Re: my family converted to (hyper?)Calvinism

Wow it has been a long time. I remembered this post and had to see if it was still here and what I was feeling and what people were saying almost 6 years ago.

I ended up going along with my parents wishes and stopped going to my church in college. It was either that or risk being cut off from them and I did not want that. I graduated and have a job now but don't get out much. And I am glad that I was not in a relationship at the time because it seems impossible to find anyone who agrees with this doctrine or is OK with never going to a phsyical church. (There are no churches locally so I read my Bible and occassionly listen to podcasts.) And to be honest I don't want kids anymore. The world is terrible and the thought of bringing about children, grandchildren, great grandchildren some of which will inevitably be predestined to hell scares me even though it is God's sovereign will. But if I don't have a relationship or kids it is also because it is His will, so I have accepted that route.

At this point I would say I agree with the theology and think it makes the most sense logically. If God loved a person it makes no sense to me that they would be born, live and die having never heard the gospel as most people probably have throughout history. He created everyone and is allowed to hate anyone and chose before creating people who would be saved and who would be destroyed.

I accept it, but I admit part of me can still help but get disillusioned sometimes. Mankind, earth, and the universe were seemingly created to be nothing more than an infinite torture device of sentient beings to maximize God's glory. Probably 99.9999999% of people born did not hear, know or believe the true gospel of which was by design. They were hated before they were created, lived a life that admittedly makes them worthy of hate as do we all, and they will be hated and tortured for eternity. And it is not known for sure but generally agreed upon in the community that the unborn are not exempt from non-election.

Part of me thinks this all seems really unfair and selfish but who am I to judge? I have indirectly benefitted from and contributed to the premeditated life and death of thousands of animals who were brought to life and then killed just to feed me or make my life better. In a way, it seems like election is similar even though we don't know God's motives. The elect are the very few chosen who for no merit of their own get to enjoy love and mercy even though they do not deserve it. And everyone else deserves infinite torture and they get what they deserve.

In moments of weakness though, I wish that it was not this way. But that is God's way. It is not good for most people involved but it is good for Him. And that is all that matters.