Question of Faith

Scarlett had some excellent comments for you, Shell. I'll add my own two-cents as well.

I'm a cancer-survivor--but nothing of the magnitude you have dealt with. I have been cancer-free for over ten years, and my prognosis was good from the very beginning. You don't mention what YOUR prognosis is, but that obviously has a great impact on you as well. But I'll say that even as long as it has been, every single time I encounter someone else dealing with it, my heart breaks for them, as it does for you now, because I remember my own fear and horror.

There is no way anyone can truly comprehend what dealing with just the DIAGNOSIS of cancer is like--much less any of the surgeries and procedures and chemo- and radiation-therapies that follow that awful "c-word"--unless they experience it themselves, or with a very close loved one. Your life IS different. You ARE different. You have been truly confronted with your own mortality at an age that you did not expect to be. You will NOT EVER be the same.

It is normal and natural to grieve. Don't try to pretend like you're "fine" if you don't feel that way. I also truly believe that it is perfectly okay to be mad at God and to ask Him a million times "WHY ME?" God is a really, really big GOD--He can take it. He WANTS you to bring your pain and your fear and your heartache and your wretchedness to Him. There is no use in trying to hide your struggle with your faith through this process--God knows your heart.

And, if you will just reach out to those around you, I bet you will find that God has surrounded you with resources that WILL help you deal with the emotional pain and the spiritual crisis that comes as a "package deal" along with all the physical problems. PLEASE talk to your pastor. PLEASE talk to family members, friends, respected elders. You don't have to go to them crying your eyes out (as I would have done--and DID) if that is uncomfortable for you--but you CAN go to them and say simply, "This is hard to handle alone, can you help me?"

Most of the time, you'll find that there will be many who WANT to help you--but are afraid to offer, for fear of overstepping boundaries--or even hurting you more. And, if you're doing that "academy-award-recovery" act that many cancer-survivors--or grievers in general--do, then it may not be obvious to anyone that you NEED this help. God provides HIS comfort through many means--chief among them would be the people who already know you, love you, and want to help.

Know this--you are in my prayers. And no matter how hard you are struggling with your faith right now, the God who created you WILL carry you through this time.

Mar. 9:24 And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

 

Good post, Hopeful! :saint:

 

My prayers are with you.

As a pastor I wish to offer this small suggestion - trouble your pastor. If I were your pastor, I would want to know. I would want our entire church to be praying for you as you recover.

 

Trouble him, or he's too busy to be a pastor.

We are not guarenteed life, only eternal life through Christ.

I cannot speak as one experienced, but can only speak as the Spirit has allowed me to say that hanging onto this life too closely denies ourselves the peace that grace actually affords.:godisgood:

 

I will repeat to you, Shell--most people do not know how to handle this kind of situation EMOTIONALLY. Ask your pastor for a SPECIFIC time and date to sit down with him and tell him it is because YOU NEED COUNSELING. If he blows you off THEN, then you should contact YOUR DOCTORS, because they will definitely know how to put you in touch with someone who DOES have time to talk to you. Your emotional and spiritual well-being are VITALLY important right now--they will directly affect your PHYSICAL recovery.

Please do not think that GOD is forsaking you just because PEOPLE don't know how to react to this or reach out to help you. PLEASE keep reaching out yourself. And I pray that you'll get the guidance you need SOON--and I'm also praying that YOUR PASTOR'S eyes and heart will be prepared to see and help you. raying:

 

Praying... raying:

 

Um, take it from this pastor, it IS a very spiritual issue. It effects you emotionally and that effects you spiritually.

Sounds more like the CEO than the pastor. I have one of "those". The business aspects of the church seem to mean more than the people who make it up to "those".

 

Shell, I will add you to the prayer list. I have some knowledge of where you are coming from. And my pastor would, as well. Both he and I have had cancer surgery, mine about a year ago (Nov. 30), followed by 5 rounds of chemotherapy and five weeks straight of radiation, in the middle of my 'chemo', and he had his about 2 1/2 years ago, if I remember correctly. He chose, at that time, to have no further treatments and has had the cancer return, and he has just finished his subsequent radiation treatments. I do not know if he is going to get chemotherapy, however, for I've not heard him say.

So far, at least, I have gotten good reports. It is too early to tell for him, as to the effectiveness. To give the best answer, from your posts, it also seems a little early to tell your prospects, as well, from what I see. But we will remember you in prayer, as I said.

Ed