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Discussion in 'Jokes & Humor (Clean)' started by Palatka51, Dec 14, 2008.

  1. Palatka51

    Palatka51 New Member

    Oct 25, 2007
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    ~ I was asked to preach at a small country church in Missouri while home visiting my family. I was sharing a sermon from the book of Isaiah, chapter 6. I was reading through my scripture when I got to verse 6, "Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar." That is how it should have read! I, however, had a Freudian slip, and the seraphim took the coal with a "thong". Of course the older people in the congregation either missed the connection or thought I was talking about a flip-flop or sandal. The younger people in the congregation of course busted out laughing. I was so embarrassed. After the service, one of the younger members of the church came up to me and shook my hand and said, "That's not much to hold on to a hot coal with," and turned and left me there six different shades of red. I make sure to read a lot slower now and to use correct pronunciation. (Chris)

    ~ We have an after-school program called FUTURE, but we cancel it when school is not in session. Invariably, the church calendar reads, "Thursday: No FUTURE" or even "FUTURE canceled." It has become such a joke among our church community that we've chosen to keep the wording! (Wes)

    ~ Our church participated in an annual Pregnancy Resource Center fundraiser--where we filled baby bottles with our loose change. At that time, I, as church secretary, met the pastor at a prearranged spot to hand him the church bulletin, which he would then take to the printer. It was a drizzly day and my pastor offered to buy me a cup of cocoa at the gas station convenience store. When he got to the register with our purchases, he was frustrated to find he had no coins whatsoever. He blurted out, "I can't wait till this pregnancy thing is over. My wife keeps taking my change!" I looked at the perplexed cashier and attempted to explain... and then just cracked up and let it go. Shortly thereafter, I had an opportunity to "share" this with the congregation while giving an unrelated announcement. Now my pastor isn't so sure about letting me stand up front anymore. I wonder why. (Julie)

    ~ My pastor in college preached an entire sermon on Jonah in the "whelly of the bale". He said it several times, and would not believe he had actually done it until we replayed the tape of the service.

    During a revival, the visiting evangelist arrived without his allergy medicine. Our pastor put him in touch with a doctor in our church for an emergency prescription to get him through the week. The evangelist was so appreciative of the doctor that during the last service, he recommended the doctor to the entire crowd. The ensuing laughter was a mystery to him until after the service. That was when the host pastor informed him that he had just recommended the local OB-GYN. (Lynn)

    ~ In reading the bulletin bloopers, I remembered a great one from years ago. The words to all of the Christmas hymns were listed in our Christmas Eve bulletin. One hymn was "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen." Here are some of the words (blooper in red).

    God rest ye merry, gentlemen, let nothing you dismay;
    remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas Day,
    to save us all from Santa's power when we were gone astray...

    And verse 3:

    "Fear not, then," said the angel, "Let nothing you affright;
    this day is born a Savior of a pure virgin bright,
    to free all those who trust in him from Santa's power and might."....

    We thought this must be a Freudian slip. Evidently no one mentioned the mistake to the secretary, because the same words appeared in the next year's bulletin! (Becky )

    ~ This happened one night right before the evening service was about to start. It was a casual time and the pastor motioned to the minister of music that it was time to start. The elderly music minister stood up and said, "Well the pastor just gave me the finger so I guess it is time to start". The congregation erupted with laughter while the music minister had no idea what he had said that was so funny. When he was told later, he didn't know what that meant. (John)

    ~ I am in charge of making the powerpoint for our worship service. The sermon was based on holding fast to to the Lord. The invitation was "I Surrender All", and mistakenly the ending phrase was "All to my previous Savior, I surrender all". (Kimberly)

    ~ One Sunday morning our interim pastor was giving the announcements. He said that there was a car in the parking lot with the lights on. He gave the make and color of the car, plus the license plate number. After the congregational singing, he walked back up to the pulpit and asked that an usher come up to the pulpit. The ushers looked a little confused, but one of them walked up to the pulpit. The pastor handed him his keys out of his pocket! (Ellen)

    ~ I thought I should tell you about a recent blooper I heard 3 Sundays ago in my church.
    The pastor called upon to lead the congregational hymn proudly announced, "All hail the power of Jesus' name; let angels prostate fall" oops (Yinka)


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