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One liners, and such

Discussion in 'Jokes & Humor (Clean)' started by rlvaughn, Jun 14, 2018.

  1. rlvaughn

    rlvaughn Well-Known Member
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    "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." -- Steven Wright

    "After being created by the Borden’s Company, Elsie the Cow and Elmer the Bull soon became ‘legend dairy’."

    "Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean folks aren’t out to get me."

    "Never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it." - George Bernard Shaw

    "Lead me not into temptation...I usually find the way there all by myself."

    "The early Christians were about as popular as a hot dog vendor at a vegan festival." -- Lisa Harper

    "I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." -- Edgar Allan Poe

    Sitting on my pinnacle,
    Looking to and fro;
    I wondered where the people were,
    And saw them all below.
    -- Copied
     
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  2. InTheLight

    InTheLight Well-Known Member
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    When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.

    I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home all the signs were there.
     
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  3. kyredneck

    kyredneck Well-Known Member
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    Little miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her porridge and whey. Along came a spider and sat down beside her....and she beat it to death with a spoon.... :D
     
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  4. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
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    Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her porridge and whey. Along came a spider and sat down beside her... And introduced her to the Web!... Brother Glen:Biggrin
     
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  5. kyredneck

    kyredneck Well-Known Member
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    Hickory dickory dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got away with minor injuries.
     
  6. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
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    Hickory dickory dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got away with minor injuries.... Then the cat ate him!... Brother Glen:Biggrin

    Keep them coming Kentucky!
     
  7. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
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    There was an old woman who lived in a shoe... She had so many children she didn't know what to do... So she told the children's daddy who lived there too... Hit the road you deadbeat... Brother Glen:Biggrin
     
  8. InTheLight

    InTheLight Well-Known Member
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    A man entered a pun contest. He entered 10 different puns hoping that at least one of them would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

    Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk
     
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  9. padredurand

    padredurand Well-Known Member
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    The second mouse gets the cheese.
     
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  10. Covenanter

    Covenanter Well-Known Member
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    Don't be an early worm.
     
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  11. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
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    Just be a bookworm!... Brother Glen:)
     
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  12. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
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    The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given... Brother Glen:)
     
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  13. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
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    You want a better preacher!... Pray for the one you got!... Brother Glen:)
     
  14. BroTom64

    BroTom64 Active Member
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    Keep Looking Up.....

    Unless you're walking through a cow field.
     
  15. BroTom64

    BroTom64 Active Member
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    Where ever you go, there you are.

    The farther you go, the tireder you will be.
     
  16. Covenanter

    Covenanter Well-Known Member
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    As Theresa May gets more & more confused about the "Brexit" negotiations, it was a pertinent comment on the news subtitles -
    "Theresa maze...."
     
  17. Covenanter

    Covenanter Well-Known Member
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  18. HankD

    HankD Well-Known Member
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    Alcohol consumed in sufficient quantities produces all the effects of intoxication.

    I can resist anything ... but temptation.

    Oscar Wilde
     
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