Now I've heard everything

I haven't heard a child come up to me yet that said "I have lost my innocence. Will you help me find it?"

So.. I guess I haven't heard everything yet.

 

Several years ago, before my grandfather passed on, he was in the hospital in Duluth, GA. I was there to visit him before leaving to go to church. His room was on the 4th floor, so I took the elevator up to see him. I came back down to the lobby and right as the door opened, the fire alarm went off. I looked around and no one was freaking out, so I assumed it was a fire drill.

I walked by the front desk and made my way to the automatic sliding door. It would not open. I stood there for a moment, doing little waves to try and get the door open. The lady working at the reception desk called out to me, "Sir, you can't go outside. This is a fire drill."

I turned and gave her an incredulous look, "What?"

"You can't go outside. The building is under a fire drill."

About that time a group of 20 or so nurses and doctors came meandering down the stairs, each one carrying a fire extinguisher. They rounded the corner and disappeared down a long hallway.

I looked back at the receptionist, "So hospital policy is that if the building catches on fire we lock the door and make sure everyone burns?"

She shrugged, "I don't make the rules, sir. I think it's stupid, too."

 

Must be 10 years ago now.

I'm on a quick trip to Home Depot purchasing one or two items. I had parked outside the door where the Returns Desk is located, not the door where the cash registers are located. No customers are at the return desk so I figure I can buy my stuff there and scoot out the door into my truck.

I see the returns desk is being handled by a pretty 20-something woman. (I'm in my 40's). I walk up to the counter and say,

Me: "Could you check me out right here?"
Woman: "Sure. Turn around and let me see your butt."

When I employ this strategy to buy my stuff at the returns desk I now make sure to ask, "Could I buy my stuff at this terminal? My truck is parked right outside this door?" Or "could you ring up my purchases at this register?"

 

If I told my stories, I would violate Hipaa rules.

 

He won the election again!

"It's mine! I stole it myself!"

"Let her cry it out! (she was 7 days old!)

But I get the best stories on purpose. LOL Students can get out of a tardy on occasion if the are willing to entertain the class with a story on why they were late, so long as it follows my specifications, which typically include mythical elements and something that ties into the day's lesson. I learned to not drink coffe while watching/listening!