

Then who would be there to protect & care for the child in the event of a spouse (wife in this case) getting drunk & either hitting the kid and or passing out & leaving the child unattended. Remember that most states always rule for the mother being the care giver over the father. Its most likely that even if I had divorced that my wife would have been given custody.....what a nightmare for my son that would have been. And where are you posting cowardice....LOL, I am a decorated Marine. Your implying it was cowardice to not having walked out.......nope, that would have been selfishness in not protecting my kid....thats what kept me there.

 

My wife has always bruised easily from hitting something as she passed it walking, falling, or once, fell in the bathroom and hit her eye. The bruises sometimes look really bad. In fact, I could not have made worse bruises if I had hit her myself. There are many times I could have been arrested just on appearance.

Getting back to the op, there is never an excuse for a man hitting a woman. No woman should ever put up with it, and the law should be the solution.

I am not a marriage behavior expert, so I am not sure if a man could ever be trusted after the first hit. If he could, it would take lots of rehabilitation and trust on the wife's part, and if it ever happened again, that would be it.

 

Sorry for the unclear communication. I was not trying to call anyone a coward. I was answering a point brought up by Don who was quoting another person...
"So again, in most cases, I would agree; but not all. Such things need to be fully investigated to see if it's a case of cowardice, or something else".

There are so many variables that I believe if anyone thinks they have THE answer to all similar circumstances , they may think they know how everybody should respond in every situation...or they might be god...lol. You probably received suggestions and advice out the wazzu. I don't know if getting professional legal advice and guidance for your situation would have enabled you and your kids to be protected and justified in leaving or not. Also, this would make things more complicated for a wife. The kids must be protected. I have seen abused men with children navigate through the system and come out with what was the best for the kids and themselves.

 

I have been narried twice and both of my wives hit me many times. I never, not once hit them back, even when my lip was bleeding.

thank goodness, my wife now realised that hitting me was wrong and she stopped it many years ago.

But where do we get the idea that domestic violence is always about the man?

John

 

Maybe because 99%+ of abuse cases are a man hitting a woman. The physical size and strength alone answers the question, with rare exception. I am not advocating a man stand there if his life is in danger, but that is not usually the case.

Locally, I can remember several years ago a man checked into a half way house for battered women. He looked like a miniature Wally Cox, and his wife looked like a drill sergeant. If not tragic, it would have almost been comical. However, these are very rare cases, not the rule.

 

I always wonder why any woman would stay with a man who abuses her. Is she all that insecure that she can't make it on her own?

Also, why is it that a woman can hit a man who hits her, but a man can't hit a woman who hits him? She can defend herself, and everyone will be on her side. However, a man can't defend himself against a woman without being arrested and charged with spousal abuse. I don't like or believe in double standards.

 

I've stayed quiet up til now....I can tell you exactly why a woman stays with a man who abuses her, as I stayed for 22 years.

I honored my marriage vows....for better or worse. I stayed because the one time I walked out and went to my mother-in-law's house she told me to go home that I'd done something to cause it and I must have deserved it. I stayed because I feared that if people found out I was being abused I would be thought less of, because as a Christian woman I must be doing something wrong to cause my husband to act like this. I stayed because I had two small boys who I thought needed a father....I thought any father was better than no father. (May I add that I realize that was wrong) Finally, after 22 years I discovered my husband's dirty little secret and ended our marriage, at that point caring nothing for what other people thought. (and let me add...my church treated me like a leper, like a prostitute...and embraced my ex-husband because his daddy was a deacon)

As a formerly abused wife I would tell any abused woman to find the door and walk and seek an immediate divorce. A leopard does not change it's spots. It may adapt to captivity, but it will never be tame and you can never trust it enough to turn your back on it. It's the same with an abuser. They may stop for a season but it always simmers under the surface. It takes very little to light the fuse once again. I do not believe, and you will never convince me to believe, that God would expect any woman to stay with a husband who beats her for no reason other than she is breathing. An abuser doesn't need a reason.

Am I sorry I got a divorce? No, never will be. I am, however, sorry I displeased God. I am sorry that I married that man in the first place. I should have listened to those who warned me, who saw things in him I never saw. But God....aren't those wonderful words??? But God, in his infinte grace, has forgiven me and removed any guilt I felt and any regrets I had. He sent me a wonderful, wonderful, loving husband to teach me what marriage really is.

 

DiamondLady....

Now that bolded part has got my blood boiling as much as the men who beat their wives.

Shame on them.

 

took me 8 years before I could step inside a Baptist church again. But God knew me and loved me and kept drawing me back....through the Methodist Church and music. He let me be called to serve first for one year as the Children's music minister at one and then for two more years as the Minister of Music at a second Methodist Church. We were driving one day and as we passed our church the Lord spoke to me and said, "There, that's where I want you." I told my husband and we went that Sunday and have been there, serving God, ever since.

Took me a while to learn that people try to make religious rules that aren't God's rules and that man sets out standards that aren't necessarily God's and aren't how He works. God looks at us through the blood of Christ and with Grace. Man looks on others through critical eyes filled with judgment. For those things I am immensely grateful.