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Ponderisms

Discussion in 'Jokes & Humor (Clean)' started by Tom Butler, Jul 30, 2009.

  1. Tom Butler

    Tom Butler New Member

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    This showed up in my e-mail inbox. It's not original with me, but the author is unknown to me.

    PONDERISMS

    I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
    die of natural causes.

    There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

    Life is sexually transmitted.

    Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can
    die.

    The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
    depth.

    Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
    dying of nothing.

    Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
    talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

    Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

    All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
    to criticism.

    In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
    is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..

    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
    whole box to start a campfire?

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
    squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'

    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about
    him?

    Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they
    are going to look up there anyway?

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
    vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
    faster?

    Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
    ?
     
  2. PreacherTeacher

    PreacherTeacher New Member

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    Along with those, who was the first person to see an oval object come out of the back end of a chicken and decide, "Hmmm, let's eat this!"
     
  3. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member

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    Good stuff. I may have to use it on facebook.
     
  4. Amy.G

    Amy.G New Member

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    :laugh: That was one brave (or stupid) person alright! :laugh:
     
  5. rdwhite

    rdwhite New Member

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    I've pondered why people drive on a parkway and park on a driveway.
     
  6. Gwen

    Gwen Active Member

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    Betcha it was a dare! LOL
     
  7. BigBossman

    BigBossman New Member

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    That never occured to me until you just said that.
     
  8. Crabtownboy

    Crabtownboy Well-Known Member

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    How can a house burn up while it burns down?
     
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