Prayer Request

I currently live in a group home, and am unable to work or make over a certain amount of money because of my mental illness. But I want to leave this group and make money by some means, whether by writing, or programming, or something like that. And I want to get married soon to the right girl. So please pray for my symptoms to go completely away, for me to get out of here soon, and for me to find an attractive, godly woman that will love me, whom I will love, and whom I can marry.

Right now I am having trouble writing well, because I still haven't developed all the skills i need, and some of the skills that I once had I have lost. For a while, I no longer was of the mind to write proper paragraphs or essays. Now, I am regaining that ability. But I am having difficulty with forming content, because my knowledge is lacking, and it is hard to provide illustrations for things. That is why, in my sermon type thing, I did not provide an example in the second paragraph. I merely stated the claim, the reason, and then restated the claim.

I have been trying to study composition and rhetoric from books but I am not really practicing that much. What I have been doing is writing and revising as I go, or writing a rough draft and then revising it, without preparing an outline first. I usually focus on prose rhythm when I revise. So I pay a lot of attention to the sound of the words, and then fail to produce a work as lyrical as I would like.

I just tried to write a piece showing that God is good, and I even wrote an outline, but as soon as I began writing the first paragraph, I realized that I could not say that much about it. The first paragraph was about His justice. I could not say much about His justice, because I could not think of many examples from the Bible or from real life, even though I read almost most of it.

Also, last night, I started getting bombarded by intrusive thoughts, but the episode was not that bad this time. Please pray that that will not happen again. I was not even able to focus on the audio Bible I was trying to listen to.

Also, having written some letter some months ago, and posted it online sometime recently, a letter in the form of an epistle, (though it can hardly be said to be a successful imitation of any good epistle, whether Biblical or not), which had nothing to do with Christ, I wonder if perhaps I had sinned through my words, (though I find nothing bad in what I wrote), because not longer after I posted and remove it, the intrusive thoughts began. For in the past, when I was in a program, I wrote some very bizarre things, and after destroying them and attempting to repent, that is when I felt that the devil began harassing me.

I wonder why Poe, having contemplated and written so many demented things, was not immediately harassed by the devil. Now my recent writing was not demented, but the writing in the past which I wrote in a program, it can be said that that was demented, for I made many strange statements in poems about girls playing mind games, which I ought not to have made.

Anyway, not to focus on such terrible things, but to focus on good things, I will refrain from reflecting on this any further.

 

I haven't attended church since I moved into the group home.